Comfy Pants Challenge

On Facebook I'm starting a challenge to help get back in shape now that I have moved to North Carolina.  I've taken some time off and if you've followed my blog, I'm back to my original weight.  That would have scared me years ago, but now I know that bodies change, you gain and you lose and I know how to lose it in a healthy way.  The challenge is open to anyone, so if you'd like to join, let me know and I'll send you a link.  

My plan for this week is to incorporate more vegetables and fruit and quality meat into my day.  I will also do some sort of workout 3 times this week.  To make sure that happens, I have them scheduled into my calendar.  If I miss one for some reason I will reschedule it, not skip it.

My goal is to be able to fit comfortably back into my work clothes.  If I take this challenge seriously and don't fit into them at the end I will buy myself some bigger more comfortable ones.  However, I believe if I make some healthy habit changes I won't need to do that.  

Good luck to everyone who is participating!

May Updates

Sorry for the hiatus, I know you've all been dying to know what I've been up to lately.  ;)  I have mostly been blogging on my new site, Find Your Joy.  One of my New Year's Resolutions for this year was to work on my Spirituality and this new blog focuses much more on that.  I didn't mean to wait 5 months to update on my resolutions, but better late than never, I figure.

The big resolution that I have been working on, other than what is addressed in my other blog, is being less anal about my diet/nutrition.  I have not weighed myself since January.  I stopped using my weight to track how I felt about my body.  I decided that I would relax the rules on the paleo, eat what I felt my body wanted, and get more in tune with how my body feels, rather than how much it weighs or even how it looks. This has been an up and down journey.

Not weighing myself- turns out this is no big deal.  I never did throw my scale out, I have a feeling that as soon as I chuck it, I'm going to want to weigh myself and go buy myself a new one.  So it sits in the bathroom corner, forgotten.  There was a part of me that was afraid that if I didn't weigh myself constantly the weight would creep up and all of a sudden I would weigh 175 again.  The truth is, I can tell very easily, by looking at myself in the mirror and by guaging how my pants and shirts are feeling, how I am doing.  In the morning, I do a quick naked flex in the mirror (come on, don't lie to me, you know you do, too!) and check the size of my belly and arms, because these are the parts of my body that seem to get bigger first.  I make sure to admire what I'm seeing.  I don't focus on the negative.  I just check in.  It may sound silly to you, but I ask my body how it's doing, if there's anything it's trying to tell me.  If there's pain I check in with it, too.  I'm a lot more in tune with my body now than ever.

Relaxing the paleo rules- this one was harder.  I am very good when I have strict rules to follow.  Do eat this, don't eat that.  Takes a lot of the pressure off of deciding.  It's a yay or nay.  But with that comes the feeling of rebellion.  Sometimes you just want a little alcohol or a donut for Pete's sake.  And when I go strict Paleo, I don't allow myself to have it, and then when I'm "done" with my whole 30 or I relax a little I buy a 50 ct. of red velvet with cream cheese chips cookies and eat the whole thing in less than a week.  This has just not seemed to me to be the best way to go about things.  So in January, with the new year, I was motivated to eat well and I didn't do a challenge.  I just listened to my body.  It went extraordinarily well for about 2 months.  I prioritized the paleo foods, meat, veg, fruit, nuts, and then just checked in with myself before eating anything "non-paleo."  I would have a donut here or there, buying one from the grocery store, instead of a dozen.  I would enjoy it, then go on my merry way.  In March I began to notice that this was happening more and more often and in April I really started to go overboard and I actually got sick.  Not sick from the food directly, but my energy got lower, I wasn't sleeping as well, my mind was getting foggier, I was feeling more and more negative and then I literally got sick and caught the bug that was going around the school I work at.  And because my energy was low and my stress and negativity were high, I got really sick.  I took off almost a whole week of school, which is not usual for me.  I don't mind taking off when I get sick, but I usually heal up in a day and can get back to work.  This knocked me down.

And so I declared that May first I would begin to eat better again.  Again, I have decided that I am not going to do a "challenge."  I think nutritionally this has become a crutch for me and I am determined to be able to eat without stressing myself out about it.  Well, today is May 6.  I have been eating very well.  Last night, my husband brought home from the grocery store, two slices of Lilikoi cheese cake.  This is a most delicious dessert that we have had before.  I had a decision to make.  Do I want the cheese cake?  How do I want to handle this?  I decided to go for it.  I savored every mouth-watering bite.  I took my time.  It was scrumptious.  And my husband got to enjoy that I enjoyed the cake.  Today, I do not feel any worse for the wear.  I don't feel guilty.  I don't feel bloated.  I don't feel like I am going to rush to the grocery store for a 50 pack of cookies after work.  I planned ahead this weekend and got healthy food for the week, so my lunches are planned out for the week.  I just ate a pear.  The experiment continues to be a success, although it is seriously not easy to move from strict counting calories or restricting food to listening to your body.  I have a feeling that this is another one of those skills that will get easier over time.

I continue to focus on my Core Desired Feelings in every moment of every day.  Living authentically and making an effort to feel how I want to feel all the time, not just when I'm on vacation, has been splendid.  I highly suggest you decide to make that commitment to yourself, too.

How have you been doing in 2013?  Where are you in your New Year's goals?  Now is a good time to recommit.  Be sure to comment on your progress below!

