Time to Review your New Year's Resolutions

So here we are, mid July.  Halfway through the year.  I just had my birthday the other day, so I've turned 33.  This time of the year is a great time to look back and see how you've been doing with your New Year's Resolutions.  Try to do it without beating yourself up.  In the beginning of the year we often have lofty ideas about what we'd like to incorporate into our lives, but the day to day is just as important.  Now is a great time to re-evaluate those resolutions rather than simply recommit.  As my good friend and teacher, Kitty Cavalier would say, those goals probably didn't seduce you.  The goals weren't right for you.  Or maybe it wasn't the right time for those goals in your life.  

Check them out.  Did you make some progress in those areas of your life?  Than give yourself credit!  Were you chasing goals that you made to impress someone else?  Ditch it!  Were your goals set too high?  Change it!  In the comments recommit to new goals for the second half of the year.

My goals from my New Year's blog this year:

"For 2013, I'm not going to drink. I am not completely restricting myself, if there is an important social gathering I'm not saying I'm "not allowed." But I don't think I will. I am also going to continue to listen to my body to tell me what I want to eat. But it won't be the same things that I wanted before. I am going to continue to ask myself if my next action will lead me to feeling one of my Core Desired Feelings: Powerful, Energized, Connected, Clear and Free.
As for fitness I have a few goals, they include being able to do 5 handstand pushups, being able to lift 65 pounds for my overhead squat. To be able to do 5 muscle-ups, and increasing my mobility. I would love to be able to do a split. I'm so inflexible.
My other resolution for the year is that I intend to be more authentic every moment of every day."

Well.   There are some goals, that looking back, were created because I was feeling super motivated.  I thought I wasn't going to drink.  I have some kind of mental fight that goes on in my head around alcohol.  Part of me thinks that I should never drink, that complete sobriety is something that a deeply grounded spiritual person would reach for.  And then someone offers me a glass of wine or a dark beer.  Or I hang out with my family for a week.  I am re-evaluating this goal.  For the rest of 2013, I am just going to enjoy an alcoholic beverage when it feels right.  Leave out the guilt.  I'm not sure where I got that sober spirituality image, but I'm making my own rules in my life.
I continue to just follow my body's desires for what to eat.  I am amazed that I still do not need to weight myself 6 months in.  I could tell after my vacation with the family that all the beer I was drinking was making me a bit bloated, my pants weren't fitting very well.  But then this morning I'm feeling great.  And I didn't do anything spectacular.  I'm just listening to what I really want.  What my body really wants.
I am still loving the Core Desired Feelings.  People, this is an amazing tool for your toolbox.  Every day I strive to feel Powerful, Energized, Connected, Clear, Free.  Every moment I am out of sync I can look around me and ask myself what I can do to make myself feel this way.  And there is always a way.
My fitness goals got put on a bit of a hold, but I am recommitting to them.  They are totally doable.  The handstand pushups I made progress on, I am able to do one.  I took some time off of going as much as I was to Crossfit, so now that my schedule is going to permit a regular schedule again, I think these goals are totally within reach.
So how are you doing with your goals?  Let me know!

May Updates

Sorry for the hiatus, I know you've all been dying to know what I've been up to lately.  ;)  I have mostly been blogging on my new site, Find Your Joy.  One of my New Year's Resolutions for this year was to work on my Spirituality and this new blog focuses much more on that.  I didn't mean to wait 5 months to update on my resolutions, but better late than never, I figure.

The big resolution that I have been working on, other than what is addressed in my other blog, is being less anal about my diet/nutrition.  I have not weighed myself since January.  I stopped using my weight to track how I felt about my body.  I decided that I would relax the rules on the paleo, eat what I felt my body wanted, and get more in tune with how my body feels, rather than how much it weighs or even how it looks. This has been an up and down journey.

Not weighing myself- turns out this is no big deal.  I never did throw my scale out, I have a feeling that as soon as I chuck it, I'm going to want to weigh myself and go buy myself a new one.  So it sits in the bathroom corner, forgotten.  There was a part of me that was afraid that if I didn't weigh myself constantly the weight would creep up and all of a sudden I would weigh 175 again.  The truth is, I can tell very easily, by looking at myself in the mirror and by guaging how my pants and shirts are feeling, how I am doing.  In the morning, I do a quick naked flex in the mirror (come on, don't lie to me, you know you do, too!) and check the size of my belly and arms, because these are the parts of my body that seem to get bigger first.  I make sure to admire what I'm seeing.  I don't focus on the negative.  I just check in.  It may sound silly to you, but I ask my body how it's doing, if there's anything it's trying to tell me.  If there's pain I check in with it, too.  I'm a lot more in tune with my body now than ever.

Relaxing the paleo rules- this one was harder.  I am very good when I have strict rules to follow.  Do eat this, don't eat that.  Takes a lot of the pressure off of deciding.  It's a yay or nay.  But with that comes the feeling of rebellion.  Sometimes you just want a little alcohol or a donut for Pete's sake.  And when I go strict Paleo, I don't allow myself to have it, and then when I'm "done" with my whole 30 or I relax a little I buy a 50 ct. of red velvet with cream cheese chips cookies and eat the whole thing in less than a week.  This has just not seemed to me to be the best way to go about things.  So in January, with the new year, I was motivated to eat well and I didn't do a challenge.  I just listened to my body.  It went extraordinarily well for about 2 months.  I prioritized the paleo foods, meat, veg, fruit, nuts, and then just checked in with myself before eating anything "non-paleo."  I would have a donut here or there, buying one from the grocery store, instead of a dozen.  I would enjoy it, then go on my merry way.  In March I began to notice that this was happening more and more often and in April I really started to go overboard and I actually got sick.  Not sick from the food directly, but my energy got lower, I wasn't sleeping as well, my mind was getting foggier, I was feeling more and more negative and then I literally got sick and caught the bug that was going around the school I work at.  And because my energy was low and my stress and negativity were high, I got really sick.  I took off almost a whole week of school, which is not usual for me.  I don't mind taking off when I get sick, but I usually heal up in a day and can get back to work.  This knocked me down.

