New Year's Health Goals

It's been a while since I've written on the Life, Health, and Food blog, since I've been on a bit of a spiritual hiatus.  I had completed a paleo challenge with the Crossfit Oahu team, this time called "Natural November."  I did great and once again was looking pretty fit at the end.  When the challenge was over I repeated my same cycle of eating massive amounts of "non-paleo" foods- especially anything with wheat and sugar (cookies, bread, crackers), alcohol and some fried foods.  I've gone through this many times and blogged about it before.  I have no definitive answers.  All I know is that every time I complete a challenge I "fall off the wagon" but every time it is not as destructive to my body.  Since I've been doing the spiritual thing I thought to myself that I would just ride this out and see what happened.  To just really go for it, to listen to my body and try to figure out what I really wanted and see what came out of that.  I didn't want to stop myself and promise that I would eat "better."  I wanted to wait for something to tell me it was time.  So for much of December I had strange combinations of Oreos, whipped cream and bacon for breakfast, if that's what I was craving.  If I felt like eating a "paleo" dinner, I would.  If I felt like potato chips for dinner, I'd go for it.  And if I wanted the entire bag of potato chips in one sitting, then I let go and ate them.  And for some reason, I never felt guilty.  The whole month of December I listened to my body.  I had a couple of evenings where I had some cravings and I walked to Safeway with the express purpose of finding what it was that would fill that craving.  I wandered all the aisles and I decided nothing was off limits.  Was it pickles? Was it cookies? Was it pretzels? Was it cookie dough? Anybody following me around would think I was crazy.  People go to the grocery store with lists!  I just wandered.  I'd pick something up and put it in my basket, but I might get to another aisle and decide that no, this chocolate bar would be better.  I stopped stuffing down the craving beast and let it out into the open.  I talked to it.  I listened.  Sometimes we had a miscommunication.  Turns out the cookie dough was not ever really the answer.  One time I picked just the right donut and enjoyed every single bite.  One evening it was pretzels and Guinness.  It was really fun to explore this feeling.  I've written a little about this before, too.  Do I want something crunchy?  Something sweet?  Something fatty or fried?  While I wandered around the store I had time to really pinpoint it.  As the end of December was nearing I began to have moments where I doubted myself.  I thought I would have to do another challenge or set some restrictive goals- goodbye bread and alcohol.  As I was washing dishes one day I thought, "Okay, tomorrow I will go back to eating healthy."  And it was strange.  I've gotten so used to questioning my thoughts and beliefs and this time, I didn't believe myself.  I was saying it, but it was untrue.  So I took it back.  I told myself I would not make a commitment or goal about restricting something from my diet until I could feel it was time.  A couple more times I had the thought that I was ready, but it wasn't true.  Then for some reason on December 18 in the bright and early pre-dawn hours I woke up and thought, "Okay, I'm ready."  And it was true.  It was a release.  I didn't have to stuff my face with sweets, but I didn't have to restrict myself completely anymore.  And still, I waited for the New Year to start eating better.  I wanted to make sure.  And for the rest of the month, I felt like I was saying goodbye.  Farewell, Guinness.  Farewell, wine.  Farewell, bagels.
For 2013, I'm not going to drink.  I am not completely restricting myself, if there is an important social gathering I'm not saying I'm "not allowed."  But I don't think I will.  I am also going to continue to listen to my body to tell me what I want to eat.  But it won't be the same things that I wanted before.  I am going to continue to ask myself if my next action will lead me to feeling one of my Core Desired Feelings: Powerful, Energized, Connected, Clear and Free.
As for fitness I have a few goals, they include being able to do 5 handstand pushups, being able to lift 65 pounds for my overhead squat.  To be able to do 5 muscle-ups, and increasing my mobility.  I would love to be able to do a split.  I'm so inflexible.
My other resolution for the year is that I intend to be more authentic every moment of every day.
What are your resolutions for this year?

