Why Knee Pain was Such a Blessing

Knee Brace like mine

I am a self-help book, life coach fanatic.  I listen to and read Martha Beck, Tony Robbins, Deepak Chopra, Iyanla Vanzant, and Mark Sisson (although he wouldn't call himself a life coach) to name just a few.  I've come to learn a very important lesson.  Listen to your body.  Today I was listening to Martha Beck's Follow Your North Star, and a lesson that jumped out at me (among many others) was that your body is the best tool you have to tell you whether or not you're on the right track.  You always have it with you and it gives you such detailed information if you listen to it.  And although feeling ill or in pain might not feel like a blessing, your body is trying to tell you something.  And if you listen, your life might change for the better.  I had an "Ah ha" moment when she discussing this.  For some reason recently my knee has been giving me slight twinges of pain.  It's okay because I know that my poor choices in diet, although they are getting better are bringing on some old pain from an injury a few years ago.  So when I was listening to the audio book, the knee twinge was happening and it brought me back to when I hurt it.  I ran two half-marathons in my life.  The first was with Myia, and since paddling was getting super competitive we decided to make running our major choice of exercise.  We did a great job of slowly building up to higher mileage and I think 10 miles was my longest before the half-marathon.  Those runs felt amazing, I always felt super energized afterwards and my body felt great.  I was also skinny and not having any knee pain at that point in my life.  My plantar fasciitis was also in remission at this point.  I ran the half-marathon, but I think I started off too fast, probably it was the excitement of the crowd of people and it being a race.  So I think I ran the first half and started to walk and then did a walk/jog to the end.  Not too bad.
The next year (or the year after?) Ananda and I did the half-marathon, same course in Kailua.  This time I had run a few times, but definitely didn't train like I had for the first one.  I hadn't felt like it.  I was still paddling, so I was exercising, getting in good cardio, just not running.  That year the half-marathon felt great! I obviously didn't win it or come anywhere near the top 25% of runners, but I ran the whole thing at a reasonable pace.  Of course at about mile 10 my knee started to hurt and I "ran through it" like us athletes are wont to do.  Needless to say, my knee never fully recovered.  A combination of not running enough and not stretching enough (try ever) really put stress on my knee.  I would start running again to get back into shape then every time my knee would hurt I would stop again.  I started to regain weight.  I went to a podiatrist who had no concept of sports injuries and told me I would never run again.  So I didn't for a good 6 months.  I rested, I swam and hiked some, I wore a knee brace and I searched the internet.  I finally figured out that I had a common injury among runners that we get when we overtrain with running.  Our muscles in the legs get super tight and if we don't stretch them out enough (or at all) it ultimately pulls at the tendon's hold on our knee.  Now I know about it, but it never totally goes away.
So why is this a blessing?  I would have told you to shut the hell up if you had told me it was a blessing in disguise or some such nonsense at the time.  I might have used some expletives and most likely would have flipped you the bird.  Today though I realized that it ultimately has changed how I exercise.  And how EFFICIENT at exercising I have become.  The first exercise I got into that didn't hurt my knee was kickboxing with Master Smith at Smith Taekwondo in Kaneohe.  That was freaking awesome!  Those workouts were some of the best in my life!  I tried to get all of my friends and my mom to try it out.  I was in super good shape, muscular but not bulky and so strong!  And I only went twice a week.  2 hours a week and I was super fit!  The only problem and ultimately why I changed sports is that I didn't actually want to get in the ring with people and fight.  I had absolutely no desire for it, I only wanted to workout for fun, but I felt like I was being steered in that direction.  Next I tried Taekwondo at the YMCA.  That was super fun, but it wasn't competitive enough.  I started to not look forward to going to the workouts and started to gain weight.  It wasn't as efficient.  I went to two 2 hour classes, but I didn't get as much out of it.  I got my orange belt and quit.  But I was on the right track.  Right now I'm doing Crossfit.  I'm not married to it, but it's hitting me on all levels of motivation, efficiency and fun!
If I hadn't hurt my knee I would have continued to depend on running as my main source of exercise.  It kept me skinny basically and gave me enough of a cardio workout, but it took so much time!  I felt like I had to run all the time to stay in shape.  And my knee wouldn't allow me to do that anymore.  My knee being hurt led me to figure out how to gain the most benefits from exercise without working out forever.  It also led me to Mark Sisson's Primal Blueprint and his theories on how much you need to exercise.  I don't follow anyone on faith alone, I have experimented and have found that it's true.  Lift Heavy Things twice a week, Sprint once a week and as much as possible throughout the week, Move Slowly.  Also throw in Play whenever possible.  So much more fun and I spend way less time "working out" then I ever did.  I feel like I'm having a good time.  Even if I'm not looking forward to Crossfit cause I'm tired or cranky or it's early in the morning it's such a short workout that I can just tell myself to get it over with.  (Afterwords I'm always in a good mood and energetic, but it gets me going to look at how short the workout is.)
Conclusion:  My knee told me I was doing the wrong thing for my body.  I was overusing one form of movement.  I needed to find more efficient exercises.  It led me to less time working out and more time having fun.  (It now also tells me "no seriously, cut the grains out of your diet")