And so I declared that May first I would begin to eat better again.  Again, I have decided that I am not going to do a "challenge."  I think nutritionally this has become a crutch for me and I am determined to be able to eat without stressing myself out about it.  Well, today is May 6.  I have been eating very well.  Last night, my husband brought home from the grocery store, two slices of Lilikoi cheese cake.  This is a most delicious dessert that we have had before.  I had a decision to make.  Do I want the cheese cake?  How do I want to handle this?  I decided to go for it.  I savored every mouth-watering bite.  I took my time.  It was scrumptious.  And my husband got to enjoy that I enjoyed the cake.  Today, I do not feel any worse for the wear.  I don't feel guilty.  I don't feel bloated.  I don't feel like I am going to rush to the grocery store for a 50 pack of cookies after work.  I planned ahead this weekend and got healthy food for the week, so my lunches are planned out for the week.  I just ate a pear.  The experiment continues to be a success, although it is seriously not easy to move from strict counting calories or restricting food to listening to your body.  I have a feeling that this is another one of those skills that will get easier over time.

I continue to focus on my Core Desired Feelings in every moment of every day.  Living authentically and making an effort to feel how I want to feel all the time, not just when I'm on vacation, has been splendid.  I highly suggest you decide to make that commitment to yourself, too.

How have you been doing in 2013?  Where are you in your New Year's goals?  Now is a good time to recommit.  Be sure to comment on your progress below!

Update with Being Primal

Earlier this month I decided that I wanted to try Mark Sisson's Primal BluePrint. Paleo is just a guideline for what food is good for you and what foods to avoid. I love it and feel totally healthy, but feel like I am ready to graduate to a full body version of the concept. I have always been a fan of Mark's website, marksdailyapple.com. I read all of his blog posts. So I'm completely bought in to the theory of Primal Blueprint. I think it is an amazing way to look at health, nutrition, exercise, sleep, basically everything that can keep a person healthy and happy. The thing that really draws me to the PB is that it really speaks to my lazy, fun side. The side that doesn't want to exercise like a maniac and restrict what food I am "allowed" to eat. The part of me that knows that counting calories is stupid and short-term. (I'm not saying it doesn't work or that that hasn't helped some people. But don't you just know there's a better way?) So if you go to his website and look at the Definitive Guide to the Primal Blueprint, you'll see the basics.
1. Eat lots of animals, insects and plants- this is my favorite way to look at nutrition. Eat Real Food.
2. Move around a lot at a slow pace- walk around, use the stairs, take a stroll, walk your dog, do this every day.
3. Lift Heavy Things- the Primal Blueprint version of lifting weights, or doing body weight exercises. Mark has a great simple guide to exercises you can do with little to no equipment with modifications for all fitness levels. Super simple.
4. Run really fast every once in a while- this one has blown my mind! I always thought that I had to do cardio 3-5 times a week! And truthfully, when I wasn't eating paleo or primal I did have to run 3-5 times a week to maintain a healthy weight. Now that my eating has vastly improved (not the quantity, but the quality) my need to seek out the nearest treadmill is gone. Some sprints (running or biking or stairs) will suffice once or twice a week.
5. Get lots of sleep- The research is out there folks. You have to find the right amount of sleep for you. Some people need a lot of sleep, some people need less. But if your health is out of wack and you're convinced that you only need 3-5 hours of sleep a night, you may want to re-evaluate. Our body does so much restoration and healing while we sleep. It is the time that all of the damage you did to it all day finally has a chance to start being internally repaired. If you don't give your body the time it needs, you will never fully heal.
6. Play- Favorite Rule Ever! And who would believe that we would need someone to tell us to go have fun! But it's true, we spend so much time scheduling in "exercise" that moving around becomes such a drag, such a chore. Thankfully I have friends who are interested in play! Our hikes are never a simple walk in the woods, there is always socializing, laughter, and great use of imagination. We've played all kinds of sports together, from tennis to swimming to paddling to (hopefully soon!) racquetball. Don't argue with this! You need fun in your life!
7. Get some sunlight every day- This one is a bit counter intuitive to "modern science" in quotations because I think modern scientists have been led way off track with their research. I usually use Dr. Mercola as a reference first, since he doesn't seem to be biased by big businesses, the media or pharm companies. Anyway, sunlight has a lot of valuable properties. I think everyone has heard about Seasonal Affective Disorder at this point and some of that has to do with the lack of available sunlight. Just in case you don't actually go read the articles or resources, no one is advocating for getting out there and getting a sun burn. If you've gotten that red, you've had too much sun. But some sun is good. That golden tan from being in the (real) sun for a little bit every day is actually good for you.
  8. Avoid Trauma- this one is pretty common sense, but important. Don't dive into shallow water. Be aware of your surroundings. Don't exercise beyond what your body can handle. (Know the difference between good sore and hurt.)
9. Avoid Poisonous Things- This is the one I have most trouble with. Everyone's body is different and what we tolerate to what level is different. I hope you take the time to really figure out how well your body is tolerating grains, dairy, legumes, sugar and vegetable oils. Mine doesn't handle grains well at all (except for rice, that seems to be fine). I break out with acne with legumes, sugar and vegetable oils. When I eat anything with grains or sugary I also balloon up with both excess weight and bloating. I get gassy to the point that my stomach is painful and I have to wear loose pants that don't make the pain worse. Even though I know this, it has been difficult for me to say no to this stuff. First, because I used to love it and finding food to replace the emotional connection I have for those foods is tough. (Eating chips after a hard day at work, or ice cream for "treat.") Second, people tend to want you to eat these foods. I found that once I began to eliminate them from my diet totally, people began to push them on me like drug dealers. I am lucky that my husband and my closest friends don't do this. My husband still keeps them around the house, but won't try to tempt me with those foods anymore. Other people are a different story. I am tempted to tell everyone that I am diabetic or have Celiac Disease, but fuck that. I should be able to tell you, no, I don't eat wheat or sugar or whatever, and you should say, okay. It's okay to ask me why. But what irks me is when I tell people this and then they make an attempt to sell the food to me somehow. "But, it's so good!" "But this whole wheat is good for you!" "Come on, just have a bite!" It would be funny to see how badly people want you to eat these foods, if I wasn't already having a hard time saying no. Yes, I do want that cream filled donut, but it will make me gassy and bloated and therefore I am choosing not to eat it. Hard to fend people off when that donut is being waved under your nose. Anyway, like I said, here's where I have the most difficulty.
10. Use your mind- Good advice. I try to do this daily as some form of reading of a book or blog or word game.