Update with Being Primal

Earlier this month I decided that I wanted to try Mark Sisson's Primal BluePrint. Paleo is just a guideline for what food is good for you and what foods to avoid. I love it and feel totally healthy, but feel like I am ready to graduate to a full body version of the concept. I have always been a fan of Mark's website, marksdailyapple.com. I read all of his blog posts. So I'm completely bought in to the theory of Primal Blueprint. I think it is an amazing way to look at health, nutrition, exercise, sleep, basically everything that can keep a person healthy and happy. The thing that really draws me to the PB is that it really speaks to my lazy, fun side. The side that doesn't want to exercise like a maniac and restrict what food I am "allowed" to eat. The part of me that knows that counting calories is stupid and short-term. (I'm not saying it doesn't work or that that hasn't helped some people. But don't you just know there's a better way?) So if you go to his website and look at the Definitive Guide to the Primal Blueprint, you'll see the basics.
1. Eat lots of animals, insects and plants- this is my favorite way to look at nutrition. Eat Real Food.
2. Move around a lot at a slow pace- walk around, use the stairs, take a stroll, walk your dog, do this every day.
3. Lift Heavy Things- the Primal Blueprint version of lifting weights, or doing body weight exercises. Mark has a great simple guide to exercises you can do with little to no equipment with modifications for all fitness levels. Super simple.
4. Run really fast every once in a while- this one has blown my mind! I always thought that I had to do cardio 3-5 times a week! And truthfully, when I wasn't eating paleo or primal I did have to run 3-5 times a week to maintain a healthy weight. Now that my eating has vastly improved (not the quantity, but the quality) my need to seek out the nearest treadmill is gone. Some sprints (running or biking or stairs) will suffice once or twice a week.
5. Get lots of sleep- The research is out there folks. You have to find the right amount of sleep for you. Some people need a lot of sleep, some people need less. But if your health is out of wack and you're convinced that you only need 3-5 hours of sleep a night, you may want to re-evaluate. Our body does so much restoration and healing while we sleep. It is the time that all of the damage you did to it all day finally has a chance to start being internally repaired. If you don't give your body the time it needs, you will never fully heal.
6. Play- Favorite Rule Ever! And who would believe that we would need someone to tell us to go have fun! But it's true, we spend so much time scheduling in "exercise" that moving around becomes such a drag, such a chore. Thankfully I have friends who are interested in play! Our hikes are never a simple walk in the woods, there is always socializing, laughter, and great use of imagination. We've played all kinds of sports together, from tennis to swimming to paddling to (hopefully soon!) racquetball. Don't argue with this! You need fun in your life!
7. Get some sunlight every day- This one is a bit counter intuitive to "modern science" in quotations because I think modern scientists have been led way off track with their research. I usually use Dr. Mercola as a reference first, since he doesn't seem to be biased by big businesses, the media or pharm companies. Anyway, sunlight has a lot of valuable properties. I think everyone has heard about Seasonal Affective Disorder at this point and some of that has to do with the lack of available sunlight. Just in case you don't actually go read the articles or resources, no one is advocating for getting out there and getting a sun burn. If you've gotten that red, you've had too much sun. But some sun is good. That golden tan from being in the (real) sun for a little bit every day is actually good for you.
  8. Avoid Trauma- this one is pretty common sense, but important. Don't dive into shallow water. Be aware of your surroundings. Don't exercise beyond what your body can handle. (Know the difference between good sore and hurt.)
9. Avoid Poisonous Things- This is the one I have most trouble with. Everyone's body is different and what we tolerate to what level is different. I hope you take the time to really figure out how well your body is tolerating grains, dairy, legumes, sugar and vegetable oils. Mine doesn't handle grains well at all (except for rice, that seems to be fine). I break out with acne with legumes, sugar and vegetable oils. When I eat anything with grains or sugary I also balloon up with both excess weight and bloating. I get gassy to the point that my stomach is painful and I have to wear loose pants that don't make the pain worse. Even though I know this, it has been difficult for me to say no to this stuff. First, because I used to love it and finding food to replace the emotional connection I have for those foods is tough. (Eating chips after a hard day at work, or ice cream for "treat.") Second, people tend to want you to eat these foods. I found that once I began to eliminate them from my diet totally, people began to push them on me like drug dealers. I am lucky that my husband and my closest friends don't do this. My husband still keeps them around the house, but won't try to tempt me with those foods anymore. Other people are a different story. I am tempted to tell everyone that I am diabetic or have Celiac Disease, but fuck that. I should be able to tell you, no, I don't eat wheat or sugar or whatever, and you should say, okay. It's okay to ask me why. But what irks me is when I tell people this and then they make an attempt to sell the food to me somehow. "But, it's so good!" "But this whole wheat is good for you!" "Come on, just have a bite!" It would be funny to see how badly people want you to eat these foods, if I wasn't already having a hard time saying no. Yes, I do want that cream filled donut, but it will make me gassy and bloated and therefore I am choosing not to eat it. Hard to fend people off when that donut is being waved under your nose. Anyway, like I said, here's where I have the most difficulty.
10. Use your mind- Good advice. I try to do this daily as some form of reading of a book or blog or word game.

If anyone wants to join me in my health quest, write me an email or drop a comment below. I'm not an expert, but I am a super cheerleader.

Breakdown? Or Breakthrough?

Yummy looking Steak

I was wondering how long it would take, or if it would happen at all.  I began the most recent paleo challenge, run by Crossfit Oahu on April 1.  I didn't have any difficulty during the challenge.  I found myself not wanting grains or alcohol, which are usually the cravings that I have.  In fact, it's usually something crunchy that I miss.  Anyway, the whole 45 day challenge was no problem.  Keysa and I decided to keep it up, and start a newer challenge with three "cheats" allowed during a week.  I didn't have any for the first two weeks.  Then I did carefully select some yogurt and honey.  I totally enjoyed it.  That was fine.  I did start craving some things I haven't had in a while.  I made it through May I think, and then my thinking started to change and I could tell.  I had pizza on June 12, which is fine, except that I didn't enjoy the three slices I shoved down my throat.  I ate better the next couple of days, then that Friday I had alcohol and some of the brownies that are STILL in my fridge that I made for Nathan's co-workers a few weeks ago.  Again, not a problem normally, except that I didn't play on it.  I just mindlessly ate it and felt slightly guilty about it.  I could feel myself going more and more off track.  Finally, this past Tuesday, some of my co-workers had ordered some lunch plates and I had not prepared myself a good lunch.  I had stopped to get a salad, and put raisins on it.  I had bought an avocado to add to it, but it turned out not to be ripe enough.  I had some of their breaded, deep fried shrimp and some of the sushi.  On my way home, all I could think about was fried won tons.  I realized then that I had to do something about this.  So.  I deliberately went to get some of the food I had been craving.  I got some garlic rolls and man doo pi from Foodland, I grabbed a bottle of wine, and went home.  I told my husband that I was going to eat whatever I could think of that I had been avoiding so if he wanted to go out and get pizza or something, tonight was the night.  So we both ordered P'zolos from Pizza Hut and got their super, duper hot wings.  We got the breaded, boneless wings.  I drank my wine, and ate tons of food.  But this time I did it mindfully.  I enjoyed every bite.

Pizza Hut P'Zolo

Yesterday I gave away the rest of the rolls, because Nathan won't eat them and I didn't enjoy them as much as I thought I would.  I hung on to the mon doo, and ended up eating the rest of it yesterday and today.  So now my leftovers should be all gone.  Yesterday I started my day with a huge omelette.  I prepared an awesome salad for lunch.  I made a tasty paleo dinner, but added some of the won tons.  This morning I finished the won tons, but again, I made a huge omelette, and made a delicious looking lunch of chicken sausage and leftover steak and veggies from last night.  My plan is to feed myself lots of primal food, even if it seems like too much.  I will start planning ahead again.  I can already tell my thinking patterns are starting to shift again.  I feel more motivated today, and I had this awesome daydream about the retreat house I will own someday in the woods near a lake.  The last couple of days I was just tired, and didn't feel like doing anything.  Today my imagination is back.
Breakdown? Or Breakthrough?  My verdict is that it is a breakthrough.  This time around I have been keeping a simple record of what I've been eating and I was able to look back to see the patterns.  My co-workers might really appreciate the data collection.  Anyway, looking back I can see where my thinking started to change.  Partially, it had to do with Keysa being gone, apparently I do better with some accountability.  Keysa and I were talking about food a lot, and with her being gone, I wasn't as focused on nutrition.  It may just be that it wasn't a priority for me.  I noticed at the same time that some of my lazier habits tend to come back all at once.  I wasn't having as much fun preparing for and making dinner, I wasn't waking up as chipper as normal, and on days when I didn't have work, I was starting to sleep in pretty late and not shower all day.  No big deal, except that it is usually the sign of the beginning of a depressive episode for me.  We all have our signs if we pay attention.  So.  I am actually just realizing this as I type.  And I realize that I need to pull my shit together right now, cause I'd prefer not to get all moody and non-motivated.  Do we all get like this sometimes?  I don't know.  I just know what happens to me.  I can envision myself holing up in the house, not crafting, not reading, just laying around.  Awesome, right?  Not that I was falling into a depression, but that I'm able to catch it this time!
I encourage anyone who is trying to make a major life change, such as totally changing your eating habits to share it with the right friends to create some accountability.  For me, just knowing that some of my friends will read this, is what is going to get me back on track.  Even if not one of you makes it all the way through the end of this long ass blog post, there is the slight possibility that you have, and that you might wonder whether I am going to follow through on my commitment to changed behavior.  So, thankyou kind reader for keeping me healthy and sane.