What is your body telling you?  Will you listen with patience and love instead of judgment?  Could be the best thing you ever do for yourself.

So back on track

My Muscles are Gonna Be Huge

Thank God for the paleo challenge I'm doing again.  And thank God Keysa is doing it with me.  I was just reading through my blog posts from 2011.  I was doing fantastic at the beginning of the year, and stayed on track until about July.  Then I started to really veer off of the healthy eating.  I wonder if it is because Tae Kwon Do was not challenging enough.  Either way I gained weight, and then started eating horribly, starting with the HalloWine at the YMCA.  Then straight through December and the end of 2011.  It's pretty awesome how quickly it happens.  2012 has again been a great start.  Crossfit has been fun, although some of the Group Elements classes have been extraordinarily boring.  I think I've mentioned that before.  It's cool though, because now we know what the hell they're talking about when they set forth the workout and I don't feel like a complete idiot.  The other day we did Cindy, I did 13 rounds.  I had a lot of modifications, but I'm okay with it.  I know that TKD allowed me to get really weak.  It's no excuse, I'm just not the type to keep up with workouts on my own.  If we didn't do pushups or cardio during a class, I certainly wasn't going to do it on my own.  So my Cindy was pretty weak, but I have something to work towards now.  At some point I'd like to be able to do a straight dead hang pullup.  Maybe even a few in a row!  I want to be strong like I used to be.  It would be a lot of fun to be able to pull myself up the pullup cage or up the rings ropes or up the regular old ropes and just fucking climb all around.  That's right, like a freaking monkey.  That's my goal for the next few months.  Sweet abs would be great while I'm at it, but being able to climb like a monkey is a-number-one priority.

Not Like This One

Like This Monkey

Busy or Tired

Recently I've been pretty busy and in my down time I've been extremely tired.  Like right now.  Droopy eyelids.  On Tuesday I really didn't want to go to TKD class.  I was just so exhausted.  I went anyway, and it wasn't the pick me up that exercise usually is when I'm tired.  This feels different.  Tonight I have TKD again and I just don't feel like going again.  I only have 3 more classes left, so I should go.  I would rather take a nap.