If anyone wants to join me in my health quest, write me an email or drop a comment below. I'm not an expert, but I am a super cheerleader.

Post-Challenge Health

It's been 12 days since the Crossfit Oahu Nutrition challenge ended.  I am feeling pretty darn good.  I think I wrote earlier that my new challenge is to allow for three treats a week, so I don't have to be so strict.  Funny thing is, I haven't really wanted anything.  It was nice to be able to have a taste of Nathan's cheese cake last weekend, but I didn't go overboard, wanting the whole thing.  On Thursday I had a square of super dark chocolate that I have been saving for myself for after the challenge.  I was concerned about being able to only have some, although, if I had eaten it all I wouldn't have beaten myself up about it.  But I didn't want more.  I am enjoying feeling healthy, and feeling thin and strong at the same time.  I am enjoying seeing the muscles that have always been in there.  But that's not why I haven't been snacking on junk.  I just don't want it.  We've got tons of stuff in our house.  Nathan has stores of chips and granola bars and pudding and cookies and juice and bread.  I just don't feel like it.  I stopped for a second there, while I was writing, to double check if this is still true.  I envisioned myself eating bread with butter.  Not interested.  I've got a roasted chicken that sounds way more appetizing.  I also hit up the Whole Foods dried fruit section the other day and got tons of good stuff.  I know that many websites say don't eat too much fruit.  I say, do what works for you.  It has lots of sugar in it, yes.  I usually eat fruit with nuts, and then I don't feel like eating for a while.  I eat a well rounded range of food.  

Today, I'm sewing workout gear.  I'm pretty excited about how easy it is.  Turns out once you have a pretty decent pattern for a tank top or shirt, you can whip out a whole bunch of stuff with the right material.  Jersey's great because you don't have to finish the edges, it won't fray.  The shirt I'm wearing in the picture is one of the tanks I just made.  It was the first version, so very unfinished edges.  But I don't care, I'm wearing it to sew.  The more recent ones are pretty great.

Fitness When We Feel Like It

Isn't it funny how we will talk and talk and talk about how great our fitness is while we're doing good, but then when we're not doing so great, we sit silent.  If you're wondering why I have not blogged in so long it's because I haven't had much good to say.  I had surgery on my left ring finger on February 15 and was unable to use that hand for a good 2 weeks.  I'm not sure why I didn't blog about the Swamp Romp that 5 of the ladies and I ran on February 20.  It was freaking awesome.  Keysa and I made iron-on shirts for our team the Bacon-Wrapped Squatches.  I made bacon belts by painting on red pleather that I happened to have lying around.  I also made Anna a cape from a sheet bought at Salvation Army.  The course itself was 5 miles through the mud and swamps at Kaneohe Marine Corps Base.  Tons of fun.  Got very dirty.  I simply wrapped my hand up in a plastic bag and used my elbows to leap over obstacles. 
After the swamp romp I did run a few times, and Keysa, Anna, and I, plus now Ananda have been doing our own modified version of a crossfit workout on Sunday mornings.  Mostly though, I've been eating too much junk and drinking lots of alcohol.  It has been fun, and I don't regret it, even though my belly is now straining against my pants again and the acne on my face has exploded in numbers. 
I am making a commitment from now until the Warrior Dash at least to eat better.  Not strict paleo, but primal again.  I can go back to crossfit on Thursday and maybe even Wednesday depending on how my finger feels.  It makes a huge difference when you've done a hard core workout.  When your muscles are all sore like mine are, from the workout we did yesterday, it is a constant reminder that you're trying to eat better.  My snacking today has been a minimal after my big egg and veggie breakfast.  Plus the only thing I brought to snack on was water and dried dates.  You can only handle so many of those, ya know?  I am going to finish off my Zia's leftovers from last night for lunch and then when I hit the supermarket later I am going to be very picky with my choices.  The chips leftover from the superbowl are finally almost gone and I don't plan on replacing them.  I may look into buying some kind of rice snacks.  I know for sure I can't handle wheat.  I am so addicted.  I can't have pretzels, I'll eat them all.  I can't have bread, it sets off this chain reaction in me to search for any kind of food with sugar in it.  It's kind of crazy.  I feel like I should find a Grains Anonymous group to get some support for my problem.  I seriously should start counting the days like a true addict.  My name is Mary and I am a Grain Addict.  It's been __ days since my last slice of bread. 

Fattening Up and Gluten Loading

So Anna and I have decided that our official date to start our Whole 30 Paleo Challenge will be December 16th.  I will get paid on the 15th, so I can start to replenish the cabinets, fridge and freezer with good for me treats.  Also on this day we shall take before pics so you can be enthralled by our transformations.  To plan I am printing up some Paleo food posters for the fridge and only buying paleo (except for Kefir and Yogurt, I need my good bacteria and can't afford the supplements) from now until the end of the challenge.  In preparation I am eating as much glutenous, sugary, processed food and beer as I can fit down my throat and into my bloated belly.
The plan this time is not to finish the whole 30 with a sugar buffet, but this time to stick with it within reason.  I plan on being super strong and fit for the Warrior Dash in March, so that is my goal.  I am hoping too that Crossfit and Paleo will help me get my knee back in shape in time to run the Great Aloha Run.
Yesterday I had the best time ever, being a part of Keysa Hale's Marathon Pit Crew.  She has been training for months to prepare to run the Honolulu Marathon and only asked that we meet her at some point to hand her some coconut water and grapes.  Instead we created an elaborate plan to meet her at mile 17, hand her the goods, and then run with her relay style until the finish.  I took the first 3 miles.  We chatted about her weekend from mile 17 to 20.  It was awesome running in the marathon.  I got to experience all of the cheering and hullabaloo without actually putting in too much effort.  I did my best to stay out of everyone's way and to enhance Keysa's marathon experience.  At mile 20 I bowed out, called the crew driving nearby and hopped into the car at a bus stop.  We kept driving and when we spotted her and her friend again, Anna jumped out and joined her.  Then Joanna, Ananda and I found them at mile 24 and Ananda and Anna finished the last two miles with her before leaving the track near the finish.  Keysa finished on her own and we celebrated with pictures, oatmeal cookies, and the pool at her hotel.  It was so much fun.  It made Anna and Ananda want to train for a marathon.  It solidified my knowledge that I do not ever want to run 26.2 miles.  I still like shorter distances.