Busy!

Used these for my pull-ups

So I have been incredibly busy for a while and then last week I kind of shut down a bit.  Work has not given me much breathing room, so I've been going non-stop during the day.  It's been a lot of fun having Anna around, because I've been super active on the days that I'm not working and even sometimes on the days that I am.  Crossfit has been awesome.  I really like the coaches so far, each one has their own style and has different kinds of workouts.  They aren't kidding when they say "Our Warmup is Your Workout."  The warm-up for yesterday's workout was finding the max weight you could lift with a back squat.  I started off way too low, not knowing what I was capable of and ended up doing a ton of reps before I found what was really difficult.  Then we did pushups, pullups and squats to make sure we had the proper form before we even started our workout.  Which was a 25-20-15-10-5 for form instead of time.  So you do 25 pullups with whatever modification you need, in proper form.  If it's not good form it doesn't count.  Then 25 pushups, then 25 squats.  Then 20 pullups, pushups and squats.  Then 15 pullups, pushups and squats and so on and so forth.  I liked this workout, since it was a change from the usual beat the clock.  I wasn't racing anyone or competing with anyone.  I took as much time as I needed in between reps to make sure my next pullup was going to be a good one.  And if I performed badly I took a couple of seconds to recoup and redo.  It took around 20 minutes.  I like that you learn alot about what you are capable of and what you need to work on.  I find myself getting stronger very quickly.  As Keysa, Anna and I agreed yesterday, it also doesn't hurt to have such eye candy available during your workouts.  Co-ed workouts are great, just sayin'.
As for the paleo challenge, yesterday was technically my last day.  Over the weekend though, I had kind of a depression breakdown, I didn't want to do anything and I just had this strong craving for something and I couldn't figure out what it was.  On Sunday Nathan wanted Zippy's and I got dinner there.  Of course, it was not paleo in the least.  There is no paleo at Zippy's.  It was an interesting experiment.  I had some french fries, and that did not satisfy the craving.  I had some of a bear claw and that did not satisfy the craving.  I am glad that I did the experiment as a "cheat" during my challenge.  It turns out that all of those snacks that I would seek out to satisfy that craving, didn't satisfy at all.  So I stopped eating them.  Back to better eating on Monday.  I did this challenge in my own way without guilt, so like I said in earlier posts, it was not a perfect "whole30."  I didn't follow all of the rules, I just closely based my eating habits on it.
So in review for this challenge:
I was not a stickler about cheese.  I didn't actively put cheese on my food, but several times we went out to dinner and invariably there would be cheese on the salad.  I would flick some off, but eat the rest.  Dairy has not been a huge issue for me, so I didn't go totally crazy about keeping it off my food.  I did not, however, drink milk or have yogurt or kefir.  I think I'm going to add back kefir at times now that I'm done with the challenge.
I kept bread out totally.  This is the main one that I want to keep doing.  With every other food in the world I seem to be able to regulate.  Bread is my kryptonite.  As for the rest of grains, I'll leave out rice for the most part, noodles totally.  Other grains like quinoa, granola, oatmeal- in moderation as a special treat.  Definitely not a daily addition.
Soy I'm done with.  I was never a fan of it in the first place, so there's no reason for me to reintroduce.  I will not be an asshole if someone offers me something to eat if it is soy based, but I'm definitely going to steer clear if I'm not making anyone uncomfortable.
Sugar- I'm going to do my best to stick to high percentage cacao as a replacement for sugary desserts.  Bananas, other fruit and coconut milk are great replacements as well.  There are going to be times that I will be offered sugary treats.  I am going to turn them down as a general rule.  There may be times like this weekend where I may need some chocolate.  Again, I'm going to do my best to use the better options and steer clear of things like snickers or peanut butter cups.
Alcohol.  This was hard for me during the challenge, which tells me something about my relationship with alcohol.  It's something for me to think about for sure.  A glass of wine with dinner or after is no big deal, but I need to get clear about what the strong cravings were about.  I need to get better at coping with boredom or loneliness/sadness with something other than food/drink.  I was surprised that there were times that I almost panicked.  I wrote about the day I gave in and had tequila with coconut water.  It was obvious once I had some that it was not the cure-all I had been looking for.  I never did figure out why I wanted some so badly.  Then last night I had wine- a few glasses with Anna and Keysa.  On the drive to take Keysa home I actually felt naseous.  Obviously had too much.  So I'm gonna keep an eye on this one.  I will continue to report because this is my freaking blog and I can do what I want.

