May Updates

Sorry for the hiatus, I know you've all been dying to know what I've been up to lately.  ;)  I have mostly been blogging on my new site, Find Your Joy.  One of my New Year's Resolutions for this year was to work on my Spirituality and this new blog focuses much more on that.  I didn't mean to wait 5 months to update on my resolutions, but better late than never, I figure.

The big resolution that I have been working on, other than what is addressed in my other blog, is being less anal about my diet/nutrition.  I have not weighed myself since January.  I stopped using my weight to track how I felt about my body.  I decided that I would relax the rules on the paleo, eat what I felt my body wanted, and get more in tune with how my body feels, rather than how much it weighs or even how it looks. This has been an up and down journey.

Not weighing myself- turns out this is no big deal.  I never did throw my scale out, I have a feeling that as soon as I chuck it, I'm going to want to weigh myself and go buy myself a new one.  So it sits in the bathroom corner, forgotten.  There was a part of me that was afraid that if I didn't weigh myself constantly the weight would creep up and all of a sudden I would weigh 175 again.  The truth is, I can tell very easily, by looking at myself in the mirror and by guaging how my pants and shirts are feeling, how I am doing.  In the morning, I do a quick naked flex in the mirror (come on, don't lie to me, you know you do, too!) and check the size of my belly and arms, because these are the parts of my body that seem to get bigger first.  I make sure to admire what I'm seeing.  I don't focus on the negative.  I just check in.  It may sound silly to you, but I ask my body how it's doing, if there's anything it's trying to tell me.  If there's pain I check in with it, too.  I'm a lot more in tune with my body now than ever.

Relaxing the paleo rules- this one was harder.  I am very good when I have strict rules to follow.  Do eat this, don't eat that.  Takes a lot of the pressure off of deciding.  It's a yay or nay.  But with that comes the feeling of rebellion.  Sometimes you just want a little alcohol or a donut for Pete's sake.  And when I go strict Paleo, I don't allow myself to have it, and then when I'm "done" with my whole 30 or I relax a little I buy a 50 ct. of red velvet with cream cheese chips cookies and eat the whole thing in less than a week.  This has just not seemed to me to be the best way to go about things.  So in January, with the new year, I was motivated to eat well and I didn't do a challenge.  I just listened to my body.  It went extraordinarily well for about 2 months.  I prioritized the paleo foods, meat, veg, fruit, nuts, and then just checked in with myself before eating anything "non-paleo."  I would have a donut here or there, buying one from the grocery store, instead of a dozen.  I would enjoy it, then go on my merry way.  In March I began to notice that this was happening more and more often and in April I really started to go overboard and I actually got sick.  Not sick from the food directly, but my energy got lower, I wasn't sleeping as well, my mind was getting foggier, I was feeling more and more negative and then I literally got sick and caught the bug that was going around the school I work at.  And because my energy was low and my stress and negativity were high, I got really sick.  I took off almost a whole week of school, which is not usual for me.  I don't mind taking off when I get sick, but I usually heal up in a day and can get back to work.  This knocked me down.

And so I declared that May first I would begin to eat better again.  Again, I have decided that I am not going to do a "challenge."  I think nutritionally this has become a crutch for me and I am determined to be able to eat without stressing myself out about it.  Well, today is May 6.  I have been eating very well.  Last night, my husband brought home from the grocery store, two slices of Lilikoi cheese cake.  This is a most delicious dessert that we have had before.  I had a decision to make.  Do I want the cheese cake?  How do I want to handle this?  I decided to go for it.  I savored every mouth-watering bite.  I took my time.  It was scrumptious.  And my husband got to enjoy that I enjoyed the cake.  Today, I do not feel any worse for the wear.  I don't feel guilty.  I don't feel bloated.  I don't feel like I am going to rush to the grocery store for a 50 pack of cookies after work.  I planned ahead this weekend and got healthy food for the week, so my lunches are planned out for the week.  I just ate a pear.  The experiment continues to be a success, although it is seriously not easy to move from strict counting calories or restricting food to listening to your body.  I have a feeling that this is another one of those skills that will get easier over time.