Back to Work

This week I haven't felt too much like blogging.  I had a great week last week and an awesome weekend and then Monday it was back to work.  Bleh.  I love seeing the kids and the people I work with are a lot of fun, but there is just so much about the job that I'm not a fan of.  Anything paperwork or planning or data collection related and my eyes just roll to the back of my head.  It's not too hard, it's not over my head, it's just boring.  Some people love data.  I want to cock punch those people.  Not really, I'm not mean.  But I am absolutely positive that when I have my private practice I am going to hire someone to do some of that stuff.  I will have a secretary adm. assistant someday.  The thought gets me through a lot of days.  That person will organize my files, take down dictation, and maybe do some of my scheduling.  I will meet with clients and do the thinking.
Other than work I went to Tae Kwon Do on Tuesday and tonight.  I felt myself not wanting to be there.  I can just tell that I'm ready for some changes.  The job is not going to change right away, but the exercise is.  I signed the paperwork to cancel my YMCA membership tonight.  It will now expire on the 14th, I will have to be responsible for my own exercising until the New Year and then I am joining Crossfit Kailua.  TKD was awesome for 6 months.  I might go back to it, it will be the same curriculum, but I need a change.  I hate it when exercise feels like a chore, because I know it doesn't have to.  I know that when I am doing the right sport/exercises I wake up looking forward to my workout for the day.  I look forward to learning better technique and working myself to the point of exhaustion.  TKD is not feeling like that for me right now.  I am trying to get over the feeling of guilt I have for switching again, but just because other people stick to an exercise forever doesn't mean that's what I am supposed to do.  If I died next week I'd be pissed that I didn't follow my intuition and switch to something more meaningful.  So here I go, changing it up.
On another note, today is December 1st.  It's time for me to declare my Pre-New Year's Resolution.  I always have a health/fitness goal, but this year I want to add on a spiritual one.  Here goes:
Health and fitness:  From now until New Year's I will eat my own version of modified paleo.  Which is basically paleo without being an asshole and also eating cheese and yogurt.  I am not going to set a weight loss goal, I just want my pants to fit better and to feel less bloated as the New Year rolls in.
Spiritual:  This next year I really want to pay more attention to my intuition.  I'm not going to explain why right now, let's just say I've done a lot of research and I think it's important.  So to prepare for the New Year, my Pre-New Year Resolution will be that every day until the New Year I am going to journal for at least 5 minutes every day.  Nothing special or spectacular, just my thoughts.  If things go right I will be waking up early and journaling before I start my day, but even a few quick lines before I fall asleep would suffice.  I am going to go buy a nice book tomorrow to write in.  Yes, I have composition books that I could use, but I feel like this is something more special.  I've been listening to Deepak Chopra recently and he's got me excited about spirituality.  Go figure.
So those are my resolutions and plans for the New Year, what are yours?  Feel free to leave me some answers in the comment section!

Anna's in Hawaii!

Pre-Thanksgiving on Hammock

This past Monday Anna and I were driven to the airport in a fancy schmancy car at 5am.  Her plane left at 7:30am and I slept in the airport until my plane left at 11:30am.  It wasn't so bad.  I also got a tuna melt and a coffee in the airport.  Yummy.  The flight wasn't horrible, I watched a few movies and napped a little.  When I landed I had to stay awake to go pick Anna up at 10:30pm Hawaii time.  I was so exhausted.  I got a little sick and just felt like sleeping for the next couple of days.

Jak and Ananda with Cake

We cruised around to Ben Franklin, hiked the Pillboxes, grocery shopped and prepared for Thanksgiving.

Anna's new Bike, Carmen

Thanksgiving was nice and relaxed.  I made some stuffing and spaghetti squash.  We went to Joanna and Jeff's and surprised Jak with a cake for her birthday.  We talked story with the ladies, then we headed over to Bobby and Corey's place for some more turkey.  Corey prepared a huge spread of food including a stuffed turkey and a huge ham, mashed potatoes, gravy and cranberry sauce.  Good thing we went since we were the only ones who showed up to eat all that food.  Anna and I stuffed ourselves, then Anna passed out on the couch.  We got mad leftovers to take home.
I tried to go into work on Friday, but the office was closed and I headed home to do a bit of paperwork.  When I did all I thought I needed to, Anna and I went out and she bought herself a bike.  It's really great, it's purple and she got a basket put on the front and fenders were ordered to be put on on Monday.  We grabbed some applications from a few bars on the way home.

Hamama Falls

Saturday morning we hiked Hamama Falls with Theresa, Joanna, Jak, Keysa and Ananda, and the doggies.  It was the perfect length of hike.  Tiring, but we still had energy for more activities later.  Anna and I headed to the beach in the afternoon.  It was super windy, so we hunkered down and watched the kite surfers.  Then we rode into town so Anna could grab a surf board she found on Craigs List.