So back on track

My Muscles are Gonna Be Huge

Thank God for the paleo challenge I'm doing again.  And thank God Keysa is doing it with me.  I was just reading through my blog posts from 2011.  I was doing fantastic at the beginning of the year, and stayed on track until about July.  Then I started to really veer off of the healthy eating.  I wonder if it is because Tae Kwon Do was not challenging enough.  Either way I gained weight, and then started eating horribly, starting with the HalloWine at the YMCA.  Then straight through December and the end of 2011.  It's pretty awesome how quickly it happens.  2012 has again been a great start.  Crossfit has been fun, although some of the Group Elements classes have been extraordinarily boring.  I think I've mentioned that before.  It's cool though, because now we know what the hell they're talking about when they set forth the workout and I don't feel like a complete idiot.  The other day we did Cindy, I did 13 rounds.  I had a lot of modifications, but I'm okay with it.  I know that TKD allowed me to get really weak.  It's no excuse, I'm just not the type to keep up with workouts on my own.  If we didn't do pushups or cardio during a class, I certainly wasn't going to do it on my own.  So my Cindy was pretty weak, but I have something to work towards now.  At some point I'd like to be able to do a straight dead hang pullup.  Maybe even a few in a row!  I want to be strong like I used to be.  It would be a lot of fun to be able to pull myself up the pullup cage or up the rings ropes or up the regular old ropes and just fucking climb all around.  That's right, like a freaking monkey.  That's my goal for the next few months.  Sweet abs would be great while I'm at it, but being able to climb like a monkey is a-number-one priority.

Not Like This One

Like This Monkey

Holy Crap

Crossfit Day 2 Group Elements kicked my ass a little.  The class went super long, but again, I'm sure it was good for me, we did a lot of practice on technique, mostly deadlift.  Afterwards we did a quick medicine ball clean/burpee workout, and my legs were so freaking sore I modified the shit out of them.  I was walking my ass out for the pushup and mostly just thinking about jumping for the clap at the top.  Kind of looking up at the ceiling, swinging my arms out, shouting mentally at them to come together where they were supposed to.  Good workout.
When we got home I used the lacrosse ball on Anna's back to stretch her out and she did the same to me.  I can't tell if it was a good idea or not, it was one of those things that is supposed to be good for you, but makes you want to scream in pain.  All in all it was a good day.

30 Day Challenge for Realz

Popping Poppers

Photo Shoot

I had an awesome Christmas this year, Anna and I skyped with multiple family members and got some crazy awesome gifts.  Then did a lot of relaxing over the winter break.  Saturday was New Years Eve, in case you didn't know, and that was so much fun!  We hiked 2 of the 3 peaks of Olomana, did some photography shoots and tarot card readings on the peak.  Had Teddy's Bigger Burgers for our meal after and then headed home to get all dressed up to hang out.  We headed to Joanna's where Keysa is house sitting and did lots of drinking and more photography.  Nathan set off some poppers and entertained the 5 ladies hanging out.  The doggies stayed outside and barked at fireworks going off in the distance.  They were just the right amount of drugged so they didn't go totally crazy.  I felt kind of bad, but it's better than how scared they get otherwise.  Nathan and I dropped off Anna and Ananda downtown, then picked them back up 3 hours later.  All in all it was a great end to the year.
Yesterday I woke up pretty tired and cranky and Nathan and I were snippy at each other.  Then I took a nap and felt better. But we also started our paleo whole30 challenge yesterday for real.  It's not too different for me.  Luckily I have practice not having toast when Nathan has toast and can avoid the chocolate in the fridge.  Anna does not have such practice under her belt.  I feel pretty good, although I am still pretty bloated from my December shenanigans.

Lovely Ladies

So far so good in 2012!  The plan for today is to hike Kaena Point!  Will put up some pics if we go!

Anna's in Hawaii!

Pre-Thanksgiving on Hammock

This past Monday Anna and I were driven to the airport in a fancy schmancy car at 5am.  Her plane left at 7:30am and I slept in the airport until my plane left at 11:30am.  It wasn't so bad.  I also got a tuna melt and a coffee in the airport.  Yummy.  The flight wasn't horrible, I watched a few movies and napped a little.  When I landed I had to stay awake to go pick Anna up at 10:30pm Hawaii time.  I was so exhausted.  I got a little sick and just felt like sleeping for the next couple of days.

Jak and Ananda with Cake

We cruised around to Ben Franklin, hiked the Pillboxes, grocery shopped and prepared for Thanksgiving.

Anna's new Bike, Carmen

Thanksgiving was nice and relaxed.  I made some stuffing and spaghetti squash.  We went to Joanna and Jeff's and surprised Jak with a cake for her birthday.  We talked story with the ladies, then we headed over to Bobby and Corey's place for some more turkey.  Corey prepared a huge spread of food including a stuffed turkey and a huge ham, mashed potatoes, gravy and cranberry sauce.  Good thing we went since we were the only ones who showed up to eat all that food.  Anna and I stuffed ourselves, then Anna passed out on the couch.  We got mad leftovers to take home.
I tried to go into work on Friday, but the office was closed and I headed home to do a bit of paperwork.  When I did all I thought I needed to, Anna and I went out and she bought herself a bike.  It's really great, it's purple and she got a basket put on the front and fenders were ordered to be put on on Monday.  We grabbed some applications from a few bars on the way home.

Hamama Falls

Saturday morning we hiked Hamama Falls with Theresa, Joanna, Jak, Keysa and Ananda, and the doggies.  It was the perfect length of hike.  Tiring, but we still had energy for more activities later.  Anna and I headed to the beach in the afternoon.  It was super windy, so we hunkered down and watched the kite surfers.  Then we rode into town so Anna could grab a surf board she found on Craigs List.

Ze Beach is Zat Way!

Sunday we hiked the Koko Head stairs and then headed to the Verizon store to see if we could get Anna on her own phone plan.  She decided against it for the moment since it's pretty expensive with all the texting she does.  We got some yogurt from Yogurtland (delicious!!!) and headed back home.  We were going to head to the beach again since all the ladies and Jeff were headed that way, but we got caught in traffic.  When we got closer we realized it was due to some brush fires that were ignited all along the road side.  We had a whole bunch of ash blow straight at us in a quick windstorm.  Awesome!

Looking for Recyclables

Instead of the beach Anna decided to ride around town on her bike and check out the local stores.  I stayed home and did very little.  I think I had some wine and thought about taking a nap.  Then Joanna texted that they were at a coffee house in town and I met them over there.  It's one of my new favorite stores I've decided.  It had a whole bunch of locally handmade goods for sale and was comfortable, warm and the tea latte I had was delicious.

Waah!