I continue to focus on my Core Desired Feelings in every moment of every day.  Living authentically and making an effort to feel how I want to feel all the time, not just when I'm on vacation, has been splendid.  I highly suggest you decide to make that commitment to yourself, too.

How have you been doing in 2013?  Where are you in your New Year's goals?  Now is a good time to recommit.  Be sure to comment on your progress below!

Breakdown? Or Breakthrough?

Yummy looking Steak

I was wondering how long it would take, or if it would happen at all.  I began the most recent paleo challenge, run by Crossfit Oahu on April 1.  I didn't have any difficulty during the challenge.  I found myself not wanting grains or alcohol, which are usually the cravings that I have.  In fact, it's usually something crunchy that I miss.  Anyway, the whole 45 day challenge was no problem.  Keysa and I decided to keep it up, and start a newer challenge with three "cheats" allowed during a week.  I didn't have any for the first two weeks.  Then I did carefully select some yogurt and honey.  I totally enjoyed it.  That was fine.  I did start craving some things I haven't had in a while.  I made it through May I think, and then my thinking started to change and I could tell.  I had pizza on June 12, which is fine, except that I didn't enjoy the three slices I shoved down my throat.  I ate better the next couple of days, then that Friday I had alcohol and some of the brownies that are STILL in my fridge that I made for Nathan's co-workers a few weeks ago.  Again, not a problem normally, except that I didn't play on it.  I just mindlessly ate it and felt slightly guilty about it.  I could feel myself going more and more off track.  Finally, this past Tuesday, some of my co-workers had ordered some lunch plates and I had not prepared myself a good lunch.  I had stopped to get a salad, and put raisins on it.  I had bought an avocado to add to it, but it turned out not to be ripe enough.  I had some of their breaded, deep fried shrimp and some of the sushi.  On my way home, all I could think about was fried won tons.  I realized then that I had to do something about this.  So.  I deliberately went to get some of the food I had been craving.  I got some garlic rolls and man doo pi from Foodland, I grabbed a bottle of wine, and went home.  I told my husband that I was going to eat whatever I could think of that I had been avoiding so if he wanted to go out and get pizza or something, tonight was the night.  So we both ordered P'zolos from Pizza Hut and got their super, duper hot wings.  We got the breaded, boneless wings.  I drank my wine, and ate tons of food.  But this time I did it mindfully.  I enjoyed every bite.

Pizza Hut P'Zolo

Yesterday I gave away the rest of the rolls, because Nathan won't eat them and I didn't enjoy them as much as I thought I would.  I hung on to the mon doo, and ended up eating the rest of it yesterday and today.  So now my leftovers should be all gone.  Yesterday I started my day with a huge omelette.  I prepared an awesome salad for lunch.  I made a tasty paleo dinner, but added some of the won tons.  This morning I finished the won tons, but again, I made a huge omelette, and made a delicious looking lunch of chicken sausage and leftover steak and veggies from last night.  My plan is to feed myself lots of primal food, even if it seems like too much.  I will start planning ahead again.  I can already tell my thinking patterns are starting to shift again.  I feel more motivated today, and I had this awesome daydream about the retreat house I will own someday in the woods near a lake.  The last couple of days I was just tired, and didn't feel like doing anything.  Today my imagination is back.
Breakdown? Or Breakthrough?  My verdict is that it is a breakthrough.  This time around I have been keeping a simple record of what I've been eating and I was able to look back to see the patterns.  My co-workers might really appreciate the data collection.  Anyway, looking back I can see where my thinking started to change.  Partially, it had to do with Keysa being gone, apparently I do better with some accountability.  Keysa and I were talking about food a lot, and with her being gone, I wasn't as focused on nutrition.  It may just be that it wasn't a priority for me.  I noticed at the same time that some of my lazier habits tend to come back all at once.  I wasn't having as much fun preparing for and making dinner, I wasn't waking up as chipper as normal, and on days when I didn't have work, I was starting to sleep in pretty late and not shower all day.  No big deal, except that it is usually the sign of the beginning of a depressive episode for me.  We all have our signs if we pay attention.  So.  I am actually just realizing this as I type.  And I realize that I need to pull my shit together right now, cause I'd prefer not to get all moody and non-motivated.  Do we all get like this sometimes?  I don't know.  I just know what happens to me.  I can envision myself holing up in the house, not crafting, not reading, just laying around.  Awesome, right?  Not that I was falling into a depression, but that I'm able to catch it this time!
I encourage anyone who is trying to make a major life change, such as totally changing your eating habits to share it with the right friends to create some accountability.  For me, just knowing that some of my friends will read this, is what is going to get me back on track.  Even if not one of you makes it all the way through the end of this long ass blog post, there is the slight possibility that you have, and that you might wonder whether I am going to follow through on my commitment to changed behavior.  So, thankyou kind reader for keeping me healthy and sane.