Ze Beach is Zat Way!

Sunday we hiked the Koko Head stairs and then headed to the Verizon store to see if we could get Anna on her own phone plan.  She decided against it for the moment since it's pretty expensive with all the texting she does.  We got some yogurt from Yogurtland (delicious!!!) and headed back home.  We were going to head to the beach again since all the ladies and Jeff were headed that way, but we got caught in traffic.  When we got closer we realized it was due to some brush fires that were ignited all along the road side.  We had a whole bunch of ash blow straight at us in a quick windstorm.  Awesome!

Looking for Recyclables

Instead of the beach Anna decided to ride around town on her bike and check out the local stores.  I stayed home and did very little.  I think I had some wine and thought about taking a nap.  Then Joanna texted that they were at a coffee house in town and I met them over there.  It's one of my new favorite stores I've decided.  It had a whole bunch of locally handmade goods for sale and was comfortable, warm and the tea latte I had was delicious.

Waah!

I finally went back to work yesterday for a full day.  It was good, but I was a little bored.  Not that I didn't have plenty to do, I just didn't want to do it.  I had the same problem today.  I did a lot of work, but my heart wasn't really in it.  It was hard to get back to the same ol', same ol.  We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Smoke from Brushfire

Tonight is Tae Kwon Do, and hopefully it doesn't kick my ass too badly.  I am out of practice and out of shape.  I did go to the grocery store today to pick up healthier food so I am not picking on all of the chips and bread available to me in my refrigerator.  I have plenty of other options now.  No excuses!
It's going to be time to start my pre-New Year's Resolution!  I need to figure it out by Thursday.  Hope everyone else is ready with theirs, too.

Two Days of Horrible Choices...

From Gokill.com

... And I liked it.  It tasted really good.  Halloween wasn't necessarily the problem.  It was the cookies that were on sale because they were orange Halloween cookies.  They hit my weak spot.  I ate almost a whole container of them.  That's a lot of calories.  Not that I'm counting calories these days, but dayum.  Then I spiraled and ate shit tons of the candy we bought just in case we had a trick or treater.  We didn't.  But we still have candy.  It's a good thing.  I wanted to eat it all.  I get this obsessive need to continue to eat.  I think it's the crack, er, I mean sugar in them.  There were chocolate chips and peanut butter... oh my god, I'm kind of drooling now.  Anyway, I spiraled int over eating and like a true addict I haven't written on my blog because I wanted to be alone with my guilt.  If I wrote about it, I'd have to stop and I didn't want to.  I wanted to stuff my gullet with sugar.  I had an amazing sugar hangover the next morning, which led to my addict thinking- maybe some bread and sugar, or maybe some wine will make me feel better.  Hmmm, I've never tried that before.  Lo and behold, no, more sugar and bread and wine did not make me feel better.  It truly makes me wonder what's in those god damn things.  I am a rational human being.  I make good decisions about my health.  I work out, I eat my vegetables, just like my mommy told me to.  So why is it that I turn into a crack fiend with just a sniff of peanut butter cookies?  Oh well, I'm human.  I'm fessing up to my weaknesses.  It's embarrassing, but true, my kryptonite is a dozen peanut butter cookies.
On another happier note, my Tae Kwon Do is moving smoothly and I will be testing for my orange belt tomorrow, woohoo!  They are letting me test early since I'll be on vacation on the regular testing date.  These guys really rock.  I did a pretest preparation yesterday, got some pointers and should pass with flying colors tomorrow.  I have a few things I have to memorize and I need to remember to do an elbow strike with all of my moves.  I've gotten lazy elbow.  I wish it didn't cost 105 bucks.  But that's martial arts.  It's the cost of the test, the belt and the videos for the next level.  The videos are a great investment.  Even if I don't continue with TKD, I'll always have the videos so I can review the moves.  And if I rejoin I can watch them to remember all my moves so I won't be totally embarrassed.  It was a great workout last night, my arms are still sore.  That's the kind of workout that I love.  I wish every TKD session was like that.  I would stay for sure.
I am going to go make dinner now, I think I can salvage the damage I did over the last couple of days.  I have lots of healthy food since we just got paid recently.  We have steak, broccoli, cauliflower, more beef, and lots of other stuff in the freezer.  I'll see if I can avoid the cookies.  Whatever is left is going to my school tomorrow, the office ladies can eat them.