Back to Work

This week I haven't felt too much like blogging.  I had a great week last week and an awesome weekend and then Monday it was back to work.  Bleh.  I love seeing the kids and the people I work with are a lot of fun, but there is just so much about the job that I'm not a fan of.  Anything paperwork or planning or data collection related and my eyes just roll to the back of my head.  It's not too hard, it's not over my head, it's just boring.  Some people love data.  I want to cock punch those people.  Not really, I'm not mean.  But I am absolutely positive that when I have my private practice I am going to hire someone to do some of that stuff.  I will have a secretary adm. assistant someday.  The thought gets me through a lot of days.  That person will organize my files, take down dictation, and maybe do some of my scheduling.  I will meet with clients and do the thinking.
Other than work I went to Tae Kwon Do on Tuesday and tonight.  I felt myself not wanting to be there.  I can just tell that I'm ready for some changes.  The job is not going to change right away, but the exercise is.  I signed the paperwork to cancel my YMCA membership tonight.  It will now expire on the 14th, I will have to be responsible for my own exercising until the New Year and then I am joining Crossfit Kailua.  TKD was awesome for 6 months.  I might go back to it, it will be the same curriculum, but I need a change.  I hate it when exercise feels like a chore, because I know it doesn't have to.  I know that when I am doing the right sport/exercises I wake up looking forward to my workout for the day.  I look forward to learning better technique and working myself to the point of exhaustion.  TKD is not feeling like that for me right now.  I am trying to get over the feeling of guilt I have for switching again, but just because other people stick to an exercise forever doesn't mean that's what I am supposed to do.  If I died next week I'd be pissed that I didn't follow my intuition and switch to something more meaningful.  So here I go, changing it up.
On another note, today is December 1st.  It's time for me to declare my Pre-New Year's Resolution.  I always have a health/fitness goal, but this year I want to add on a spiritual one.  Here goes:
Health and fitness:  From now until New Year's I will eat my own version of modified paleo.  Which is basically paleo without being an asshole and also eating cheese and yogurt.  I am not going to set a weight loss goal, I just want my pants to fit better and to feel less bloated as the New Year rolls in.
Spiritual:  This next year I really want to pay more attention to my intuition.  I'm not going to explain why right now, let's just say I've done a lot of research and I think it's important.  So to prepare for the New Year, my Pre-New Year Resolution will be that every day until the New Year I am going to journal for at least 5 minutes every day.  Nothing special or spectacular, just my thoughts.  If things go right I will be waking up early and journaling before I start my day, but even a few quick lines before I fall asleep would suffice.  I am going to go buy a nice book tomorrow to write in.  Yes, I have composition books that I could use, but I feel like this is something more special.  I've been listening to Deepak Chopra recently and he's got me excited about spirituality.  Go figure.
So those are my resolutions and plans for the New Year, what are yours?  Feel free to leave me some answers in the comment section!

Two Days of Horrible Choices...

From Gokill.com

... And I liked it.  It tasted really good.  Halloween wasn't necessarily the problem.  It was the cookies that were on sale because they were orange Halloween cookies.  They hit my weak spot.  I ate almost a whole container of them.  That's a lot of calories.  Not that I'm counting calories these days, but dayum.  Then I spiraled and ate shit tons of the candy we bought just in case we had a trick or treater.  We didn't.  But we still have candy.  It's a good thing.  I wanted to eat it all.  I get this obsessive need to continue to eat.  I think it's the crack, er, I mean sugar in them.  There were chocolate chips and peanut butter... oh my god, I'm kind of drooling now.  Anyway, I spiraled int over eating and like a true addict I haven't written on my blog because I wanted to be alone with my guilt.  If I wrote about it, I'd have to stop and I didn't want to.  I wanted to stuff my gullet with sugar.  I had an amazing sugar hangover the next morning, which led to my addict thinking- maybe some bread and sugar, or maybe some wine will make me feel better.  Hmmm, I've never tried that before.  Lo and behold, no, more sugar and bread and wine did not make me feel better.  It truly makes me wonder what's in those god damn things.  I am a rational human being.  I make good decisions about my health.  I work out, I eat my vegetables, just like my mommy told me to.  So why is it that I turn into a crack fiend with just a sniff of peanut butter cookies?  Oh well, I'm human.  I'm fessing up to my weaknesses.  It's embarrassing, but true, my kryptonite is a dozen peanut butter cookies.
On another happier note, my Tae Kwon Do is moving smoothly and I will be testing for my orange belt tomorrow, woohoo!  They are letting me test early since I'll be on vacation on the regular testing date.  These guys really rock.  I did a pretest preparation yesterday, got some pointers and should pass with flying colors tomorrow.  I have a few things I have to memorize and I need to remember to do an elbow strike with all of my moves.  I've gotten lazy elbow.  I wish it didn't cost 105 bucks.  But that's martial arts.  It's the cost of the test, the belt and the videos for the next level.  The videos are a great investment.  Even if I don't continue with TKD, I'll always have the videos so I can review the moves.  And if I rejoin I can watch them to remember all my moves so I won't be totally embarrassed.  It was a great workout last night, my arms are still sore.  That's the kind of workout that I love.  I wish every TKD session was like that.  I would stay for sure.
I am going to go make dinner now, I think I can salvage the damage I did over the last couple of days.  I have lots of healthy food since we just got paid recently.  We have steak, broccoli, cauliflower, more beef, and lots of other stuff in the freezer.  I'll see if I can avoid the cookies.  Whatever is left is going to my school tomorrow, the office ladies can eat them.