New Year's Health Goals

It's been a while since I've written on the Life, Health, and Food blog, since I've been on a bit of a spiritual hiatus.  I had completed a paleo challenge with the Crossfit Oahu team, this time called "Natural November."  I did great and once again was looking pretty fit at the end.  When the challenge was over I repeated my same cycle of eating massive amounts of "non-paleo" foods- especially anything with wheat and sugar (cookies, bread, crackers), alcohol and some fried foods.  I've gone through this many times and blogged about it before.  I have no definitive answers.  All I know is that every time I complete a challenge I "fall off the wagon" but every time it is not as destructive to my body.  Since I've been doing the spiritual thing I thought to myself that I would just ride this out and see what happened.  To just really go for it, to listen to my body and try to figure out what I really wanted and see what came out of that.  I didn't want to stop myself and promise that I would eat "better."  I wanted to wait for something to tell me it was time.  So for much of December I had strange combinations of Oreos, whipped cream and bacon for breakfast, if that's what I was craving.  If I felt like eating a "paleo" dinner, I would.  If I felt like potato chips for dinner, I'd go for it.  And if I wanted the entire bag of potato chips in one sitting, then I let go and ate them.  And for some reason, I never felt guilty.  The whole month of December I listened to my body.  I had a couple of evenings where I had some cravings and I walked to Safeway with the express purpose of finding what it was that would fill that craving.  I wandered all the aisles and I decided nothing was off limits.  Was it pickles? Was it cookies? Was it pretzels? Was it cookie dough? Anybody following me around would think I was crazy.  People go to the grocery store with lists!  I just wandered.  I'd pick something up and put it in my basket, but I might get to another aisle and decide that no, this chocolate bar would be better.  I stopped stuffing down the craving beast and let it out into the open.  I talked to it.  I listened.  Sometimes we had a miscommunication.  Turns out the cookie dough was not ever really the answer.  One time I picked just the right donut and enjoyed every single bite.  One evening it was pretzels and Guinness.  It was really fun to explore this feeling.  I've written a little about this before, too.  Do I want something crunchy?  Something sweet?  Something fatty or fried?  While I wandered around the store I had time to really pinpoint it.  As the end of December was nearing I began to have moments where I doubted myself.  I thought I would have to do another challenge or set some restrictive goals- goodbye bread and alcohol.  As I was washing dishes one day I thought, "Okay, tomorrow I will go back to eating healthy."  And it was strange.  I've gotten so used to questioning my thoughts and beliefs and this time, I didn't believe myself.  I was saying it, but it was untrue.  So I took it back.  I told myself I would not make a commitment or goal about restricting something from my diet until I could feel it was time.  A couple more times I had the thought that I was ready, but it wasn't true.  Then for some reason on December 18 in the bright and early pre-dawn hours I woke up and thought, "Okay, I'm ready."  And it was true.  It was a release.  I didn't have to stuff my face with sweets, but I didn't have to restrict myself completely anymore.  And still, I waited for the New Year to start eating better.  I wanted to make sure.  And for the rest of the month, I felt like I was saying goodbye.  Farewell, Guinness.  Farewell, wine.  Farewell, bagels.
For 2013, I'm not going to drink.  I am not completely restricting myself, if there is an important social gathering I'm not saying I'm "not allowed."  But I don't think I will.  I am also going to continue to listen to my body to tell me what I want to eat.  But it won't be the same things that I wanted before.  I am going to continue to ask myself if my next action will lead me to feeling one of my Core Desired Feelings: Powerful, Energized, Connected, Clear and Free.
As for fitness I have a few goals, they include being able to do 5 handstand pushups, being able to lift 65 pounds for my overhead squat.  To be able to do 5 muscle-ups, and increasing my mobility.  I would love to be able to do a split.  I'm so inflexible.
My other resolution for the year is that I intend to be more authentic every moment of every day.
What are your resolutions for this year?

Update with Being Primal

Earlier this month I decided that I wanted to try Mark Sisson's Primal BluePrint. Paleo is just a guideline for what food is good for you and what foods to avoid. I love it and feel totally healthy, but feel like I am ready to graduate to a full body version of the concept. I have always been a fan of Mark's website, marksdailyapple.com. I read all of his blog posts. So I'm completely bought in to the theory of Primal Blueprint. I think it is an amazing way to look at health, nutrition, exercise, sleep, basically everything that can keep a person healthy and happy. The thing that really draws me to the PB is that it really speaks to my lazy, fun side. The side that doesn't want to exercise like a maniac and restrict what food I am "allowed" to eat. The part of me that knows that counting calories is stupid and short-term. (I'm not saying it doesn't work or that that hasn't helped some people. But don't you just know there's a better way?) So if you go to his website and look at the Definitive Guide to the Primal Blueprint, you'll see the basics.
1. Eat lots of animals, insects and plants- this is my favorite way to look at nutrition. Eat Real Food.
2. Move around a lot at a slow pace- walk around, use the stairs, take a stroll, walk your dog, do this every day.
3. Lift Heavy Things- the Primal Blueprint version of lifting weights, or doing body weight exercises. Mark has a great simple guide to exercises you can do with little to no equipment with modifications for all fitness levels. Super simple.
4. Run really fast every once in a while- this one has blown my mind! I always thought that I had to do cardio 3-5 times a week! And truthfully, when I wasn't eating paleo or primal I did have to run 3-5 times a week to maintain a healthy weight. Now that my eating has vastly improved (not the quantity, but the quality) my need to seek out the nearest treadmill is gone. Some sprints (running or biking or stairs) will suffice once or twice a week.
5. Get lots of sleep- The research is out there folks. You have to find the right amount of sleep for you. Some people need a lot of sleep, some people need less. But if your health is out of wack and you're convinced that you only need 3-5 hours of sleep a night, you may want to re-evaluate. Our body does so much restoration and healing while we sleep. It is the time that all of the damage you did to it all day finally has a chance to start being internally repaired. If you don't give your body the time it needs, you will never fully heal.
6. Play- Favorite Rule Ever! And who would believe that we would need someone to tell us to go have fun! But it's true, we spend so much time scheduling in "exercise" that moving around becomes such a drag, such a chore. Thankfully I have friends who are interested in play! Our hikes are never a simple walk in the woods, there is always socializing, laughter, and great use of imagination. We've played all kinds of sports together, from tennis to swimming to paddling to (hopefully soon!) racquetball. Don't argue with this! You need fun in your life!
7. Get some sunlight every day- This one is a bit counter intuitive to "modern science" in quotations because I think modern scientists have been led way off track with their research. I usually use Dr. Mercola as a reference first, since he doesn't seem to be biased by big businesses, the media or pharm companies. Anyway, sunlight has a lot of valuable properties. I think everyone has heard about Seasonal Affective Disorder at this point and some of that has to do with the lack of available sunlight. Just in case you don't actually go read the articles or resources, no one is advocating for getting out there and getting a sun burn. If you've gotten that red, you've had too much sun. But some sun is good. That golden tan from being in the (real) sun for a little bit every day is actually good for you.
  8. Avoid Trauma- this one is pretty common sense, but important. Don't dive into shallow water. Be aware of your surroundings. Don't exercise beyond what your body can handle. (Know the difference between good sore and hurt.)
9. Avoid Poisonous Things- This is the one I have most trouble with. Everyone's body is different and what we tolerate to what level is different. I hope you take the time to really figure out how well your body is tolerating grains, dairy, legumes, sugar and vegetable oils. Mine doesn't handle grains well at all (except for rice, that seems to be fine). I break out with acne with legumes, sugar and vegetable oils. When I eat anything with grains or sugary I also balloon up with both excess weight and bloating. I get gassy to the point that my stomach is painful and I have to wear loose pants that don't make the pain worse. Even though I know this, it has been difficult for me to say no to this stuff. First, because I used to love it and finding food to replace the emotional connection I have for those foods is tough. (Eating chips after a hard day at work, or ice cream for "treat.") Second, people tend to want you to eat these foods. I found that once I began to eliminate them from my diet totally, people began to push them on me like drug dealers. I am lucky that my husband and my closest friends don't do this. My husband still keeps them around the house, but won't try to tempt me with those foods anymore. Other people are a different story. I am tempted to tell everyone that I am diabetic or have Celiac Disease, but fuck that. I should be able to tell you, no, I don't eat wheat or sugar or whatever, and you should say, okay. It's okay to ask me why. But what irks me is when I tell people this and then they make an attempt to sell the food to me somehow. "But, it's so good!" "But this whole wheat is good for you!" "Come on, just have a bite!" It would be funny to see how badly people want you to eat these foods, if I wasn't already having a hard time saying no. Yes, I do want that cream filled donut, but it will make me gassy and bloated and therefore I am choosing not to eat it. Hard to fend people off when that donut is being waved under your nose. Anyway, like I said, here's where I have the most difficulty.
10. Use your mind- Good advice. I try to do this daily as some form of reading of a book or blog or word game.