I finally went back to work yesterday for a full day.  It was good, but I was a little bored.  Not that I didn't have plenty to do, I just didn't want to do it.  I had the same problem today.  I did a lot of work, but my heart wasn't really in it.  It was hard to get back to the same ol', same ol.  We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Smoke from Brushfire

Tonight is Tae Kwon Do, and hopefully it doesn't kick my ass too badly.  I am out of practice and out of shape.  I did go to the grocery store today to pick up healthier food so I am not picking on all of the chips and bread available to me in my refrigerator.  I have plenty of other options now.  No excuses!
It's going to be time to start my pre-New Year's Resolution!  I need to figure it out by Thursday.  Hope everyone else is ready with theirs, too.

Finally Crawled out of Bed

Wish I had one of these!

So Tuesday evening I flew out of warm Honolulu and headed to the East Coast.  My flight was so not comfortable.  Like an idiot, I forgot my pillow so my neck was all cramped up all night.  The guy next to me was very nice, but almost silent, and in his sleep he kept stretching out, getting all up in my space.  Then he'd wake up, look embarrassed and pull himself together until he fell asleep again.  I could not find a comfortable spot and had a painful stomach ache from the diet pepsi I drank that afternoon.  So, I guess it could have been better.  I did see Harry Potter the second part of the last one.  Good stuff.
I landed in Newark at about 10:30 Eastern time and began the journey up to NY state.  My Aunt Nancy picked me up, we met Mom for lunch and we had a picnic lunch complete with baked chicken and a banana cream pie to celebrate Mom's birthday.  Then Mom and I finished the trip north.  Not too much traffic, that was good, and the weather was really warm.  Got to keep the windows down for most of the trip.
When I got to my parents' house we did a hike through the woods of my childhood and surveyed the hurricane damage.  Pretty intense.  It's been enough time that it doesn't look as brutal as I'm sure it did, but there are trees down everywhere.  The really weird part is looking out and all the trees are leaning the same way.  Normally the trees just lean wherever the ground is taking them, but there is an crazy pattern to the leaning now.
It started to get cold around 4pm, and I wrapped up in a blanket on the couch and watched NCIS while Mom graded papers.  I love NCIS.  She left halfway through it the first time, cause her best friend from High School called her for her birthday.  So we watched it again.  I fell asleep for the second run through.  We had a fabulous baked chicken dinner with a veggie salad, asparagus and sweet potato.  Totally paleo and not on purpose.  My parents certainly aren't paleo, they just like real food.  Mom and I perused some of the stuff in one of the dressers in my old room.  I had really great fashion sense in high school, let me tell you.  There was quite a bit of belly laughing as each item came out of the dresser.
Dad came home late and I hung out with him for a while, we discussed Quantum Physics, the Web Theory and the String Theory as they relate to mental health.  Seriously.  Then I put an extra blanket on the bed upstairs so I could curl up.  Did I mention that I felt so cold I never actually changed out of my clothes?  I totally curled up in all my clothing and shivered until the bed warmed up.  I forget how totally quiet it is out here.  There was no sound last night.  I slept very well.
Woke up and hung out with Mom and Dad before they headed to work and made myself a leftovers omelette.  Salad, asparagus and baked chicken.  Yum!!

Just a picture of Opus 40.  Always reminds me of home.

I'm contemplating what to do with my morning.  I think I'm going to don my workout gear and head into the woods.  It's been a while.  I'm usually in such a rush when I'm here, but I have absolutely nothing to do for a few hours.  I'm not going to waste it with TV (which was definitely my first thought).
Anna should be here around 11am and we'll try on some shoes and clothes and get ready to go, so when Dad gets home from his meeting we can take off right away.  Tonight and this weekend are going to be so much fun!  I can't wait!

Titus and Gizmo- best dogs in the world.

Did I mention I really, really, really miss my husband and my doggies?

Eating Healthy is the First to Go

So I have been having a really hard time the past few days.  It doesn't matter that I'm going back East to have a fabulously fun time, it's always stressful to get ready for a long vacation.  Especially since Nathan isn't going with me.  I'm not packed yet.  I just bought dresses for the wedding.  I'm finishing my paperwork here at work and there is way more than I'd like to admit to get done here still.  When I get stressed I get hypersensitive.  So when my friends came to help me find dresses at Ross yesterday instead of being able to enjoy the time, although it did end up being quite fruitful, I was snippy and grumpy.  When I get stressed I want everyone to just go away so I can sit by myself and pull myself back together.  But I can't do that right now.  I left myself too much to do, and Nathan's mother is visiting from New York.  I may head off to the library or something before I head home so I can just have a moment or two of alone time.  I don't need much.  But I haven't been by myself in a while.  I need that.  Of course tomorrow evening I'm going to get plenty of alone time.  I'm going to be sitting by myself in the airport for two hours and then flying by myself for 11 more.  After that I'm not sure if I'm going to have any time to relax, I think pretty much from when I land I'm going to be all over the place, trying to fit a bazillion things into two weeks of vacation time.
I hate to admit it, but my eating has been shit.  I have been stuffing bread down my throat and drinking wine at night.  On Saturday we went to the Polynesian Cultural Center, which was pretty great.  The shows were good at each island "station" and then we did a buffet dinner and "Ha, Breath of Life" the show.  So in the morning I ate well, my eggs as usual, but then we got to PCC and the only semi-foodlike thing to eat was chili nachos or a chili hot dog.  So I just ate the chili hot dog and enjoyed it.  I also had some shave ice, which is a tooooon of sugar.  Then, of course, the buffet was painfully bad for me.  I did my best in the beginning to line my plate with the prime rib, the crab legs, the eggplant, the fish and chicken.  There were also lots of sauted vegetables.  The thing is that most of the meat was breaded and fried and the sauces were all full of sugar.  And that just sends me into a tailspin.  This ended with 2 slices of oreo cheesecake among other tasty desserts.  Keep in mind, the food was DELICIOUS.  Then yesterday, breakfast and lunch were good, but dinner was sloppy joes with this delicious bread from this fabulous bread store down the street.  How am I going to argue when someone else is cooking for me?  My motivation and self-control have been non-existent.  At least I went hiking yesterday.
Anyway, those are my complaints.  All in all, not so bad.  I've got a pretty great life.  It just sometimes feels overwhelming, even though eating a great deal of food is not really a problem in many people's books.  I am lucky and grateful that I have my mother-in-law out here buying us food and cooking for us.