Stress is Strong!

I have been eating really well since the beginning of this challenge.  I've been mostly paleo with some tastes of things here and there to see how I handle it.  (Except for last weekends Hallowine, see the previous post for that story, LOL)  Wednesday night I came home and Nathan was upset about something and we had a small argument and MAN! stress drives me straight to the carbs.  Let's see, I want to remember correctly what I ended up eating.  I had already made a pork roast and small salt potatoes.  The potatoes were for Nathan and they were drowned in butter.  I had a few of those- maybe 3.  Then after dinner I had a slice of the leftover pizza from the weekend.  A thin crust meat lovers from pizza hut.  I saw myself spinning out of control and grabbed some raisins and walnuts and some chocolate.  It's hard to be totally honest about this, I keep wanting to make my eating habits sound better than they are.  Funny!

Anyway, my stomach is quite upset about Wednesdays shenanigans, still.  I feel bloated and gassy.  That's what I get.  Tonight I'm going dancing for Joanna's birthday.  It's a halloween bash through Arthur Murray.  Nathan's going to join me, so we're going to be late.  We're going to miss the pre-game cocktails, but that's okay because I really don't think I want to drink tonight.  I'm interested to know if Nathan's going to want to dance or not once we get there.  Hope so, that would be very cool.
I may try crossfit again in the morning.  I'm interested to know if their open house workout is always the same.  Or maybe yoga?  Don't know yet.  Last week I went to yoga and it was the one day that that particular instructor has ever cancelled.  Figures.  A sign?  Who knows....

Trial and Error

Yesterday I had a super long day.  I didn't have much time to stop and eat.  I ate with the kids in the office during their lunch time.  Then I raced over to my other school and had a couple of meetings until 4:30.  They were the kind of energy draining meetings that make me not want to work out.  Luckily Jak was at the last meeting and when I said I didn't feel like going to Tae Kwon Do she suggested walking the Lanikai Loop.  I agreed.  So I got home, had some almonds and raisins, changed and we walked the loop.  It was an okay workout, got the blood flowing, but I was just still exhausted when I got home.  I made dinner and for some reason dreamt about the chips in the fridge.  I kept feeling like I couldn't have any and it made me want them more.  Then I remembered that this challenge isn't about being super strict, it's about discovering how to make it a lifestyle.  So I stopped and thought to myself if I really wanted the chips.  I decided I did.  I had 4 chips and walked the dogs.  I really took notice of the taste of the chips and as usual, it wasn't as good as I imagined in my head.  So I stopped eating them.  They didn't really do it for me.  I think part of my problem, when super strict is that the imagined "unhealthy" food takes on this magical delicious taste and texture in my mind.  I keep thinking how wonderful it would be if I could just have a bite...   Well, mostly I know that's not true.  And when I'm not super tired I don't bother.  I have other delicious things to eat.  But when tired or under the weather, I may need to change tactics if the fantasy grows wildly.  I may need to stop and think whether or not I need to have some to stop the madness.  Last night it worked.  Monday it mostly worked, but I wasn't prepared.  I did not let the eating spiral out of control, however.  It's not that I think you shouldn't eat any snacks or carbs at all.  I know that for me, it's like crack-cocaine and I can get out of control.  I am retraining my brain to enjoy a smaller amount, in moderation.  Mostly I go without, but a planned snack is okay.

Also, I'm still deciding whether I should have a glass or two of wine tomorrow at Hallowine.  I may have a glass of wine, or my other options would be drink water all night, maybe in a fancy glass, or to have a drink like a gin and tonic.  I don't even know if that last will be available though.  What are your thoughts?  Continue to work this challenge to be about moderation?  I don't know.  I kind of like how I feel after not drinking.  Maybe I should wait until tomorrow to see how I'm feeling.  If I'm tired and stressed out I might not be able to handle just having one or two glasses, I might go totally overboard.

I am Freaking Awesome

From picturesof.net

I got home from work yesterday and I was so exhausted that all I wanted to do was take a nap.  I still made a burger and fries for Nathan and a burger- no bun with pickle and onions for myself.  I opted not to go to Tae Kwon Do.  I hate doing that.  It's only twice a week, but I was really, really tired.  I watched TV, snacked on some sunflower seeds and dried prunes (seriously, don't knock it til you've tried it), drank a lot of water and went to bed early.  This morning I slept in a little later than normal and took my time getting ready for the day.  I took a few sick hours so I can pull myself together and be ready for the three back to back meetings I have in a little bit.  What a good idea.  I'm a genius.  I had my cup of coffee and my eggs with sausage and now I'm feeling really good.  I could have done what most people do- suck it up and go to TKD and go to work on time instead of taking care of themselves.  I could have gone to TKD and been really off.  I could have gone to work on time, but I wouldn't have felt like talking to anybody or been able to concentrate on paperwork.  I was really tired.  But now I'm getting ready to go and I'm feeling energized.  The people that I meet with later are going to get way more energy, motivation and effective feedback from me because I took a little time for myself.  Our world is a little backwards when it comes to the job force.  We are encouraged to watch the clock, punch in and out at exact times, we are not given reinforcement for doing a good job.  I certainly don't get any incentives for any of the awesome stuff I do.  I've decided over the past year that it's my life and I am going to steer it in the direction I want it to go.  If for some ungodly reason I got let go for taking sick hours for self-care instead of being vomitous or snotty, then they will just be kicking themselves in the asses again anyway.  Cause I do a good job.  And when I take care of myself, I do a better job.  Anyway, just another aspect of health that sometimes we forget about.  Exercise is important.  Eating healthy is important.  Taking care of yourself mentally is also very, very important.
Oh, and I lost another pound, even though I didn't go to my hard core exercise class last night.