If anyone wants to join me in my health quest, write me an email or drop a comment below. I'm not an expert, but I am a super cheerleader.

Treats in Moderation

Super Sweet!

Amazingly enough, I just had to go back and look to see how long it's been since the Paleo challenge ended.  Since May 15, I've been sticking to my Level 7 Paleo with the exception of being able to have 3 treats a week.  I was unsure of how this was going to go.  In my last post I mentioned that I didn't really feel like having any treats.  It's true.  The results I get from eating Paleo / primal style are insanely worthwhile.  I lost 20 pounds eating tons of good food.  I only workout twice a week most weeks.  Granted, Crossfit workouts are pretty intense, but talk about a sustainable lifestyle.  So do I really want to eat bread?  And then try to "run off all the excess calories?"  Do I really want to eat sugar?  The truth is, when I think for a second instead of just grabbing for something to eat, I really don't want or need it.  I had some dried pineapple the other day that I could have sworn had added sugar on it.  I triple checked the ingredients, it was from Whole Foods, who kindly make all of their ingredients very visible and public.  The truth was, I just have gotten used to the natural sweetness of fruit and the pineapple was very, very sweet on it's own.  (Brilliant aside, if there is ever a need for sweetening something like paleo bread or muffins or adding sweetness to a barbecue sauce, those dried pineapples are an amazing substitution, just chop into small pieces.)  I know there are people who will read this and shake their heads in sadness, because I am now "missing out" on some of the pleasures in life.  I used to be one of those people.  Amazingly, I have changed my palette to the point that some of the most simple fruits, meats, vegetables, and spices are those pleasures in life.  I get to eat amazing food all the time.  I don't have to save up my calories so that I can have a slice of cheesecake after dinner and then feel guilty about it or feel like I have to accomodate for it somehow.  I can just eat good food all day long.  Whole Foods moving in down the road has also given me a wide variety of dried fruit that doesn't have sugar added to it.  Pears, apples, pineapples, bananas, raisins, figs, dates, and my all time favorite Mexican Mango.  I could eat that all day long. (And even if I did, I wouldn't feel bad about it.)

Yum!!!

I'm not saying that I don't have to put any effort into staying thin and in shape.  That is what the media and "the man" would tell you is your ultimate goal.  Buy this, then you don't put in any effort!  It's easy!  Not true.  It's just that I enjoy the effort now.  I have figured out some way to cut corners to make paleo simpler, with less steps to cook stuff.  I have ADHD and need things to be simple, few ingredients and with little planning involved.  I need to have several standby recipes and stuff that I can go to when I have forgotten to pull something out of the freezer.  It takes getting used to, but there are items that I always get when I'm at the grocery store.  That way, I always have a backup plan.  For example, pureed pumpkin and coconut milk.  Two items you can buy canned, that last forever.  You can combine them when you're in a jam, with whatever other ingredients you happen to have in your fridge, maybe add a little curry powder or paste and wham!  Delicious soup!  I also always have eggs.  No matter what, I can always make eggs.  And you can do so many things with them that I never get bored.  One of the other items I always have is a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store.  Now, I know strict paleo/organic folks will tell me that there is most likely sugar somewhere in there and it is probably not pasture raised.  I know this.  In my life right now, this works and I feel healthy.  I have started a recipe book that will share some of my easy shortcuts.  I hope it is something that will encourage people who are interested in trying out paleo/primal, but are concerned about costs and the ability to cook.  Anyone who knows me well knows that if there is a shortcut that will make my life easier, but will not noticeably decrease the ultimate goal, then I will find it.  And I've found a lot of paleo shortcuts.

Treating Myself

Actually the point of this post was going to be that last week I did treat myself.  I thought about it all day, what treat was I going to buy?  I planned and thought about it and then when I was at the grocery store I wandered around all the aisles looking for a "treat."  I ended up buying a bottle of wine and a fage 2% yogurt with the honey thing on the side.  And then I enjoyed the hell out of it.  I slowly ate the yogurt and honey and licked off every drop that was left in the container.  Then I had a glass of wine.  It was pretty darn good.  And my stomach hurt in the morning.  Go figure.  Anyway, since then, I had some wine with a good friend, which is always worth it, really.  My stomach, again, felt nasty in the morning, but that was okay.  At the store today I bought some heavy organic half and half.  I plan to make it last.  I love my coffee black, but there's something about that half and half that turns it into something delightful.  I just have to remember to only add a little bit so my stomach doesn't have problems during the work day.  To bring it back to the point I was making in the beginning is that it makes me really savor some things I was taking for granted.  I don't have to eat this way, I choose to eat this way.  I choose to evaluate what goes into my body, the same way I would never put anything other than gas in my car.  I don't do the super expensive gas, but I certainly wouldn't ever put diesel fuel or apple juice in my Civic.  Same with me.  My beef is not always grass-fed, but it's never made by McDonald's anymore.

Social Food Offerings

This is a tricky one that I know we all struggle with.  You are doing amazing.  You've lost a few pounds, you've really stuck to eating healthy.  Then, maybe at work, or perhaps with friends there is a social gathering and food is involved.  There is no healthy option.  What do you do?