The good news is I got two fabulous dresses, I've got a list here next to me of all the things I need to pack so when I go home it shouldn't take too long and my Ipod is full of good music and two audio books.  I don't know what movies are going to be happening on the plane, but hopefully I can sleep through them and be ready to rock and roll when I get to New Jersey Wednesday morning.  I will be in charge of making food for myself in the next few weeks and I am going to be very selective about what I buy.  Lots of bacon, hopefully.

Two Days of Horrible Choices...

From Gokill.com

... And I liked it.  It tasted really good.  Halloween wasn't necessarily the problem.  It was the cookies that were on sale because they were orange Halloween cookies.  They hit my weak spot.  I ate almost a whole container of them.  That's a lot of calories.  Not that I'm counting calories these days, but dayum.  Then I spiraled and ate shit tons of the candy we bought just in case we had a trick or treater.  We didn't.  But we still have candy.  It's a good thing.  I wanted to eat it all.  I get this obsessive need to continue to eat.  I think it's the crack, er, I mean sugar in them.  There were chocolate chips and peanut butter... oh my god, I'm kind of drooling now.  Anyway, I spiraled int over eating and like a true addict I haven't written on my blog because I wanted to be alone with my guilt.  If I wrote about it, I'd have to stop and I didn't want to.  I wanted to stuff my gullet with sugar.  I had an amazing sugar hangover the next morning, which led to my addict thinking- maybe some bread and sugar, or maybe some wine will make me feel better.  Hmmm, I've never tried that before.  Lo and behold, no, more sugar and bread and wine did not make me feel better.  It truly makes me wonder what's in those god damn things.  I am a rational human being.  I make good decisions about my health.  I work out, I eat my vegetables, just like my mommy told me to.  So why is it that I turn into a crack fiend with just a sniff of peanut butter cookies?  Oh well, I'm human.  I'm fessing up to my weaknesses.  It's embarrassing, but true, my kryptonite is a dozen peanut butter cookies.
On another happier note, my Tae Kwon Do is moving smoothly and I will be testing for my orange belt tomorrow, woohoo!  They are letting me test early since I'll be on vacation on the regular testing date.  These guys really rock.  I did a pretest preparation yesterday, got some pointers and should pass with flying colors tomorrow.  I have a few things I have to memorize and I need to remember to do an elbow strike with all of my moves.  I've gotten lazy elbow.  I wish it didn't cost 105 bucks.  But that's martial arts.  It's the cost of the test, the belt and the videos for the next level.  The videos are a great investment.  Even if I don't continue with TKD, I'll always have the videos so I can review the moves.  And if I rejoin I can watch them to remember all my moves so I won't be totally embarrassed.  It was a great workout last night, my arms are still sore.  That's the kind of workout that I love.  I wish every TKD session was like that.  I would stay for sure.
I am going to go make dinner now, I think I can salvage the damage I did over the last couple of days.  I have lots of healthy food since we just got paid recently.  We have steak, broccoli, cauliflower, more beef, and lots of other stuff in the freezer.  I'll see if I can avoid the cookies.  Whatever is left is going to my school tomorrow, the office ladies can eat them.

Crossfit Makes Me Want to Barf, Or Maybe it's the Alcohol

Keysa and I hit up Crossfit Kailua again this morning.  I was worried it was going to be the same old workouts, but I was wrong.  Very wrong.  Luckily I think when the guy in charge sees people that have been there before he is going to mix it up a little.  That's good and bad news, because today we did Burpees, Thrusters and a run with the damn medicine ball.  They must do the run with the medicine ball to get you to not ever want to do an intro class again.  It's not the run itself or the weight, it's the size of the damn ball.  There is no comfortable way to hold it while you run.  So you shift it from side to side, put it over your head and on your shoulder... Hold it behind your back and two hand it in front of you, it's really just a mess.  I could barely do any thrusters and burpees, maybe cause I'm a wuss or maybe cause of the amount of nasty (delicious) food I ate last night.  Maybe both.  Before we started I had a stomach ache.  While we were exercising, I wanted to vomit.  Afterwards... yeah, still wanted to vomit.  But the thing that's cool is that you're in and out of your workout pretty quick, dead tired, you know you worked out, there is no question about that.  I'm sure it will make me better at Tae Kwon Do, unfortunately I can't afford both.  This is one of those times I really wish I was rich.
I ended up going to Crossfit on an empty stomach this morning, which was a good idea, cause I probably would have barfed.  For lunch I had some of my delicious slow cooked chicken stew.  I really need to practice getting the bones out of it though, cause I thought I did a good job, but I keep finding little pieces.  There's nothing grosser than chomping on a bone in your soup.  Also, today I added some Red Hot hot sauce and Primo Taglio Cheddar Cheese.  Quite delicious.
I also had a chance to Skype with my beautiful sisters, Anna and Arin and Arin's fiance Andrea.  And their dogs.  And took my dogs to the vet for their "pedicures" (read- nails trimmed and anal glands expressed) and bathed 'em.  Good day so far.

Stress Eating

For some reason what I ate today for lunch made me feel really bloated around 5pm.  My stomach started to hurt, I could feel it pushing against my pants and it didn't feel better when I changed into stretchy pants upon reaching home.  I felt gassy.  Not sure what I ate that did that.  I didn't change my diet very much at all.  Then I got home and Nathan was mad at me for something, cause I was a bit of an idiot.  I lost a little control and had some potatoes with butter and a little of the brussel sprouts that I made for Nathan.  The only thing wrong with the sprouts was the processed butter sauce that it comes packaged with.  I made a delicious pork roast in the oven rubbed with salt and garlic powder.  So I ate two slices of that.  Then I still felt like I needed more and had some 90% cacao.  Oh boy.  Not horrible decisions, it's just that I could tell, I knew it was directly related to how I was feeling, not about being hungry.  In fact I felt the opposite of hungry when I came home.  Oh well.  I definitely feel like I need exercise that is more intense than my Tae Kwon Do.  I'm really sad about that.  I love the sport, but I think the dojang I'm at isn't competitive enough and doesn't workout hard enough.  I leave feeling tired... but only a little.  Just going to enjoy the rest of my wait until my vacay, do a shit-ton of work at work and get the house ready for Nathan's mom.  She's coming on November 3.  Hope you all ate better than I did and had a more intense workout than I did.  G'night!