It's too early

Woke up super early this morning cause of cramps.  Hope the day goes okay even though I didn't sleep very well.  Writing because being tired is one of my easy excuses to eat terribly.  Too tired to prepare lunch, prepare good breakfast, prepare good dinner.  Tired so I feel like snacking to make myself feel better.  Not gonna do that today.  I'm at one of my schools today, so I'm going to have to make sure I get out and walking around to give myself some energy, instead of slumping in front of my computer.  That's the plan, we'll see how it goes!

Da Da Duh! It has begun!

From laxcrossfit.com

Hello all, today begins my 30 day paleo/primal challenge.  I did one serious paleo challenge in January and I never felt better.  I hesitate to call it a "diet" although that technically is what it is.  However, it is simply a direction for you to turn to eat healthy.  There are no gimmicks involved like, drink this or take that and you'll drop weight.  You don't count calories, you don't starve yourself.  You don't over eat one food type.  It is a kind of healthy eating that for the most part makes complete and total common sense.  Main goal of paleo- eat lots of veggies, meats, nuts and fruits.  Don't eat processed food or sugar.  The part that is hard for people is the dairy, the legumes, the grains and the soy.  Well, and alcohol, but as much as we all love alcohol, it does make complete and total sense that not drinking will help you lose weight.  I think for me, this healthy way of eating rocks because: I love meat, I love vegetables, I love nuts, I love fruit.  I love cooking for myself, so the processed thing isn't hard.  Difficult for me: finding condiments with no added sugar.  It is fucking ridiculous what things have added sugar in them.  Like I said, I love cooking, but do I really want to have to make any sauce I add?  NO.  But there are very limited options.  Even bacon, people.  Bacon has sugar.  The grains part of the challenge is the hardest part.  Not because I can't cook without adding grains and that my meals aren't absolutely fantastic without grains, but because I really love bread.  It's the yeasty smell and the texture.  Bread has brought me down again and again this year when I'm not on a strict challenge.  The alcohol and ice cream were hard for me a couple of times, but it truly is the bread.
The breakdown in healthy eating usually goes like this for me: I have a glass of wine/beer/gin and tonic.  I drink too much of it.  I feel like a need a  piece of toast (which my brain is convinced in it's alcohol addled state is the only thing that will make my stomach feel better).  I realize I have eaten what I know to be food that makes me feel bad.  I think to myself, well I'm already going to feel like shit tomorrow, I might as well have some ice cream.  With chocolate syrup on top.  And a cookie.  And a chocolate bar.  Seriously, this is a story I've lived through many times before.  So, I'm going full strict paleo again this month.

This morning for breakfast I had 3 eggs with some coconut cream and salsa.  Delicious.  I have been drinking my coffee black since January and surprisingly, I love it that way.  Later today I'm gonna have some london broil stir fried with veggies, no need for rice or noodles.  I have almonds, baby carrots and pickled cucumbers on hand for snacking.  I am not sure what lunch will be yet, but it will either be tuna or roast beef from the deli.  I love adding salsa, coconut milk, coconut cream or eggs to everything.

The best part about this diet for me?  It truly feels like how I am meant to eat.  I feel like I am feeding myself well.  I don't feel hungry often and when I do, I just eat.  There will be times that I am busy at work and I don't get a chance to sit down for lunch and I work straight through without snacks or anything.  And I don't get that sick, low blood sugar feeling.  At some point I just start feeling hungry and I'm like, oh yeah, I should eat and I do.  I don't feel like I am starving or over full.  I don't feel deprived of all of those things that are off the list.  When you read the research- and I'll link to a few sites at the bottom where you can- it makes me feel like I'm treating my body with respect and fueling up for whatever crazy adventure is in store for me in the future.

Feel free to join me, you don't have to go paleo, although I do highly recommend it.  But there are people who do really well eating rice and gluten-free or eating oatmeal and soy.  If you are that type of person and want to join me doing a 30 day challenge of whatever healthy eating means for you, do it!  Comment here!

Links for paleo/primal that I love:
Mark Sisson- marksdailyapple.com
Robb Wolf- robbwolf.com
The Whole30, Version 4.0- http://whole9life.com/2011/06/whole-30-v4/

If I forgot any, please comment and leave the sites below.






Yikes! I posted this and realized that I'm totally going to have to do before and after pictures.  Maybe just of my belly.  I'll put the pics up later.

Being a good girl

So proud of myself.  Last night was Ananda's birthday celebration at a local restaurant.  I did not have any wine, fondue, fried calamari, or dipping sauce.  I didn't want to be an asshole, it was a birthday celebration after all, so I ordered a gin and tonic, nursed it all night and pounded water.  I had some of their sweet potato fries without their dipping sauce.  I had a very small taste of the Tiramisu they gave Ananda for her birthday and tasted the chocolate cake that Nathan got for himself.  A very small taste on the end of my spoon.  The smartest thing I did was fill myself up with the meatballs and sauce I made before we left.  I ate more than I normally would.  The smart thing about that was that I was already over full with good food and only had one or two bites to taste, I wasn't hungry or even very tempted.  It also helped that I finished my workout an hour and a half before getting there.  I'm never really hungry after a workout.
The best part about it all is how freaking good I feel this morning.  Not the way I usually feel after spending a fun night with the group.  And I had a fantastic time!  I didn't have less fun because I wasn't drinking or snacking.  I had a blast!  And I didn't feel like I was getting drowsy when it was time to leave.  I was tired, but it was a good, it's time to go to bed soon because it's late feeling, not a holy balls I'm drunk and need to lay down feeling.  I also didn't come home and snack on every unhealthy food I could find.  I just had some more water and went to bed.  Awesome night.