Crossfit Makes Me Want to Barf, Or Maybe it's the Alcohol

Keysa and I hit up Crossfit Kailua again this morning.  I was worried it was going to be the same old workouts, but I was wrong.  Very wrong.  Luckily I think when the guy in charge sees people that have been there before he is going to mix it up a little.  That's good and bad news, because today we did Burpees, Thrusters and a run with the damn medicine ball.  They must do the run with the medicine ball to get you to not ever want to do an intro class again.  It's not the run itself or the weight, it's the size of the damn ball.  There is no comfortable way to hold it while you run.  So you shift it from side to side, put it over your head and on your shoulder... Hold it behind your back and two hand it in front of you, it's really just a mess.  I could barely do any thrusters and burpees, maybe cause I'm a wuss or maybe cause of the amount of nasty (delicious) food I ate last night.  Maybe both.  Before we started I had a stomach ache.  While we were exercising, I wanted to vomit.  Afterwards... yeah, still wanted to vomit.  But the thing that's cool is that you're in and out of your workout pretty quick, dead tired, you know you worked out, there is no question about that.  I'm sure it will make me better at Tae Kwon Do, unfortunately I can't afford both.  This is one of those times I really wish I was rich.
I ended up going to Crossfit on an empty stomach this morning, which was a good idea, cause I probably would have barfed.  For lunch I had some of my delicious slow cooked chicken stew.  I really need to practice getting the bones out of it though, cause I thought I did a good job, but I keep finding little pieces.  There's nothing grosser than chomping on a bone in your soup.  Also, today I added some Red Hot hot sauce and Primo Taglio Cheddar Cheese.  Quite delicious.
I also had a chance to Skype with my beautiful sisters, Anna and Arin and Arin's fiance Andrea.  And their dogs.  And took my dogs to the vet for their "pedicures" (read- nails trimmed and anal glands expressed) and bathed 'em.  Good day so far.

Stress is Strong!

I have been eating really well since the beginning of this challenge.  I've been mostly paleo with some tastes of things here and there to see how I handle it.  (Except for last weekends Hallowine, see the previous post for that story, LOL)  Wednesday night I came home and Nathan was upset about something and we had a small argument and MAN! stress drives me straight to the carbs.  Let's see, I want to remember correctly what I ended up eating.  I had already made a pork roast and small salt potatoes.  The potatoes were for Nathan and they were drowned in butter.  I had a few of those- maybe 3.  Then after dinner I had a slice of the leftover pizza from the weekend.  A thin crust meat lovers from pizza hut.  I saw myself spinning out of control and grabbed some raisins and walnuts and some chocolate.  It's hard to be totally honest about this, I keep wanting to make my eating habits sound better than they are.  Funny!

Anyway, my stomach is quite upset about Wednesdays shenanigans, still.  I feel bloated and gassy.  That's what I get.  Tonight I'm going dancing for Joanna's birthday.  It's a halloween bash through Arthur Murray.  Nathan's going to join me, so we're going to be late.  We're going to miss the pre-game cocktails, but that's okay because I really don't think I want to drink tonight.  I'm interested to know if Nathan's going to want to dance or not once we get there.  Hope so, that would be very cool.
I may try crossfit again in the morning.  I'm interested to know if their open house workout is always the same.  Or maybe yoga?  Don't know yet.  Last week I went to yoga and it was the one day that that particular instructor has ever cancelled.  Figures.  A sign?  Who knows....