Today at both of my schools there was food offered.  In terms of local style Hawaiian offerings, it was all amazing looking and probably tasted fantastic.  However, most of it was grains or meat in a sugary sauce or breaded and deep fried.  I have nothing against other people eating these things.  They are pretty tasty.  I have decided that I don't want to eat these foods.  At one school, it was great.  After a few gatherings where I have explained to people what types of food I choose to eat, they get it.  They don't try to offer it to me anymore.  I feel respected that they don't think I'm weird or a jerk.  This is an amazing break through and has taken a lot of time.  At the other school where I haven't had the pleasure to be at as many food gatherings, I was offered a plate a bazillion times.  And I felt bad for not taking some.  Intellectually I know I shouldn't feel bad.  It was store bought food.  Everyone else who ate put in some money, and I didn't.  These people didn't cook the food.  And yet, I felt bad.  I felt a very strong urge to fill my plate with donuts and pasta and sugary stuff and to sit with it in front of me, just so people would feel like I was appreciative.  What is that about?  Why is it that I feel bad not eating the food that is there?  Why do we feel somehow slighted if we offer somebody food and they don't partake?  Why is it rude to refuse food, but not rude to try to guilt somebody into eating something we ALL KNOW is unhealthy for us.  Who among us does not know that sugar covered, deep fried pastries are not good for us?  Then why is it not rude to continue to try to talk somebody into eating it when they have politely declined it?  But it's sooo delicious!  How can you deny yourself!  I finally lied to everyone.  I already ate, and man, I am super full.  Yup, didn't realize there was going to be food here, so I ate a whole bunch of my own lunch that I packed myself.  Even then, knowing that I was super full and declined the food, there were still attempts to persuade me.  And I've been eating this way for so long that I actually didn't want the donut!  What if I was trying really hard and had just cut out sugar from my diet?  Holy sabotage, Bat Man!

I've found that the best way to combat this is to be prepared.  To always have food of some kind that you have packed for yourself.  If you can, bring it to the place where all other food is being eaten.  People are very uncomfortable when your hands are empty.  Oh, you poor thing, you'll starve to death while we enjoy these donuts!  But, if you have your own lunch or some kind of food in your hand, you are somehow given reprieve.  This relieves some of the pressure.  But you have to also be ready to just say no, and allow other people to deal with it how they want.  It is not your responsibility to explain your food choices to others.  What you eat, is actually, your business.  You are allowed to just say, no thankyou, and offer no further explanation.  I am getting better at this in life in general, although, obviously today I was guilted into lying instead.  But you are not mandated to explain yourself to anyone.  I hope that next time you are in a similar situation, and you will be, you will be able to politely decline and stick to it with no other explanation.  Sometimes it's nice when they want to hear about how you got to be as hot and svelte as you are.  Sometimes you just want to not eat a goddamn donut.  And that is okay.

Not healthy.  Just so you know.  Have one if you want.  Tell others to fuck off if you don't.

Back to Work

This week I haven't felt too much like blogging.  I had a great week last week and an awesome weekend and then Monday it was back to work.  Bleh.  I love seeing the kids and the people I work with are a lot of fun, but there is just so much about the job that I'm not a fan of.  Anything paperwork or planning or data collection related and my eyes just roll to the back of my head.  It's not too hard, it's not over my head, it's just boring.  Some people love data.  I want to cock punch those people.  Not really, I'm not mean.  But I am absolutely positive that when I have my private practice I am going to hire someone to do some of that stuff.  I will have a secretary adm. assistant someday.  The thought gets me through a lot of days.  That person will organize my files, take down dictation, and maybe do some of my scheduling.  I will meet with clients and do the thinking.
Other than work I went to Tae Kwon Do on Tuesday and tonight.  I felt myself not wanting to be there.  I can just tell that I'm ready for some changes.  The job is not going to change right away, but the exercise is.  I signed the paperwork to cancel my YMCA membership tonight.  It will now expire on the 14th, I will have to be responsible for my own exercising until the New Year and then I am joining Crossfit Kailua.  TKD was awesome for 6 months.  I might go back to it, it will be the same curriculum, but I need a change.  I hate it when exercise feels like a chore, because I know it doesn't have to.  I know that when I am doing the right sport/exercises I wake up looking forward to my workout for the day.  I look forward to learning better technique and working myself to the point of exhaustion.  TKD is not feeling like that for me right now.  I am trying to get over the feeling of guilt I have for switching again, but just because other people stick to an exercise forever doesn't mean that's what I am supposed to do.  If I died next week I'd be pissed that I didn't follow my intuition and switch to something more meaningful.  So here I go, changing it up.
On another note, today is December 1st.  It's time for me to declare my Pre-New Year's Resolution.  I always have a health/fitness goal, but this year I want to add on a spiritual one.  Here goes:
Health and fitness:  From now until New Year's I will eat my own version of modified paleo.  Which is basically paleo without being an asshole and also eating cheese and yogurt.  I am not going to set a weight loss goal, I just want my pants to fit better and to feel less bloated as the New Year rolls in.
Spiritual:  This next year I really want to pay more attention to my intuition.  I'm not going to explain why right now, let's just say I've done a lot of research and I think it's important.  So to prepare for the New Year, my Pre-New Year Resolution will be that every day until the New Year I am going to journal for at least 5 minutes every day.  Nothing special or spectacular, just my thoughts.  If things go right I will be waking up early and journaling before I start my day, but even a few quick lines before I fall asleep would suffice.  I am going to go buy a nice book tomorrow to write in.  Yes, I have composition books that I could use, but I feel like this is something more special.  I've been listening to Deepak Chopra recently and he's got me excited about spirituality.  Go figure.
So those are my resolutions and plans for the New Year, what are yours?  Feel free to leave me some answers in the comment section!

