May Updates

Sorry for the hiatus, I know you've all been dying to know what I've been up to lately.  ;)  I have mostly been blogging on my new site, Find Your Joy.  One of my New Year's Resolutions for this year was to work on my Spirituality and this new blog focuses much more on that.  I didn't mean to wait 5 months to update on my resolutions, but better late than never, I figure.

The big resolution that I have been working on, other than what is addressed in my other blog, is being less anal about my diet/nutrition.  I have not weighed myself since January.  I stopped using my weight to track how I felt about my body.  I decided that I would relax the rules on the paleo, eat what I felt my body wanted, and get more in tune with how my body feels, rather than how much it weighs or even how it looks. This has been an up and down journey.

Not weighing myself- turns out this is no big deal.  I never did throw my scale out, I have a feeling that as soon as I chuck it, I'm going to want to weigh myself and go buy myself a new one.  So it sits in the bathroom corner, forgotten.  There was a part of me that was afraid that if I didn't weigh myself constantly the weight would creep up and all of a sudden I would weigh 175 again.  The truth is, I can tell very easily, by looking at myself in the mirror and by guaging how my pants and shirts are feeling, how I am doing.  In the morning, I do a quick naked flex in the mirror (come on, don't lie to me, you know you do, too!) and check the size of my belly and arms, because these are the parts of my body that seem to get bigger first.  I make sure to admire what I'm seeing.  I don't focus on the negative.  I just check in.  It may sound silly to you, but I ask my body how it's doing, if there's anything it's trying to tell me.  If there's pain I check in with it, too.  I'm a lot more in tune with my body now than ever.

Relaxing the paleo rules- this one was harder.  I am very good when I have strict rules to follow.  Do eat this, don't eat that.  Takes a lot of the pressure off of deciding.  It's a yay or nay.  But with that comes the feeling of rebellion.  Sometimes you just want a little alcohol or a donut for Pete's sake.  And when I go strict Paleo, I don't allow myself to have it, and then when I'm "done" with my whole 30 or I relax a little I buy a 50 ct. of red velvet with cream cheese chips cookies and eat the whole thing in less than a week.  This has just not seemed to me to be the best way to go about things.  So in January, with the new year, I was motivated to eat well and I didn't do a challenge.  I just listened to my body.  It went extraordinarily well for about 2 months.  I prioritized the paleo foods, meat, veg, fruit, nuts, and then just checked in with myself before eating anything "non-paleo."  I would have a donut here or there, buying one from the grocery store, instead of a dozen.  I would enjoy it, then go on my merry way.  In March I began to notice that this was happening more and more often and in April I really started to go overboard and I actually got sick.  Not sick from the food directly, but my energy got lower, I wasn't sleeping as well, my mind was getting foggier, I was feeling more and more negative and then I literally got sick and caught the bug that was going around the school I work at.  And because my energy was low and my stress and negativity were high, I got really sick.  I took off almost a whole week of school, which is not usual for me.  I don't mind taking off when I get sick, but I usually heal up in a day and can get back to work.  This knocked me down.

And so I declared that May first I would begin to eat better again.  Again, I have decided that I am not going to do a "challenge."  I think nutritionally this has become a crutch for me and I am determined to be able to eat without stressing myself out about it.  Well, today is May 6.  I have been eating very well.  Last night, my husband brought home from the grocery store, two slices of Lilikoi cheese cake.  This is a most delicious dessert that we have had before.  I had a decision to make.  Do I want the cheese cake?  How do I want to handle this?  I decided to go for it.  I savored every mouth-watering bite.  I took my time.  It was scrumptious.  And my husband got to enjoy that I enjoyed the cake.  Today, I do not feel any worse for the wear.  I don't feel guilty.  I don't feel bloated.  I don't feel like I am going to rush to the grocery store for a 50 pack of cookies after work.  I planned ahead this weekend and got healthy food for the week, so my lunches are planned out for the week.  I just ate a pear.  The experiment continues to be a success, although it is seriously not easy to move from strict counting calories or restricting food to listening to your body.  I have a feeling that this is another one of those skills that will get easier over time.

I continue to focus on my Core Desired Feelings in every moment of every day.  Living authentically and making an effort to feel how I want to feel all the time, not just when I'm on vacation, has been splendid.  I highly suggest you decide to make that commitment to yourself, too.

How have you been doing in 2013?  Where are you in your New Year's goals?  Now is a good time to recommit.  Be sure to comment on your progress below!