Stress Eating

For some reason what I ate today for lunch made me feel really bloated around 5pm.  My stomach started to hurt, I could feel it pushing against my pants and it didn't feel better when I changed into stretchy pants upon reaching home.  I felt gassy.  Not sure what I ate that did that.  I didn't change my diet very much at all.  Then I got home and Nathan was mad at me for something, cause I was a bit of an idiot.  I lost a little control and had some potatoes with butter and a little of the brussel sprouts that I made for Nathan.  The only thing wrong with the sprouts was the processed butter sauce that it comes packaged with.  I made a delicious pork roast in the oven rubbed with salt and garlic powder.  So I ate two slices of that.  Then I still felt like I needed more and had some 90% cacao.  Oh boy.  Not horrible decisions, it's just that I could tell, I knew it was directly related to how I was feeling, not about being hungry.  In fact I felt the opposite of hungry when I came home.  Oh well.  I definitely feel like I need exercise that is more intense than my Tae Kwon Do.  I'm really sad about that.  I love the sport, but I think the dojang I'm at isn't competitive enough and doesn't workout hard enough.  I leave feeling tired... but only a little.  Just going to enjoy the rest of my wait until my vacay, do a shit-ton of work at work and get the house ready for Nathan's mom.  She's coming on November 3.  Hope you all ate better than I did and had a more intense workout than I did.  G'night!

Trial and Error

Yesterday I had a super long day.  I didn't have much time to stop and eat.  I ate with the kids in the office during their lunch time.  Then I raced over to my other school and had a couple of meetings until 4:30.  They were the kind of energy draining meetings that make me not want to work out.  Luckily Jak was at the last meeting and when I said I didn't feel like going to Tae Kwon Do she suggested walking the Lanikai Loop.  I agreed.  So I got home, had some almonds and raisins, changed and we walked the loop.  It was an okay workout, got the blood flowing, but I was just still exhausted when I got home.  I made dinner and for some reason dreamt about the chips in the fridge.  I kept feeling like I couldn't have any and it made me want them more.  Then I remembered that this challenge isn't about being super strict, it's about discovering how to make it a lifestyle.  So I stopped and thought to myself if I really wanted the chips.  I decided I did.  I had 4 chips and walked the dogs.  I really took notice of the taste of the chips and as usual, it wasn't as good as I imagined in my head.  So I stopped eating them.  They didn't really do it for me.  I think part of my problem, when super strict is that the imagined "unhealthy" food takes on this magical delicious taste and texture in my mind.  I keep thinking how wonderful it would be if I could just have a bite...   Well, mostly I know that's not true.  And when I'm not super tired I don't bother.  I have other delicious things to eat.  But when tired or under the weather, I may need to change tactics if the fantasy grows wildly.  I may need to stop and think whether or not I need to have some to stop the madness.  Last night it worked.  Monday it mostly worked, but I wasn't prepared.  I did not let the eating spiral out of control, however.  It's not that I think you shouldn't eat any snacks or carbs at all.  I know that for me, it's like crack-cocaine and I can get out of control.  I am retraining my brain to enjoy a smaller amount, in moderation.  Mostly I go without, but a planned snack is okay.

Also, I'm still deciding whether I should have a glass or two of wine tomorrow at Hallowine.  I may have a glass of wine, or my other options would be drink water all night, maybe in a fancy glass, or to have a drink like a gin and tonic.  I don't even know if that last will be available though.  What are your thoughts?  Continue to work this challenge to be about moderation?  I don't know.  I kind of like how I feel after not drinking.  Maybe I should wait until tomorrow to see how I'm feeling.  If I'm tired and stressed out I might not be able to handle just having one or two glasses, I might go totally overboard.