Trial and Error

Yesterday I had a super long day.  I didn't have much time to stop and eat.  I ate with the kids in the office during their lunch time.  Then I raced over to my other school and had a couple of meetings until 4:30.  They were the kind of energy draining meetings that make me not want to work out.  Luckily Jak was at the last meeting and when I said I didn't feel like going to Tae Kwon Do she suggested walking the Lanikai Loop.  I agreed.  So I got home, had some almonds and raisins, changed and we walked the loop.  It was an okay workout, got the blood flowing, but I was just still exhausted when I got home.  I made dinner and for some reason dreamt about the chips in the fridge.  I kept feeling like I couldn't have any and it made me want them more.  Then I remembered that this challenge isn't about being super strict, it's about discovering how to make it a lifestyle.  So I stopped and thought to myself if I really wanted the chips.  I decided I did.  I had 4 chips and walked the dogs.  I really took notice of the taste of the chips and as usual, it wasn't as good as I imagined in my head.  So I stopped eating them.  They didn't really do it for me.  I think part of my problem, when super strict is that the imagined "unhealthy" food takes on this magical delicious taste and texture in my mind.  I keep thinking how wonderful it would be if I could just have a bite...   Well, mostly I know that's not true.  And when I'm not super tired I don't bother.  I have other delicious things to eat.  But when tired or under the weather, I may need to change tactics if the fantasy grows wildly.  I may need to stop and think whether or not I need to have some to stop the madness.  Last night it worked.  Monday it mostly worked, but I wasn't prepared.  I did not let the eating spiral out of control, however.  It's not that I think you shouldn't eat any snacks or carbs at all.  I know that for me, it's like crack-cocaine and I can get out of control.  I am retraining my brain to enjoy a smaller amount, in moderation.  Mostly I go without, but a planned snack is okay.

Also, I'm still deciding whether I should have a glass or two of wine tomorrow at Hallowine.  I may have a glass of wine, or my other options would be drink water all night, maybe in a fancy glass, or to have a drink like a gin and tonic.  I don't even know if that last will be available though.  What are your thoughts?  Continue to work this challenge to be about moderation?  I don't know.  I kind of like how I feel after not drinking.  Maybe I should wait until tomorrow to see how I'm feeling.  If I'm tired and stressed out I might not be able to handle just having one or two glasses, I might go totally overboard.

Day 11 of Challenge

Well, the magical quality of my challenge is long past.  The first couple of days there is usually that psyched up feeling of yeah, I'm doing something awesome!  Then there's the next couple of days where your body changes if your challenge involves any big difference in health or diet.  Then the plateau comes.  I have hit that point.  The other day I couldn't help myself and had a taste of this cake from Costco.  That was the only time I've broken form in the past 11 days.  Otherwise, I've been doing really great.  Now it's just same old, same old.  The magic is gone.  At least I don't have dreams about eating cake or cookies or milk like I used to back in January.  That was rough!  Anyone who did the original Whole 30 challenge with me in January can attest to how horrible those dreams are.  The guilt!  I don't have that anymore.  I know that if I eat something like that my life will not end.
This latest challenge, I have discovered over the last few days, is not actually about eating 100% paleo or strict anything.  It is a way for me to learn how to eat healthy and remain that way at a stable pace.  This past year I have gone from strict paleo and skinny to alcoholic binge cake eater and 140, and up and down, and up and down... and now I'm trying to even it out.  I want to learn how to eat awesome and not be an asshole.  That means that sometimes your office will have something like Boss' Day, spend a lot of money on a cake, and be offended if you don't eat some.  Usually that would result in me being an asshole and refusing any, or having a small piece, and then a bigger piece, and then a BIGGER piece and then go home and drink and snack because, what the hell, I ate bad all day anyway, didn't I?  On Monday I had a small piece of cake.  It stared at me for the rest of the day because we had a meeting in the room with the cake.  Then I had another small taste, and then... I stopped.  I went home and ate some almonds and raisins.  I made my planned steak and salad dinner.  I didn't raid the fridge for dessert, although I have some 86% chocolate in the freezer for those times that I'm feeling a little desperate.  I have maintained and I think that lesson is even more important for me this time around then losing a lot of weight because I'm eating better.  I don't want to be the yo-yo dieter.  I want to always eat awesome.  But I want to be able to have a gin and tonic or a glass of wine.  Can I have both?  I think it's probably possible.
The other thing I've noticed over the course of this challenge is that, unfortunately, it's looking like Tae Kwon Do is not enough exercise for me.  Last night I had what used to be an intense workout for me and today I'm not tired or even slightly sore.  I'm no masochist, I don't enjoy the pain post-workout, but let's be honest, I don't want to be semi-in shape.  I want to be really in shape.  I'm thinking that I am going to test for my orange belt in November, maybe test for my green belt in January.  By that time I'll definitely be done.  I might not even continue after my orange belt.  I may switch to cross fit.  I don't really want to be that guy that changes sports like they change their underwear, but the truth is I need to find the right sport that meets my standards.  It needs to be a hard, challenging workout.  It needs to keep me entertained (nothing really repetitive or boring).  I need to have some friends with me.  And I need someone (a coach) to tell me what to do.  So far I haven't found any sport that has met those standards.  I would love it if my friends wanted to do volleyball or Tae Kwon Do, or Kickboxing, but they don't.  I love Tae Kwon Do in general, but it's often not challenging enough for me and they don't compete.  Which is good, cause I don't want to get punched in the head, but at the same time, I need something to push me forward.