Eating Healthy is the First to Go

So I have been having a really hard time the past few days.  It doesn't matter that I'm going back East to have a fabulously fun time, it's always stressful to get ready for a long vacation.  Especially since Nathan isn't going with me.  I'm not packed yet.  I just bought dresses for the wedding.  I'm finishing my paperwork here at work and there is way more than I'd like to admit to get done here still.  When I get stressed I get hypersensitive.  So when my friends came to help me find dresses at Ross yesterday instead of being able to enjoy the time, although it did end up being quite fruitful, I was snippy and grumpy.  When I get stressed I want everyone to just go away so I can sit by myself and pull myself back together.  But I can't do that right now.  I left myself too much to do, and Nathan's mother is visiting from New York.  I may head off to the library or something before I head home so I can just have a moment or two of alone time.  I don't need much.  But I haven't been by myself in a while.  I need that.  Of course tomorrow evening I'm going to get plenty of alone time.  I'm going to be sitting by myself in the airport for two hours and then flying by myself for 11 more.  After that I'm not sure if I'm going to have any time to relax, I think pretty much from when I land I'm going to be all over the place, trying to fit a bazillion things into two weeks of vacation time.
I hate to admit it, but my eating has been shit.  I have been stuffing bread down my throat and drinking wine at night.  On Saturday we went to the Polynesian Cultural Center, which was pretty great.  The shows were good at each island "station" and then we did a buffet dinner and "Ha, Breath of Life" the show.  So in the morning I ate well, my eggs as usual, but then we got to PCC and the only semi-foodlike thing to eat was chili nachos or a chili hot dog.  So I just ate the chili hot dog and enjoyed it.  I also had some shave ice, which is a tooooon of sugar.  Then, of course, the buffet was painfully bad for me.  I did my best in the beginning to line my plate with the prime rib, the crab legs, the eggplant, the fish and chicken.  There were also lots of sauted vegetables.  The thing is that most of the meat was breaded and fried and the sauces were all full of sugar.  And that just sends me into a tailspin.  This ended with 2 slices of oreo cheesecake among other tasty desserts.  Keep in mind, the food was DELICIOUS.  Then yesterday, breakfast and lunch were good, but dinner was sloppy joes with this delicious bread from this fabulous bread store down the street.  How am I going to argue when someone else is cooking for me?  My motivation and self-control have been non-existent.  At least I went hiking yesterday.
Anyway, those are my complaints.  All in all, not so bad.  I've got a pretty great life.  It just sometimes feels overwhelming, even though eating a great deal of food is not really a problem in many people's books.  I am lucky and grateful that I have my mother-in-law out here buying us food and cooking for us.

The good news is I got two fabulous dresses, I've got a list here next to me of all the things I need to pack so when I go home it shouldn't take too long and my Ipod is full of good music and two audio books.  I don't know what movies are going to be happening on the plane, but hopefully I can sleep through them and be ready to rock and roll when I get to New Jersey Wednesday morning.  I will be in charge of making food for myself in the next few weeks and I am going to be very selective about what I buy.  Lots of bacon, hopefully.

Trial and Error

Yesterday I had a super long day.  I didn't have much time to stop and eat.  I ate with the kids in the office during their lunch time.  Then I raced over to my other school and had a couple of meetings until 4:30.  They were the kind of energy draining meetings that make me not want to work out.  Luckily Jak was at the last meeting and when I said I didn't feel like going to Tae Kwon Do she suggested walking the Lanikai Loop.  I agreed.  So I got home, had some almonds and raisins, changed and we walked the loop.  It was an okay workout, got the blood flowing, but I was just still exhausted when I got home.  I made dinner and for some reason dreamt about the chips in the fridge.  I kept feeling like I couldn't have any and it made me want them more.  Then I remembered that this challenge isn't about being super strict, it's about discovering how to make it a lifestyle.  So I stopped and thought to myself if I really wanted the chips.  I decided I did.  I had 4 chips and walked the dogs.  I really took notice of the taste of the chips and as usual, it wasn't as good as I imagined in my head.  So I stopped eating them.  They didn't really do it for me.  I think part of my problem, when super strict is that the imagined "unhealthy" food takes on this magical delicious taste and texture in my mind.  I keep thinking how wonderful it would be if I could just have a bite...   Well, mostly I know that's not true.  And when I'm not super tired I don't bother.  I have other delicious things to eat.  But when tired or under the weather, I may need to change tactics if the fantasy grows wildly.  I may need to stop and think whether or not I need to have some to stop the madness.  Last night it worked.  Monday it mostly worked, but I wasn't prepared.  I did not let the eating spiral out of control, however.  It's not that I think you shouldn't eat any snacks or carbs at all.  I know that for me, it's like crack-cocaine and I can get out of control.  I am retraining my brain to enjoy a smaller amount, in moderation.  Mostly I go without, but a planned snack is okay.

Also, I'm still deciding whether I should have a glass or two of wine tomorrow at Hallowine.  I may have a glass of wine, or my other options would be drink water all night, maybe in a fancy glass, or to have a drink like a gin and tonic.  I don't even know if that last will be available though.  What are your thoughts?  Continue to work this challenge to be about moderation?  I don't know.  I kind of like how I feel after not drinking.  Maybe I should wait until tomorrow to see how I'm feeling.  If I'm tired and stressed out I might not be able to handle just having one or two glasses, I might go totally overboard.

Up a Pound

From truhealthquest.com

So I gained a pound, no biggie.  I think that's pretty minimal considering how my weekends used to screw up any weight loss goals I ever had.  The weekends have always been a source of difficulty because there's so much time to snack!  I fought back this weekend by keeping busy- I did crossfit, then cleaned the guest bedroom, then cleaned the wine fridge to sell, made a yummy lobster dinner, watched good tv.  That was Saturday.  Sunday I walked on the beach with Nathan and my doggies, then hiked with Jak, Joanna and Gizmo, blogged a little, went to Savers to look for a Halloween costume, did some grocery shopping, donated some clothing, sewed up a Kimono and made a delicious Steak dinner with a spinach salad on the side.  In between I tried to drink a lot of water.  I still snacked a lot, but at least I had tako poke, almonds, raisins, pickles, and some other dried fruit in the fridge.  It's not a great idea to eat too much dried fruit, but seriously, what's better, satisfying my sweet tooth with some dried dates or caving in to the curly Cheetos in the fridge?  I'm sure that pound came from all the snacking- healthy or not.
Now don't get me wrong.  I need to make this clear- losing and gaining one pound is natural, your body swings back and forth one to two pounds all the time!  So I'm not concerned, I'm just updating.  Also, weight is not the best indicator of your health/fitness/body shape, it's just the easiest and most convenient.  I may have gained a pound, but I'm comfortably wearing a pair of pants today that squeezed my legs and belly a bit last week.  And yes, I wear these pants often, I'm a bit poor these days.
Just as an aside, can I comment for a moment on how freaking hilarious the Lipozene commercials are?  Apparently weight gain is "not your fault!"  It's just due to lack of exercise, poor eating habits, and sitting around all day.  These are the claims of the commercial:
• 78% of each Pound Lost is PURE BODY FAT.
• Lipozene diet pills are backed by multiple clinical studies.
• REDUCE POUNDS of Body Fat and Weight WITHOUT a
change in lifestyle
• Lipozene weight loss supplements are safe and effective

First of all, I want to know what the other 22% of each pound lost consists of.  Second, I want to know when taking care of yourself became someone else's responsibility.  Third, I can't get the voice of the lady, who says, "my husband said, Look at you!" out of my head.  I don't know, watch it for yourself.  But please, please, please do not believe a word they are saying.  There is not a drug that already exists or is going to exist that will take away all of your problems.  Any pill or fad diet that makes you lose weight depends on you continuing to buy and take whatever it is that they are selling.  When you stop taking the pills or drinking the shakes you will gain the weight back plus more.  Trust me, I've been there.  I love infomercials.