Day 11 of Challenge

Well, the magical quality of my challenge is long past.  The first couple of days there is usually that psyched up feeling of yeah, I'm doing something awesome!  Then there's the next couple of days where your body changes if your challenge involves any big difference in health or diet.  Then the plateau comes.  I have hit that point.  The other day I couldn't help myself and had a taste of this cake from Costco.  That was the only time I've broken form in the past 11 days.  Otherwise, I've been doing really great.  Now it's just same old, same old.  The magic is gone.  At least I don't have dreams about eating cake or cookies or milk like I used to back in January.  That was rough!  Anyone who did the original Whole 30 challenge with me in January can attest to how horrible those dreams are.  The guilt!  I don't have that anymore.  I know that if I eat something like that my life will not end.
This latest challenge, I have discovered over the last few days, is not actually about eating 100% paleo or strict anything.  It is a way for me to learn how to eat healthy and remain that way at a stable pace.  This past year I have gone from strict paleo and skinny to alcoholic binge cake eater and 140, and up and down, and up and down... and now I'm trying to even it out.  I want to learn how to eat awesome and not be an asshole.  That means that sometimes your office will have something like Boss' Day, spend a lot of money on a cake, and be offended if you don't eat some.  Usually that would result in me being an asshole and refusing any, or having a small piece, and then a bigger piece, and then a BIGGER piece and then go home and drink and snack because, what the hell, I ate bad all day anyway, didn't I?  On Monday I had a small piece of cake.  It stared at me for the rest of the day because we had a meeting in the room with the cake.  Then I had another small taste, and then... I stopped.  I went home and ate some almonds and raisins.  I made my planned steak and salad dinner.  I didn't raid the fridge for dessert, although I have some 86% chocolate in the freezer for those times that I'm feeling a little desperate.  I have maintained and I think that lesson is even more important for me this time around then losing a lot of weight because I'm eating better.  I don't want to be the yo-yo dieter.  I want to always eat awesome.  But I want to be able to have a gin and tonic or a glass of wine.  Can I have both?  I think it's probably possible.
The other thing I've noticed over the course of this challenge is that, unfortunately, it's looking like Tae Kwon Do is not enough exercise for me.  Last night I had what used to be an intense workout for me and today I'm not tired or even slightly sore.  I'm no masochist, I don't enjoy the pain post-workout, but let's be honest, I don't want to be semi-in shape.  I want to be really in shape.  I'm thinking that I am going to test for my orange belt in November, maybe test for my green belt in January.  By that time I'll definitely be done.  I might not even continue after my orange belt.  I may switch to cross fit.  I don't really want to be that guy that changes sports like they change their underwear, but the truth is I need to find the right sport that meets my standards.  It needs to be a hard, challenging workout.  It needs to keep me entertained (nothing really repetitive or boring).  I need to have some friends with me.  And I need someone (a coach) to tell me what to do.  So far I haven't found any sport that has met those standards.  I would love it if my friends wanted to do volleyball or Tae Kwon Do, or Kickboxing, but they don't.  I love Tae Kwon Do in general, but it's often not challenging enough for me and they don't compete.  Which is good, cause I don't want to get punched in the head, but at the same time, I need something to push me forward.

I am Freaking Awesome

From picturesof.net

I got home from work yesterday and I was so exhausted that all I wanted to do was take a nap.  I still made a burger and fries for Nathan and a burger- no bun with pickle and onions for myself.  I opted not to go to Tae Kwon Do.  I hate doing that.  It's only twice a week, but I was really, really tired.  I watched TV, snacked on some sunflower seeds and dried prunes (seriously, don't knock it til you've tried it), drank a lot of water and went to bed early.  This morning I slept in a little later than normal and took my time getting ready for the day.  I took a few sick hours so I can pull myself together and be ready for the three back to back meetings I have in a little bit.  What a good idea.  I'm a genius.  I had my cup of coffee and my eggs with sausage and now I'm feeling really good.  I could have done what most people do- suck it up and go to TKD and go to work on time instead of taking care of themselves.  I could have gone to TKD and been really off.  I could have gone to work on time, but I wouldn't have felt like talking to anybody or been able to concentrate on paperwork.  I was really tired.  But now I'm getting ready to go and I'm feeling energized.  The people that I meet with later are going to get way more energy, motivation and effective feedback from me because I took a little time for myself.  Our world is a little backwards when it comes to the job force.  We are encouraged to watch the clock, punch in and out at exact times, we are not given reinforcement for doing a good job.  I certainly don't get any incentives for any of the awesome stuff I do.  I've decided over the past year that it's my life and I am going to steer it in the direction I want it to go.  If for some ungodly reason I got let go for taking sick hours for self-care instead of being vomitous or snotty, then they will just be kicking themselves in the asses again anyway.  Cause I do a good job.  And when I take care of myself, I do a better job.  Anyway, just another aspect of health that sometimes we forget about.  Exercise is important.  Eating healthy is important.  Taking care of yourself mentally is also very, very important.
Oh, and I lost another pound, even though I didn't go to my hard core exercise class last night.