I am Freaking Awesome

From picturesof.net

I got home from work yesterday and I was so exhausted that all I wanted to do was take a nap.  I still made a burger and fries for Nathan and a burger- no bun with pickle and onions for myself.  I opted not to go to Tae Kwon Do.  I hate doing that.  It's only twice a week, but I was really, really tired.  I watched TV, snacked on some sunflower seeds and dried prunes (seriously, don't knock it til you've tried it), drank a lot of water and went to bed early.  This morning I slept in a little later than normal and took my time getting ready for the day.  I took a few sick hours so I can pull myself together and be ready for the three back to back meetings I have in a little bit.  What a good idea.  I'm a genius.  I had my cup of coffee and my eggs with sausage and now I'm feeling really good.  I could have done what most people do- suck it up and go to TKD and go to work on time instead of taking care of themselves.  I could have gone to TKD and been really off.  I could have gone to work on time, but I wouldn't have felt like talking to anybody or been able to concentrate on paperwork.  I was really tired.  But now I'm getting ready to go and I'm feeling energized.  The people that I meet with later are going to get way more energy, motivation and effective feedback from me because I took a little time for myself.  Our world is a little backwards when it comes to the job force.  We are encouraged to watch the clock, punch in and out at exact times, we are not given reinforcement for doing a good job.  I certainly don't get any incentives for any of the awesome stuff I do.  I've decided over the past year that it's my life and I am going to steer it in the direction I want it to go.  If for some ungodly reason I got let go for taking sick hours for self-care instead of being vomitous or snotty, then they will just be kicking themselves in the asses again anyway.  Cause I do a good job.  And when I take care of myself, I do a better job.  Anyway, just another aspect of health that sometimes we forget about.  Exercise is important.  Eating healthy is important.  Taking care of yourself mentally is also very, very important.
Oh, and I lost another pound, even though I didn't go to my hard core exercise class last night.

Da Da Duh! It has begun!

From laxcrossfit.com

Hello all, today begins my 30 day paleo/primal challenge.  I did one serious paleo challenge in January and I never felt better.  I hesitate to call it a "diet" although that technically is what it is.  However, it is simply a direction for you to turn to eat healthy.  There are no gimmicks involved like, drink this or take that and you'll drop weight.  You don't count calories, you don't starve yourself.  You don't over eat one food type.  It is a kind of healthy eating that for the most part makes complete and total common sense.  Main goal of paleo- eat lots of veggies, meats, nuts and fruits.  Don't eat processed food or sugar.  The part that is hard for people is the dairy, the legumes, the grains and the soy.  Well, and alcohol, but as much as we all love alcohol, it does make complete and total sense that not drinking will help you lose weight.  I think for me, this healthy way of eating rocks because: I love meat, I love vegetables, I love nuts, I love fruit.  I love cooking for myself, so the processed thing isn't hard.  Difficult for me: finding condiments with no added sugar.  It is fucking ridiculous what things have added sugar in them.  Like I said, I love cooking, but do I really want to have to make any sauce I add?  NO.  But there are very limited options.  Even bacon, people.  Bacon has sugar.  The grains part of the challenge is the hardest part.  Not because I can't cook without adding grains and that my meals aren't absolutely fantastic without grains, but because I really love bread.  It's the yeasty smell and the texture.  Bread has brought me down again and again this year when I'm not on a strict challenge.  The alcohol and ice cream were hard for me a couple of times, but it truly is the bread.
The breakdown in healthy eating usually goes like this for me: I have a glass of wine/beer/gin and tonic.  I drink too much of it.  I feel like a need a  piece of toast (which my brain is convinced in it's alcohol addled state is the only thing that will make my stomach feel better).  I realize I have eaten what I know to be food that makes me feel bad.  I think to myself, well I'm already going to feel like shit tomorrow, I might as well have some ice cream.  With chocolate syrup on top.  And a cookie.  And a chocolate bar.  Seriously, this is a story I've lived through many times before.  So, I'm going full strict paleo again this month.

This morning for breakfast I had 3 eggs with some coconut cream and salsa.  Delicious.  I have been drinking my coffee black since January and surprisingly, I love it that way.  Later today I'm gonna have some london broil stir fried with veggies, no need for rice or noodles.  I have almonds, baby carrots and pickled cucumbers on hand for snacking.  I am not sure what lunch will be yet, but it will either be tuna or roast beef from the deli.  I love adding salsa, coconut milk, coconut cream or eggs to everything.

The best part about this diet for me?  It truly feels like how I am meant to eat.  I feel like I am feeding myself well.  I don't feel hungry often and when I do, I just eat.  There will be times that I am busy at work and I don't get a chance to sit down for lunch and I work straight through without snacks or anything.  And I don't get that sick, low blood sugar feeling.  At some point I just start feeling hungry and I'm like, oh yeah, I should eat and I do.  I don't feel like I am starving or over full.  I don't feel deprived of all of those things that are off the list.  When you read the research- and I'll link to a few sites at the bottom where you can- it makes me feel like I'm treating my body with respect and fueling up for whatever crazy adventure is in store for me in the future.

Feel free to join me, you don't have to go paleo, although I do highly recommend it.  But there are people who do really well eating rice and gluten-free or eating oatmeal and soy.  If you are that type of person and want to join me doing a 30 day challenge of whatever healthy eating means for you, do it!  Comment here!

Links for paleo/primal that I love:
Mark Sisson- marksdailyapple.com
Robb Wolf- robbwolf.com
The Whole30, Version 4.0- http://whole9life.com/2011/06/whole-30-v4/

If I forgot any, please comment and leave the sites below.






Yikes! I posted this and realized that I'm totally going to have to do before and after pictures.  Maybe just of my belly.  I'll put the pics up later.

Being a good girl

So proud of myself.  Last night was Ananda's birthday celebration at a local restaurant.  I did not have any wine, fondue, fried calamari, or dipping sauce.  I didn't want to be an asshole, it was a birthday celebration after all, so I ordered a gin and tonic, nursed it all night and pounded water.  I had some of their sweet potato fries without their dipping sauce.  I had a very small taste of the Tiramisu they gave Ananda for her birthday and tasted the chocolate cake that Nathan got for himself.  A very small taste on the end of my spoon.  The smartest thing I did was fill myself up with the meatballs and sauce I made before we left.  I ate more than I normally would.  The smart thing about that was that I was already over full with good food and only had one or two bites to taste, I wasn't hungry or even very tempted.  It also helped that I finished my workout an hour and a half before getting there.  I'm never really hungry after a workout.
The best part about it all is how freaking good I feel this morning.  Not the way I usually feel after spending a fun night with the group.  And I had a fantastic time!  I didn't have less fun because I wasn't drinking or snacking.  I had a blast!  And I didn't feel like I was getting drowsy when it was time to leave.  I was tired, but it was a good, it's time to go to bed soon because it's late feeling, not a holy balls I'm drunk and need to lay down feeling.  I also didn't come home and snack on every unhealthy food I could find.  I just had some more water and went to bed.  Awesome night.