Crossfit and Paleo

I'm feeeling pretty freaking good this morning.  I've been going strong paleo for a full seven days and I'm past the initial "this is hard" whiny faze.  It's not really hard.  It's delicious.  My fridge and freezer are also better stocked, so I have something to shove in my face when my husband is eating vanilla ice cream.  I weighed in at 134 this morning.  Anybody who tries to count calories or tries to starve themselves to lose weight should really try this way of eating.  I am never hungry.  I have tons of energy.  And I don't feel guilty for eating too much steak and broccoli.  So that's my healthy eating challenge plan.
Yesterday morning I also tried Crossfit in Kailua.  It was an intro class and I'm sure it was only a taste of the craziness that Crossfit entails, and we were using the lightest weights, but I have a good soreness in the body.  Not too horrible, I can just tell which muscles I used yesterday more than others.
This morning Nathan and I walked the beach with the dogs, not too far, and Jak and I are going to hike Nuuanu Judd trail in 45 minutes.  Then off to Savers to buy a Halloween costume.
All in all I'm feeling pretty good.  I'll have to take another picture in the same outfit that's on the site.  My belly looks more tight already.  Eating grains and beans just makes me bloated, so when I knock them out of my diet, my stomach tightens up pretty fast.  That's worth it, even if I didn't lose any weight.
Hope everyone else is sticking to their 30 day challenge!  Myia has challenged herself not to eat any fast food, including french fries!  That's hard, but she's gonna do it and when the challenge is over she's gonna make another change towards a healthier diet.  Arin's been running like crazy and I can't wait to see her!  So stop being a pussy and do something for 30 days to make yourself healthier!  We can do it, so can you!

I am Freaking Awesome

From picturesof.net

I got home from work yesterday and I was so exhausted that all I wanted to do was take a nap.  I still made a burger and fries for Nathan and a burger- no bun with pickle and onions for myself.  I opted not to go to Tae Kwon Do.  I hate doing that.  It's only twice a week, but I was really, really tired.  I watched TV, snacked on some sunflower seeds and dried prunes (seriously, don't knock it til you've tried it), drank a lot of water and went to bed early.  This morning I slept in a little later than normal and took my time getting ready for the day.  I took a few sick hours so I can pull myself together and be ready for the three back to back meetings I have in a little bit.  What a good idea.  I'm a genius.  I had my cup of coffee and my eggs with sausage and now I'm feeling really good.  I could have done what most people do- suck it up and go to TKD and go to work on time instead of taking care of themselves.  I could have gone to TKD and been really off.  I could have gone to work on time, but I wouldn't have felt like talking to anybody or been able to concentrate on paperwork.  I was really tired.  But now I'm getting ready to go and I'm feeling energized.  The people that I meet with later are going to get way more energy, motivation and effective feedback from me because I took a little time for myself.  Our world is a little backwards when it comes to the job force.  We are encouraged to watch the clock, punch in and out at exact times, we are not given reinforcement for doing a good job.  I certainly don't get any incentives for any of the awesome stuff I do.  I've decided over the past year that it's my life and I am going to steer it in the direction I want it to go.  If for some ungodly reason I got let go for taking sick hours for self-care instead of being vomitous or snotty, then they will just be kicking themselves in the asses again anyway.  Cause I do a good job.  And when I take care of myself, I do a better job.  Anyway, just another aspect of health that sometimes we forget about.  Exercise is important.  Eating healthy is important.  Taking care of yourself mentally is also very, very important.
Oh, and I lost another pound, even though I didn't go to my hard core exercise class last night.

Whoopsie!

Just a totally unrelated picture of my dogs, Titus and Gizmo

I ate so awesome yesterday!  I ran with the dogs, snacked on baby carrots and almonds, had meatballs for lunch!  Then came dinner.  Well, really it wasn't so bad.  Dinner itself was steak and an endive barbecued on the grill with parmesian cheese on top.  Quite delicious and filling.  We threw a few banana peppers on the grill as well, just to see what would happen.  It was quite good!  Nathan came home with some fruit to cut up for a fruit salad and I threw a bunch in a glass with some strawberry rum.  And here's where things went downhill a bit.  The darn alcohol made me feel like I really wanted some ice cream and a cookie.  With fudge on top.  Oh well.  After eating that I decided to go to bed rather than raid the fridge for something else.  I'm still doing really well, I don't think I've lost any weight, but I'm swinging the pendulum back to healthy lifestyle.  It's amazing to see how far to the other side I had swung.  Exercising a little bit every day, and eating much better.  I've been through this before.  I have to wait for my body to get used to this then step it up a notch.  Then the body weight starts to drop a bit and I'll do my best to continue eating healthy.  I am starting a 30 day challenge tomorrow because today I have 31 days until the plane leaves for the East Coast.  If anyone's actually reading this, some support and encouragement would be very welcome.  I have been having a hard time keeping myself on track.  It's easier when you're able to be held accountable.  If anything, just drop a note and tell me if you're going to check in or not, then I'll be embarrassed if I say I'm going for it and don't.
I am getting super duper excited about my trip East!  I have a month to be sure that my work is covered and my doggies are well taken care of while I'm gone.  Nathan's mother is coming out here on the 3rd of November, so I'll see her for a few days before I leave.  At least he'll have someone out here with him.