Emotional Eating

So this topic is not a new one.  Emotional eating.  How does it always sneak up and bite you in the ass right when you think you've got things under control?  It so easily hides itself under the guise of a delicious "cheat" from your usual healthy eating pattern and then oozes into a weekend binge of cookies, bread and beer.  I swear I was eating paleo 4 days ago.  Doing great.  Paleo, really briefly, is eating nuts, fruits, vegetables and meats.  No dairy, added sugar (or HFCS), grains, alcohol, soy, or beans (legumes).  This sounds strict, but is extremely satisfying and delicious.  I love to eat this way because I don't have energy highs and low crashes, I feel full and satisfied all day long, my skin looks better, and my workouts are stronger.  This is an aside, though, back to emotional eating.  Basically, I was eating really healthy a few days ago.  Then I wanted a beer.  I'm a lady who doesn't restrict herself for the sake of restriction.  My whole point of eating healthy is to be healthy.  So when a strong urge kicks in, I indulge.  I believe that you should eat healthy most of the time, but then when you really want that fudge brownie or Guinness, well, by all means, enjoy it.  Don't just enjoy it, savor it.  So I bought some beer.  But, oh, one beer is never enough.  One beer became beer and cookies.  Which became beer, cookies, and 2 more beers.  And then I felt awful the next day.  Welcome, emotional eating.  I think this is why sugar is so addictive.  You enjoy a beer or large portion of cake or cookies, or whatever and then feel like crap the next day for various reasons.  The actual physical effect is pretty strong for me, but there's also the guilt.  Oh, I fell off the wagon again.  I ate too much last night, I was doing so good!  And so on and so forth.  Which for some reason invariably leads to finishing off the six pack the next night.  Because you're not feeling good.  And you want to feel better.  And beer makes you feel better!  And so does chocolate ice cream!  And then the next day you feel like crap, and round and round we go.  Oy vey.  Can't a girl just enjoy a beer? 
Well, I am eating healthy again today and enduring all of the physical setbacks that come with eating crap for 4 days, the bloated belly, the gas (holy moly!) and the headache today when I didn't scarf down any carbs for breakfast.  At least I know now that these side effects are short-term.  I know that by tomorrow's evening workout I will begin to feel healthy again. 
A few things I am going to do to get myself back on track:
I am going to start up my food journal again, I find that when I start to go on a bender, it helps steer me back.  I'm not going to get a new one, I'm just going to pull out the old notebook that I used last time.  I am not going to use it to count calories though, I'm going to document what the feelings and thoughts are that are driving me to want to drink beer and eat high carb stuff. 
I am paying to start TKD officially tomorrow.  That should get me a book and then I can have a fitness goal to work towards.  I am going to work to test for the next belt as soon as I'm ready for it. 
I am going to plan my meals better this paycheck period than I did last time.  Last week was the end of the month and because I hadn't planned out my meals very well, it gave me an easy excuse to resort to what was already in the fridge.
I weighed myself this morning: 132.  That helps give me a goal to work towards.  With TKD I might be able to get down to a healthy 125.  If I feel like I have lost fat and have gained muscle and don't get below 127, I know that's fine too.  127 seems to be where my body rests these days.  I think 125 would be fun to work towards though, only because that would mean some really vigorous workouts in the next few weeks, and I love a vigorous workout.  Maybe I'll do some Insanity with my friends this week or next.