Post-Challenge Health

It's been 12 days since the Crossfit Oahu Nutrition challenge ended.  I am feeling pretty darn good.  I think I wrote earlier that my new challenge is to allow for three treats a week, so I don't have to be so strict.  Funny thing is, I haven't really wanted anything.  It was nice to be able to have a taste of Nathan's cheese cake last weekend, but I didn't go overboard, wanting the whole thing.  On Thursday I had a square of super dark chocolate that I have been saving for myself for after the challenge.  I was concerned about being able to only have some, although, if I had eaten it all I wouldn't have beaten myself up about it.  But I didn't want more.  I am enjoying feeling healthy, and feeling thin and strong at the same time.  I am enjoying seeing the muscles that have always been in there.  But that's not why I haven't been snacking on junk.  I just don't want it.  We've got tons of stuff in our house.  Nathan has stores of chips and granola bars and pudding and cookies and juice and bread.  I just don't feel like it.  I stopped for a second there, while I was writing, to double check if this is still true.  I envisioned myself eating bread with butter.  Not interested.  I've got a roasted chicken that sounds way more appetizing.  I also hit up the Whole Foods dried fruit section the other day and got tons of good stuff.  I know that many websites say don't eat too much fruit.  I say, do what works for you.  It has lots of sugar in it, yes.  I usually eat fruit with nuts, and then I don't feel like eating for a while.  I eat a well rounded range of food.  

Today, I'm sewing workout gear.  I'm pretty excited about how easy it is.  Turns out once you have a pretty decent pattern for a tank top or shirt, you can whip out a whole bunch of stuff with the right material.  Jersey's great because you don't have to finish the edges, it won't fray.  The shirt I'm wearing in the picture is one of the tanks I just made.  It was the first version, so very unfinished edges.  But I don't care, I'm wearing it to sew.  The more recent ones are pretty great.

Crossfit Oahu Nutrition Challenge

Left side: 2006, Top 3: April 2012- pre-challenge, Bottom 3: May 2012- post-challenge