Rough Start

My Kryptonite

To the right is why my healthy eating kind of started yesterday. I wasn't hungry for breakfast after all the crap I ate Friday night, but I went the healthiest I could think of for lunch at the Windward Mall- sushi. There wasn't much options there. It kept me full for quite a while, the ahi and avocado, and wasabi did a good job. Then I went to the Windward Ho‘olaule‘a 2011, watched a great hula show and looked at amazing jewelry made by local artists. Joanna had bought some cookies, but I was good I had just a few tastes. Dinner was steak that I pan fried then put in the oven to finish, and corn on the cob to the side. For any of my paleo friends reading this, I am not rushing into the paleo side of things. I have stuff in my fridge that needs to be eaten. I think this hurt me the last couple of times I've declared I'm going to eat healthy because I feel guilty that they're in there. I'm going to phase out the non-paleo foods, starting with carbs. That I can avoid easily, especially because I know Nathan will eat anything I don't, so nothing will go to waste. He went out and got a whole bunch of paleo groceries yesterday for me, which. is. awesome!!! So we have lots of meat, veggies and fruits. Much easier for me this time. He also got himself hot pockets for those times I'm not around making dinner.

So anyway, off track, last night I had salad with the ladies after dinner, but also had some guinness and red wine. I snacked on all paleo goodies until I got home and had that "too much wine" feeling in my stomach, which I swear is only fixed by a piece of toast. I had an English Muffin, felt better and went to bed soon after. This morning I am not going to beat myself up because I made a lot of good choices in there. I think that's important for anyone not doing a challenge with a shit ton of support. If you beat yourself up for any mistake it makes you feel guilty and so many of us make ourselves feel better with all of those foods we were just feeling guilty about eating in the first place... not a very useful cycle. So I'm just starting my day with some eggs with veggies. We'll see how the rest of the day goes. Hopefully it includes some hiking/walking with the hubby and the dogs.

Primal Challenge

So far I've had a crazy year health wise.  I started off 2011 with an awesome Paleo Challenge.  It was an excellent experiment to see what foods are healthiest for me.  I was the most fit I've ever been.  After the challenge I slowly started adding back more and more junk.  It wasn't on purpose, it's just happened over time.   Then, the past two months several of my friends had a lot going on and subsequently I drank a lot of wine, and ate a ton of food that I know makes me feel like shit and makes me gain weight.  I did have a hell of a time though, so there's no regrets.  My current belly is a tribute to the great friend I was being.  Now I must face the fact that, for my own sanity, I cannot continue that lifestyle.  It is not only annoying not to be able to fit into some of my clothing, but I feel my emotions begin to rollercoaster again.  I am pretty comfortable in my body, I was 175 a few years ago, and that was okay, I was 120 earlier this year, that was cool too.  At 140, I know I'm a hot piece of ass, but I am not my healthiest.  The month of October for me is going to be dedicated to getting back in shape and eating better.  I think that means paleo.  I know I've said I'm going to start eating better several times in the past few months, but this time I definitely mean it.  I want to buy a dress for Arin's wedding, and I would like to be able to wear all of the clothes that Anna has packed for me for the visit to the East Coast.  There are so many reasons to eat healthier and workout one more day a week than I currently am.  As I sit here I am mentally memorizing what my gut feels like after eating horribly last night and drinking several guinness, so when the time comes to make a choice, I will remember it and go for the food that is going to make me feel less bloated.  After I post this I'm going to see if there's a way to put a countdown on the blog.  I need a visual reminder of how many days I have left until my Journey to the East.  As of today I have 5 weeks. That's 35 days for those of you who can't do simple math.  To my loyal followers:  Any other places I can stick a countdown that you know of?  There must be an android phone app or perhaps a facebook or google calendar application?  Ideas?

Sidenote: I do love the way life throws fabulous little seeming coincidences at you all the time.  I was just thinking that I would like to add a picture to the blog to brighten it up, picked up my phone because I thought it made a noise (which it didn't), noticed my Tarot card of the day was The Fool!  It's brilliant because The Fool represents new adventures.  I quote from the app "the journey begins fresh, innocent, and full of potential."  Quite an apt card for today.

New Weight Loss Goal

Weight- 145. Yuck!

Goal- 140 by January 1st.

Alright, it's time for a pre-New Year's Goal. Hopefully I can lose a few pounds before the New Year rolls around so my New Year resolution doesn't have to focus on losing weight like it usually does. I know that the ten pounds that I've put on recently have to do with several factors. One, not blogging. For some reason this tends to keep me on track. I think it has to do with reflecting on my progress or lack thereof. Two, eating too much carbs. I can predict with great certainty that when I let myself eat a lot of carbs, I start to backslide into worse eating habits. There are many reasons that this is true, you can read my past blogs to find out why. Three, I am not involved in a sport that is truly calling me to be active. Tennis is a lot of fun, but I'm not that great, Ananda and I can only play twice a week, and there's no one telling me what to do (a coach) so sometimes I get lazy. So it hasn't been enough. So that's a clue to some of the things I need to change in order to reach a 5 pound weight loss goal by new year. It was 10 pounds- my goal, but then I lost sight of it and to say I will lose 10 pounds in a month is a little too much. If I happen to lose 10, then that's fantastic, but I'm going for at least 5 right now. That's a little over a pound a week for the next four weeks.

Here's my plan:
Diet- I have been researching tofu recipes, not necessarily because I think tofu is that much better for you, but because when I get interested in something new, I tend to think ahead more about my grocery list, which helps me plan ahead, which in the long run will help me lose weight. I know what foods help me lose weight, and which ones are bad for me. That's no secret to me. I just need to plan ahead in order to eat the right amounts. I also want to start looking at tuna fish recipes for lunch. Not with mayonnaise obviously. I actually haven't had mayonnaise in a really long time.
Diet goal for this week then is more tofu, more tuna, less white rice. Try to eat mostly turkey on Thursday for Thanksgiving.