New Year's Health Goals

It's been a while since I've written on the Life, Health, and Food blog, since I've been on a bit of a spiritual hiatus.  I had completed a paleo challenge with the Crossfit Oahu team, this time called "Natural November."  I did great and once again was looking pretty fit at the end.  When the challenge was over I repeated my same cycle of eating massive amounts of "non-paleo" foods- especially anything with wheat and sugar (cookies, bread, crackers), alcohol and some fried foods.  I've gone through this many times and blogged about it before.  I have no definitive answers.  All I know is that every time I complete a challenge I "fall off the wagon" but every time it is not as destructive to my body.  Since I've been doing the spiritual thing I thought to myself that I would just ride this out and see what happened.  To just really go for it, to listen to my body and try to figure out what I really wanted and see what came out of that.  I didn't want to stop myself and promise that I would eat "better."  I wanted to wait for something to tell me it was time.  So for much of December I had strange combinations of Oreos, whipped cream and bacon for breakfast, if that's what I was craving.  If I felt like eating a "paleo" dinner, I would.  If I felt like potato chips for dinner, I'd go for it.  And if I wanted the entire bag of potato chips in one sitting, then I let go and ate them.  And for some reason, I never felt guilty.  The whole month of December I listened to my body.  I had a couple of evenings where I had some cravings and I walked to Safeway with the express purpose of finding what it was that would fill that craving.  I wandered all the aisles and I decided nothing was off limits.  Was it pickles? Was it cookies? Was it pretzels? Was it cookie dough? Anybody following me around would think I was crazy.  People go to the grocery store with lists!  I just wandered.  I'd pick something up and put it in my basket, but I might get to another aisle and decide that no, this chocolate bar would be better.  I stopped stuffing down the craving beast and let it out into the open.  I talked to it.  I listened.  Sometimes we had a miscommunication.  Turns out the cookie dough was not ever really the answer.  One time I picked just the right donut and enjoyed every single bite.  One evening it was pretzels and Guinness.  It was really fun to explore this feeling.  I've written a little about this before, too.  Do I want something crunchy?  Something sweet?  Something fatty or fried?  While I wandered around the store I had time to really pinpoint it.  As the end of December was nearing I began to have moments where I doubted myself.  I thought I would have to do another challenge or set some restrictive goals- goodbye bread and alcohol.  As I was washing dishes one day I thought, "Okay, tomorrow I will go back to eating healthy."  And it was strange.  I've gotten so used to questioning my thoughts and beliefs and this time, I didn't believe myself.  I was saying it, but it was untrue.  So I took it back.  I told myself I would not make a commitment or goal about restricting something from my diet until I could feel it was time.  A couple more times I had the thought that I was ready, but it wasn't true.  Then for some reason on December 18 in the bright and early pre-dawn hours I woke up and thought, "Okay, I'm ready."  And it was true.  It was a release.  I didn't have to stuff my face with sweets, but I didn't have to restrict myself completely anymore.  And still, I waited for the New Year to start eating better.  I wanted to make sure.  And for the rest of the month, I felt like I was saying goodbye.  Farewell, Guinness.  Farewell, wine.  Farewell, bagels.
For 2013, I'm not going to drink.  I am not completely restricting myself, if there is an important social gathering I'm not saying I'm "not allowed."  But I don't think I will.  I am also going to continue to listen to my body to tell me what I want to eat.  But it won't be the same things that I wanted before.  I am going to continue to ask myself if my next action will lead me to feeling one of my Core Desired Feelings: Powerful, Energized, Connected, Clear and Free.
As for fitness I have a few goals, they include being able to do 5 handstand pushups, being able to lift 65 pounds for my overhead squat.  To be able to do 5 muscle-ups, and increasing my mobility.  I would love to be able to do a split.  I'm so inflexible.
My other resolution for the year is that I intend to be more authentic every moment of every day.
What are your resolutions for this year?

30 Day Challenge for Realz

Popping Poppers

Photo Shoot

I had an awesome Christmas this year, Anna and I skyped with multiple family members and got some crazy awesome gifts.  Then did a lot of relaxing over the winter break.  Saturday was New Years Eve, in case you didn't know, and that was so much fun!  We hiked 2 of the 3 peaks of Olomana, did some photography shoots and tarot card readings on the peak.  Had Teddy's Bigger Burgers for our meal after and then headed home to get all dressed up to hang out.  We headed to Joanna's where Keysa is house sitting and did lots of drinking and more photography.  Nathan set off some poppers and entertained the 5 ladies hanging out.  The doggies stayed outside and barked at fireworks going off in the distance.  They were just the right amount of drugged so they didn't go totally crazy.  I felt kind of bad, but it's better than how scared they get otherwise.  Nathan and I dropped off Anna and Ananda downtown, then picked them back up 3 hours later.  All in all it was a great end to the year.
Yesterday I woke up pretty tired and cranky and Nathan and I were snippy at each other.  Then I took a nap and felt better. But we also started our paleo whole30 challenge yesterday for real.  It's not too different for me.  Luckily I have practice not having toast when Nathan has toast and can avoid the chocolate in the fridge.  Anna does not have such practice under her belt.  I feel pretty good, although I am still pretty bloated from my December shenanigans.

Lovely Ladies

So far so good in 2012!  The plan for today is to hike Kaena Point!  Will put up some pics if we go!