So I realize I haven't blogged in a really long time.  Work got really stressful and I was just trying to enjoy all my other time.  Since I last blogged Anna left and that is really, really sad.  While she was here I did so much fun stuff.  I had more fun packed into a couple of months this year than I've had in years.  She convinced me to do a lot of stuff.  It reminded me that life is short and you only live once.  Just some of the stuff we did:  Hiked everywhere, searched for squatch, wore lots of knee socks, crossed lots of fit, did tons of pullups, started our own crossfittish supplemental workouts, ran with a slosh tube, lay on the beach, frolicked everywhere, parkoured, ran a Swamp Romp and a Warrior Dash, drank Guinness, dance, almost hiked the stairway to heaven, got my nose pierced and some of us got tattooed.  There was tons of laughs and late night talks.  I'm suprised we never fought.  And I know there's tons of stuff that I left off of this short list.  It was pretty amazing.  Around the time Anna was leaving I started the Crossfit Oahu Nutrition Challenge.  Normally I don't like to pay money for things, because I'm a cheap ass, but I knew this would be worth it.  I paid 75 bucks to be weighed in and have my body fat tested with a very cool ultrasoundish machine.  We got great advice and feedback from our challenge host, Courtney Johnson.  She also created an amazing spreadsheet that allows you to track points you get for eating at the level you chose, for sleeping enough and for working out.  I know I work with kids and star charts every day, but I'm still amazed at how motivated I was and still am by earning points.  It helped me make hard decisions several times.  I was like, I could eat that, but I'll lose 5 points!  It turns out I'm quite the points whore.  And it wasn't even a challenge where the person with the most points wins.  Each point is a chance to win the pot of money at the end. Either way, I was very motivated.
The other cool thing about the challenge is that it gave me a new way to look at food.  Instead of "that's not on the list of allowable foods" that you get with most diets, lifestyles, ways of eating, whatever.  Instead it was, here is your priority list.  On the bottom of the list is the junkiest, most bad for you foods and as the levels increased your eating got healthier and healthier.  I decided not to cut out sweet potatoes and squash, so I was at a level 7.  I could have tried to be more strict, but I wanted to spend the 45 days getting into eating habits that I could follow for life.  Every time I went shopping and considered a meal, I didn't "have" to eliminate anything.  I just chose how healthy I wanted to be at the time.
It was a very succesful challenge for me.  I wasn't eating all that great before the challenge, but my poor eating is still pretty healthy by the Standard American Diet's standards.  Throughout the challenge I lost 13 pounds, and 4 inches off of my waist.  Pretty awesome in 45 days.  Especially since eating paleo, I'm never super hungry.  I never get the high/low blood sugar spikes.  I don't feel like I have to limit how much I eat.  I love the food.  And it makes me feel really strong.  Just saying for all the people who think cutting out grains is hard, well, yeah, it's hard because eating grains is a habit.  It's what we're used to.  But if people didn't try to shove grains in my face all the time, I wouldn't miss them.  The hardest time I have is when well-meaning people make me feel like I don't appreciate them because I won't eat their damn cookies or bread.  I'm amazed how offended people are when I won't taste their food.  But that's another story.
So that's what I've been up to.  Living life, hard.

Fitness When We Feel Like It

Isn't it funny how we will talk and talk and talk about how great our fitness is while we're doing good, but then when we're not doing so great, we sit silent.  If you're wondering why I have not blogged in so long it's because I haven't had much good to say.  I had surgery on my left ring finger on February 15 and was unable to use that hand for a good 2 weeks.  I'm not sure why I didn't blog about the Swamp Romp that 5 of the ladies and I ran on February 20.  It was freaking awesome.  Keysa and I made iron-on shirts for our team the Bacon-Wrapped Squatches.  I made bacon belts by painting on red pleather that I happened to have lying around.  I also made Anna a cape from a sheet bought at Salvation Army.  The course itself was 5 miles through the mud and swamps at Kaneohe Marine Corps Base.  Tons of fun.  Got very dirty.  I simply wrapped my hand up in a plastic bag and used my elbows to leap over obstacles. 
After the swamp romp I did run a few times, and Keysa, Anna, and I, plus now Ananda have been doing our own modified version of a crossfit workout on Sunday mornings.  Mostly though, I've been eating too much junk and drinking lots of alcohol.  It has been fun, and I don't regret it, even though my belly is now straining against my pants again and the acne on my face has exploded in numbers. 
I am making a commitment from now until the Warrior Dash at least to eat better.  Not strict paleo, but primal again.  I can go back to crossfit on Thursday and maybe even Wednesday depending on how my finger feels.  It makes a huge difference when you've done a hard core workout.  When your muscles are all sore like mine are, from the workout we did yesterday, it is a constant reminder that you're trying to eat better.  My snacking today has been a minimal after my big egg and veggie breakfast.  Plus the only thing I brought to snack on was water and dried dates.  You can only handle so many of those, ya know?  I am going to finish off my Zia's leftovers from last night for lunch and then when I hit the supermarket later I am going to be very picky with my choices.  The chips leftover from the superbowl are finally almost gone and I don't plan on replacing them.  I may look into buying some kind of rice snacks.  I know for sure I can't handle wheat.  I am so addicted.  I can't have pretzels, I'll eat them all.  I can't have bread, it sets off this chain reaction in me to search for any kind of food with sugar in it.  It's kind of crazy.  I feel like I should find a Grains Anonymous group to get some support for my problem.  I seriously should start counting the days like a true addict.  My name is Mary and I am a Grain Addict.  It's been __ days since my last slice of bread. 