Exercise- Keep up with Tennis Tuesdays and Saturdays with Ananda. However, I have finally started saving up for a martial arts class. I'm getting excited about starting. I am going to go try out a kick-boxing class in Kaneohe on Wednesday. They let you try it for free to see if it's right for you. They also have a Tae Kwon Do class that I want to try out before I decide. I would love to do Tae Kwon Do, but they expect three days a week from you, where kickboxing, you only are expected to go twice a week. I would like to keep playing tennis and I also don't want to get so busy that Nate and I don't have time to spend together. So I will probably go for kickboxing. Once I get to know people over there and get used to going, I may decide to change later on anyway.
Exercise goal for this week- Tennis tonight, Kickboxing tomorrow night, walk on Thursday after eating Turkey, Saturday tennis, and hopefully Nate and I will hike on Saturday or Sunday.

Check in- I should be able to check in to my goals on Sundays and Mondays to update on the weight loss.

Feel free to leave your own pre-New Year's goals!

It's been a while

So paddling season is in full swing, which means that I don't have time for anything else, including blogging. That's why it has been so long. The season has been good, there have been some frustrating times, but all in all I feel like our team is really pulling together. We have come in second 2 times and then we came in 4th place in Kailua. We came in 3rd in Nanakuli, but that race won't count towards States points. It's been challenging, and it's been rewarding. I have sat seat 1 in 3 of our races. Because we have a different coach this year, it took us a while to get used to his coaching style. It was a lot of technique work in the beginning, which seemed really slow and boring, but in the long run it has paid off. We look pretty good anyway. I have taken to running on the beach after practice with whoever will go with me, usually Keysa, Joanna, Amber and Karen. Ananda ran a few times, but it gets really late. It's something I wish I had started doing a long time ago, running barefoot on the beach at night is freaking awesome. It's so nice and cool and somehow there is plenty of light out there to see where you're going. The best has been the few occasions when there has been a full or nearly full moon and you get a full on shadow it's so bright.
My weight goal had been to lose 5 pounds in 5 weeks, but I couldn't get my eating under control to lose the weight. It has taken me about 8 weeks to lose 3 pounds, but I guess that's not terrible. The running definitely helps me since for some reason paddling isn't enough of a cardio workout most of the time. We've been doing more sprinting recently, but it's not anywhere near the level we were doing last year.
So I want to lose those last 2 pounds by my birthday (July 16th if anyone wants to send a gift). Regatta season goes until the first weekend in August. I will try to start running more in the meantime, but when I start running again after paddling I should be able to drop a few more pounds. I would like to lose a few before the half-marathon on September 14.
I have been doing an excellent job drinking a lot of water. I have been taking my big water bottle everywhere with me and I empty it before practice and then I usually drink a ton of water during and after practice. I'm going to continue on that track.
I created a training log for myself on an excel spreadsheet that counts my paddling workouts, my runs, calculates my pace per mile and has an area for counting calories. I set it up to average everything out per month. I'm not going to worry too much about being exact on my calories, but I am going to make sure that I go back and think about the day and try to get everything on there including when I snag a couple of crackers or have a handful of chips. The other day I was very proud of myself, I avoided some emotional eating and wrote to my friends instead. The log is better for me than most I have seen that get really complicated about where you have run and what pair of shoes you were wearing and your measurements and everything. If I ever get into some more weight training or something else that I want to measure I will add it in. If anyone wants to check out my log just comment with your email address and I'll send over my template.
I also just discovered a fantastic free journal/log for both calculating how much calories you're eating and it will compare your intake with your calories burned from activities. I encourage everyone to check it out at http://my-calorie-counter.everydayhealth.com It is very easy to use if you're looking for a log.
Okay, so my new goals:
1. Add entries into the training log every day. Figure out from the log where I am taking in the most calories and where I need to change.
Next week I should have an idea where I need to cut the calories in order to drop a few pounds.
2. Run twice this week.

Mary's Goals and Long Distance Race

You're right about the goals, I haven't written any down in a while.

Long-term goal- I think I'm okay at this weight, but I would really love to get some muscle that you can see in my abs. I think I'm at a point where you might start to see some muscle if I started lifting. I'm going to start small though-

Goal #1- Run at least one time this week. (It's been a while and I'm getting lazy)

Goal #2- Do push ups 2x this week. We're supposed to be able to do 3 sets of 20 (I think, Joanna correct me if I'm wrong) according to the paddling coach, Dan.

Goal #3- Pullups after practice 1x this week. Again, I've been lazy, but I can at least do it one time this week.

Darn it, now I really have to do these things.

Will report back on these goals later.

This weekend was my first real long-distance race. (With Changes). 24 miles. It was pretty incredible. It started at Kailua Beach and ended in Waikiki. We changed out several times over the course, and overall it took about 4 hours. All I know is that our other Kailua team had a time of 3:19 and they got in way before we did. It was absolutely beautiful on the escort boat, but I was so freaking nervous every time we had to jump out of the boat and change in. I was so nervous that I wasn't going to be able to get into the canoe. It was pretty scary because there were actually waves and it never looked like our steerswoman was going to get near enough to us. Of course every time she would end up heading right past us exactly in the right spot. It was definitely a difficult race, there was not a whole lot of waves and it was hot out. Usually the waves give you something to think about, so you don't have a whole lot of time to think about how much paddling hurts after the first hour. There was a couple of stretches where it was pretty smooth and you just felt like you weren't moving. A lot of the race was a challenge to mentally stick with it. I kept thinking about our trip on the Makani Olu, Myia, when we went around Rabbit Island, and were still going past it, and still going past it.... The land just didn't seem to move very fast. I did what I do when we did our long distance runs and picked out spots on the land that we had to get to and just focused on those spots.

Thank God Derek was the coach in our escort boat, he was great. Mike was with the first string boat. Dan went with Joanna's crew. In our boat was Ananda, me, Mele, Stephanie, Sheila, Leyla, and then three girls I don't know as well- Mehana (different from the Mehana from regatta season), Leona, and Angie. Oh, and then Christie (Derek's wife) was steering. She steered the whole thing, it was really cool. She had a bladder with her with water and some gatorade and a couple of power bars and some gum in the back of the canoe with her. I guess she must have taken a few quick breaks.

Leyla had an underwater camera and she says she's going to put some of the pictures on myspace. When she does I'll steal some and put them on this blog.