Being a good girl

So proud of myself.  Last night was Ananda's birthday celebration at a local restaurant.  I did not have any wine, fondue, fried calamari, or dipping sauce.  I didn't want to be an asshole, it was a birthday celebration after all, so I ordered a gin and tonic, nursed it all night and pounded water.  I had some of their sweet potato fries without their dipping sauce.  I had a very small taste of the Tiramisu they gave Ananda for her birthday and tasted the chocolate cake that Nathan got for himself.  A very small taste on the end of my spoon.  The smartest thing I did was fill myself up with the meatballs and sauce I made before we left.  I ate more than I normally would.  The smart thing about that was that I was already over full with good food and only had one or two bites to taste, I wasn't hungry or even very tempted.  It also helped that I finished my workout an hour and a half before getting there.  I'm never really hungry after a workout.
The best part about it all is how freaking good I feel this morning.  Not the way I usually feel after spending a fun night with the group.  And I had a fantastic time!  I didn't have less fun because I wasn't drinking or snacking.  I had a blast!  And I didn't feel like I was getting drowsy when it was time to leave.  I was tired, but it was a good, it's time to go to bed soon because it's late feeling, not a holy balls I'm drunk and need to lay down feeling.  I also didn't come home and snack on every unhealthy food I could find.  I just had some more water and went to bed.  Awesome night.

Bleh

Whoa.  Seriously sore from yesterday's workout.  It feels kind of good.  It's fine until I start walking.  Then my thighs and my hips and my knee hurt.  This morning I prepared quite the paleo lunch and am downing tons of water.  I am trying not to get impatient with the weight loss that I know will come with time.  I just need to stick with it.  I have TKD tonight, and then afterwards I am going out with a friend to celebrate her birthday.  I need to plan ahead.  I know they  have good salads there, and I can drink some kind of seltzer water.  I was eating mostly healthy over the weekend, but I haven't started to feel the effects of eating better until this morning.  I feel less bloated.

Rough Start

My Kryptonite

To the right is why my healthy eating kind of started yesterday. I wasn't hungry for breakfast after all the crap I ate Friday night, but I went the healthiest I could think of for lunch at the Windward Mall- sushi. There wasn't much options there. It kept me full for quite a while, the ahi and avocado, and wasabi did a good job. Then I went to the Windward Ho‘olaule‘a 2011, watched a great hula show and looked at amazing jewelry made by local artists. Joanna had bought some cookies, but I was good I had just a few tastes. Dinner was steak that I pan fried then put in the oven to finish, and corn on the cob to the side. For any of my paleo friends reading this, I am not rushing into the paleo side of things. I have stuff in my fridge that needs to be eaten. I think this hurt me the last couple of times I've declared I'm going to eat healthy because I feel guilty that they're in there. I'm going to phase out the non-paleo foods, starting with carbs. That I can avoid easily, especially because I know Nathan will eat anything I don't, so nothing will go to waste. He went out and got a whole bunch of paleo groceries yesterday for me, which. is. awesome!!! So we have lots of meat, veggies and fruits. Much easier for me this time. He also got himself hot pockets for those times I'm not around making dinner.

So anyway, off track, last night I had salad with the ladies after dinner, but also had some guinness and red wine. I snacked on all paleo goodies until I got home and had that "too much wine" feeling in my stomach, which I swear is only fixed by a piece of toast. I had an English Muffin, felt better and went to bed soon after. This morning I am not going to beat myself up because I made a lot of good choices in there. I think that's important for anyone not doing a challenge with a shit ton of support. If you beat yourself up for any mistake it makes you feel guilty and so many of us make ourselves feel better with all of those foods we were just feeling guilty about eating in the first place... not a very useful cycle. So I'm just starting my day with some eggs with veggies. We'll see how the rest of the day goes. Hopefully it includes some hiking/walking with the hubby and the dogs.

Primal Challenge

So far I've had a crazy year health wise.  I started off 2011 with an awesome Paleo Challenge.  It was an excellent experiment to see what foods are healthiest for me.  I was the most fit I've ever been.  After the challenge I slowly started adding back more and more junk.  It wasn't on purpose, it's just happened over time.   Then, the past two months several of my friends had a lot going on and subsequently I drank a lot of wine, and ate a ton of food that I know makes me feel like shit and makes me gain weight.  I did have a hell of a time though, so there's no regrets.  My current belly is a tribute to the great friend I was being.  Now I must face the fact that, for my own sanity, I cannot continue that lifestyle.  It is not only annoying not to be able to fit into some of my clothing, but I feel my emotions begin to rollercoaster again.  I am pretty comfortable in my body, I was 175 a few years ago, and that was okay, I was 120 earlier this year, that was cool too.  At 140, I know I'm a hot piece of ass, but I am not my healthiest.  The month of October for me is going to be dedicated to getting back in shape and eating better.  I think that means paleo.  I know I've said I'm going to start eating better several times in the past few months, but this time I definitely mean it.  I want to buy a dress for Arin's wedding, and I would like to be able to wear all of the clothes that Anna has packed for me for the visit to the East Coast.  There are so many reasons to eat healthier and workout one more day a week than I currently am.  As I sit here I am mentally memorizing what my gut feels like after eating horribly last night and drinking several guinness, so when the time comes to make a choice, I will remember it and go for the food that is going to make me feel less bloated.  After I post this I'm going to see if there's a way to put a countdown on the blog.  I need a visual reminder of how many days I have left until my Journey to the East.  As of today I have 5 weeks. That's 35 days for those of you who can't do simple math.  To my loyal followers:  Any other places I can stick a countdown that you know of?  There must be an android phone app or perhaps a facebook or google calendar application?  Ideas?

Sidenote: I do love the way life throws fabulous little seeming coincidences at you all the time.  I was just thinking that I would like to add a picture to the blog to brighten it up, picked up my phone because I thought it made a noise (which it didn't), noticed my Tarot card of the day was The Fool!  It's brilliant because The Fool represents new adventures.  I quote from the app "the journey begins fresh, innocent, and full of potential."  Quite an apt card for today.

