Wednesday, January 2, 2013

New Year's Health Goals

It's been a while since I've written on the Life, Health, and Food blog, since I've been on a bit of a spiritual hiatus.  I had completed a paleo challenge with the Crossfit Oahu team, this time called "Natural November."  I did great and once again was looking pretty fit at the end.  When the challenge was over I repeated my same cycle of eating massive amounts of "non-paleo" foods- especially anything with wheat and sugar (cookies, bread, crackers), alcohol and some fried foods.  I've gone through this many times and blogged about it before.  I have no definitive answers.  All I know is that every time I complete a challenge I "fall off the wagon" but every time it is not as destructive to my body.  Since I've been doing the spiritual thing I thought to myself that I would just ride this out and see what happened.  To just really go for it, to listen to my body and try to figure out what I really wanted and see what came out of that.  I didn't want to stop myself and promise that I would eat "better."  I wanted to wait for something to tell me it was time.  So for much of December I had strange combinations of Oreos, whipped cream and bacon for breakfast, if that's what I was craving.  If I felt like eating a "paleo" dinner, I would.  If I felt like potato chips for dinner, I'd go for it.  And if I wanted the entire bag of potato chips in one sitting, then I let go and ate them.  And for some reason, I never felt guilty.  The whole month of December I listened to my body.  I had a couple of evenings where I had some cravings and I walked to Safeway with the express purpose of finding what it was that would fill that craving.  I wandered all the aisles and I decided nothing was off limits.  Was it pickles? Was it cookies? Was it pretzels? Was it cookie dough? Anybody following me around would think I was crazy.  People go to the grocery store with lists!  I just wandered.  I'd pick something up and put it in my basket, but I might get to another aisle and decide that no, this chocolate bar would be better.  I stopped stuffing down the craving beast and let it out into the open.  I talked to it.  I listened.  Sometimes we had a miscommunication.  Turns out the cookie dough was not ever really the answer.  One time I picked just the right donut and enjoyed every single bite.  One evening it was pretzels and Guinness.  It was really fun to explore this feeling.  I've written a little about this before, too.  Do I want something crunchy?  Something sweet?  Something fatty or fried?  While I wandered around the store I had time to really pinpoint it.  As the end of December was nearing I began to have moments where I doubted myself.  I thought I would have to do another challenge or set some restrictive goals- goodbye bread and alcohol.  As I was washing dishes one day I thought, "Okay, tomorrow I will go back to eating healthy."  And it was strange.  I've gotten so used to questioning my thoughts and beliefs and this time, I didn't believe myself.  I was saying it, but it was untrue.  So I took it back.  I told myself I would not make a commitment or goal about restricting something from my diet until I could feel it was time.  A couple more times I had the thought that I was ready, but it wasn't true.  Then for some reason on December 18 in the bright and early pre-dawn hours I woke up and thought, "Okay, I'm ready."  And it was true.  It was a release.  I didn't have to stuff my face with sweets, but I didn't have to restrict myself completely anymore.  And still, I waited for the New Year to start eating better.  I wanted to make sure.  And for the rest of the month, I felt like I was saying goodbye.  Farewell, Guinness.  Farewell, wine.  Farewell, bagels.
For 2013, I'm not going to drink.  I am not completely restricting myself, if there is an important social gathering I'm not saying I'm "not allowed."  But I don't think I will.  I am also going to continue to listen to my body to tell me what I want to eat.  But it won't be the same things that I wanted before.  I am going to continue to ask myself if my next action will lead me to feeling one of my Core Desired Feelings: Powerful, Energized, Connected, Clear and Free.
As for fitness I have a few goals, they include being able to do 5 handstand pushups, being able to lift 65 pounds for my overhead squat.  To be able to do 5 muscle-ups, and increasing my mobility.  I would love to be able to do a split.  I'm so inflexible.
My other resolution for the year is that I intend to be more authentic every moment of every day.
What are your resolutions for this year?