Emotional Eating

So this topic is not a new one.  Emotional eating.  How does it always sneak up and bite you in the ass right when you think you've got things under control?  It so easily hides itself under the guise of a delicious "cheat" from your usual healthy eating pattern and then oozes into a weekend binge of cookies, bread and beer.  I swear I was eating paleo 4 days ago.  Doing great.  Paleo, really briefly, is eating nuts, fruits, vegetables and meats.  No dairy, added sugar (or HFCS), grains, alcohol, soy, or beans (legumes).  This sounds strict, but is extremely satisfying and delicious.  I love to eat this way because I don't have energy highs and low crashes, I feel full and satisfied all day long, my skin looks better, and my workouts are stronger.  This is an aside, though, back to emotional eating.  Basically, I was eating really healthy a few days ago.  Then I wanted a beer.  I'm a lady who doesn't restrict herself for the sake of restriction.  My whole point of eating healthy is to be healthy.  So when a strong urge kicks in, I indulge.  I believe that you should eat healthy most of the time, but then when you really want that fudge brownie or Guinness, well, by all means, enjoy it.  Don't just enjoy it, savor it.  So I bought some beer.  But, oh, one beer is never enough.  One beer became beer and cookies.  Which became beer, cookies, and 2 more beers.  And then I felt awful the next day.  Welcome, emotional eating.  I think this is why sugar is so addictive.  You enjoy a beer or large portion of cake or cookies, or whatever and then feel like crap the next day for various reasons.  The actual physical effect is pretty strong for me, but there's also the guilt.  Oh, I fell off the wagon again.  I ate too much last night, I was doing so good!  And so on and so forth.  Which for some reason invariably leads to finishing off the six pack the next night.  Because you're not feeling good.  And you want to feel better.  And beer makes you feel better!  And so does chocolate ice cream!  And then the next day you feel like crap, and round and round we go.  Oy vey.  Can't a girl just enjoy a beer? 
Well, I am eating healthy again today and enduring all of the physical setbacks that come with eating crap for 4 days, the bloated belly, the gas (holy moly!) and the headache today when I didn't scarf down any carbs for breakfast.  At least I know now that these side effects are short-term.  I know that by tomorrow's evening workout I will begin to feel healthy again. 
A few things I am going to do to get myself back on track:
I am going to start up my food journal again, I find that when I start to go on a bender, it helps steer me back.  I'm not going to get a new one, I'm just going to pull out the old notebook that I used last time.  I am not going to use it to count calories though, I'm going to document what the feelings and thoughts are that are driving me to want to drink beer and eat high carb stuff. 
I am paying to start TKD officially tomorrow.  That should get me a book and then I can have a fitness goal to work towards.  I am going to work to test for the next belt as soon as I'm ready for it. 
I am going to plan my meals better this paycheck period than I did last time.  Last week was the end of the month and because I hadn't planned out my meals very well, it gave me an easy excuse to resort to what was already in the fridge.
I weighed myself this morning: 132.  That helps give me a goal to work towards.  With TKD I might be able to get down to a healthy 125.  If I feel like I have lost fat and have gained muscle and don't get below 127, I know that's fine too.  127 seems to be where my body rests these days.  I think 125 would be fun to work towards though, only because that would mean some really vigorous workouts in the next few weeks, and I love a vigorous workout.  Maybe I'll do some Insanity with my friends this week or next. 

Day 29, One More Day or the Beginning of Something New?

So for the last 29 days I have been eating like a champ.  I accepted the Whole30 Challenge with friends from New York.  Meats, vegetables, fruits, nuts.  No alcohol, dairy, grains, sugar or legumes.  Some sweet potato.  I have been eating for energy, eating for health, and listening to my body instead of giving in to cravings or starving myself.  The beginning was hard.  That's for sure.  Try smelling pizza and not having any.  But I made a commitment, and I will forever be grateful that I did.  I feel freaking awesome.  I lost 6 pounds this month.  Not because I was trying to, but because my body likes what I'm eating.  I am not hungry, I'm full all the time, I eat a huge breakfast, a pretty big lunch, and a medium sized dinner.  I actually eat more than I think is necessary, and still I lost 6 pounds.  But, like I said, it's not about the weight loss, that was just the icing on the cake.  First of all, my abs look great.  The best they've looked, ever I think.  Even in high school.  In high school, I was in shape.  I exercised a lot.  But I ate a lot of bad shit, and now I can see the difference.  I workout hard now, but not as much as in high school.  My legs actually look good.  I know most people have that body part that no matter how much weight they've lost or how in shape they are, it just never seems to match the rest.  My legs were that.  I remember looking in the mirror lifting weights in early college, with Angela and noticing that I looked great- except my legs always seemed stocky.  I figured that was just me.  Which is fine for me.  I love my legs, they were just stocky.  My legs are not stocky right now.  Pretty cool!
My energy during my workouts has been phenomenal.  Not the crazy energetic highs that I used to get.  More like a steady drive through the whole thing.  My body gets tired, but not a give-up tired.  More of a, yeah, you've been working your muscles hard, but you can work them a little harder tired.  I was told several times this month that I've been like the energizer bunny at kickboxing.  I keep up a hard pace.
So... The thirty days are up tomorrow.  What's a girl to do?  It seems pretty obvious.  Keep going.  I am going to stick with this lifestyle.  I look at some of the food that I used to eat, and I know now how poisonous it can be for your body.  The processed stuff, the sugar added stuff.  Even a lot of the "health food" stuff.  I don't want to be an asshole to people and tell them what they're eating is wrong.  But I also don't want to eat it now.  It's more of an emotional connection to things like ice cream, chocolate and bread.  These items will be for special occasions only- maybe.
Anybody reading this, feel free to comment.  I would love to have others join me in my journey to health.  It feels good and I want to share the good feeling.

The Dreaded Plateau

I am grateful for the fact that I am still 145 although it means I have lost no weight in quite a while.  It also means that I have not gained any weight, which could be considered a miracle.  I did briefly gain a few pounds when for Lent, Nathan and I gave up sobriety and opened the case of BudLight that someone gave us quite a while ago.  It is absolutely amazing how fast weight can pile on.  Of course beer is a double wammy because I drink a few beers and then not only do I want the chips that are in the cabinet, I want all of them, and my self-control is out the window, so I DO eat all of them.  Luckily this week I made it up with exercise and am back to the same old weight.  That goal of 140 has stayed within my sight, but it takes a step backwards every time I step forwards.  Damn thing is right there, but I just can't get hold.  Of course I was saying this about 145 not too long ago, so I know I can do it.  Since losing weight is about a lifestyle and not about yo-yo dieting, I will be patient.  Nothing is worse than losing weight and then gaining it back again.  It is so crushing to watch your hard work swirl down the toilet.  At least moving at this snail pace I can be sure that it will stay off longer.  Even falling off the exercise and healthy eating wagon several times over the past couple of years the weight has piled on much slower than it used to.  So here's to getting back to fitness.  And here's to tofu and all kinds of crazy food that I have gotten out of the habit of eating.  
I went for a hike this morning, up the pillboxes and followed the path to the end of the Lanikai loop.  Then walked back to the car.  It's a good hike at 5:45am.  Going to kickbox on Monday.  Guess I should think of something to do tomorrow.