So back on track

My Muscles are Gonna Be Huge

Thank God for the paleo challenge I'm doing again.  And thank God Keysa is doing it with me.  I was just reading through my blog posts from 2011.  I was doing fantastic at the beginning of the year, and stayed on track until about July.  Then I started to really veer off of the healthy eating.  I wonder if it is because Tae Kwon Do was not challenging enough.  Either way I gained weight, and then started eating horribly, starting with the HalloWine at the YMCA.  Then straight through December and the end of 2011.  It's pretty awesome how quickly it happens.  2012 has again been a great start.  Crossfit has been fun, although some of the Group Elements classes have been extraordinarily boring.  I think I've mentioned that before.  It's cool though, because now we know what the hell they're talking about when they set forth the workout and I don't feel like a complete idiot.  The other day we did Cindy, I did 13 rounds.  I had a lot of modifications, but I'm okay with it.  I know that TKD allowed me to get really weak.  It's no excuse, I'm just not the type to keep up with workouts on my own.  If we didn't do pushups or cardio during a class, I certainly wasn't going to do it on my own.  So my Cindy was pretty weak, but I have something to work towards now.  At some point I'd like to be able to do a straight dead hang pullup.  Maybe even a few in a row!  I want to be strong like I used to be.  It would be a lot of fun to be able to pull myself up the pullup cage or up the rings ropes or up the regular old ropes and just fucking climb all around.  That's right, like a freaking monkey.  That's my goal for the next few months.  Sweet abs would be great while I'm at it, but being able to climb like a monkey is a-number-one priority.

Not Like This One

Like This Monkey

Fattening Up and Gluten Loading

So Anna and I have decided that our official date to start our Whole 30 Paleo Challenge will be December 16th.  I will get paid on the 15th, so I can start to replenish the cabinets, fridge and freezer with good for me treats.  Also on this day we shall take before pics so you can be enthralled by our transformations.  To plan I am printing up some Paleo food posters for the fridge and only buying paleo (except for Kefir and Yogurt, I need my good bacteria and can't afford the supplements) from now until the end of the challenge.  In preparation I am eating as much glutenous, sugary, processed food and beer as I can fit down my throat and into my bloated belly.
The plan this time is not to finish the whole 30 with a sugar buffet, but this time to stick with it within reason.  I plan on being super strong and fit for the Warrior Dash in March, so that is my goal.  I am hoping too that Crossfit and Paleo will help me get my knee back in shape in time to run the Great Aloha Run.
Yesterday I had the best time ever, being a part of Keysa Hale's Marathon Pit Crew.  She has been training for months to prepare to run the Honolulu Marathon and only asked that we meet her at some point to hand her some coconut water and grapes.  Instead we created an elaborate plan to meet her at mile 17, hand her the goods, and then run with her relay style until the finish.  I took the first 3 miles.  We chatted about her weekend from mile 17 to 20.  It was awesome running in the marathon.  I got to experience all of the cheering and hullabaloo without actually putting in too much effort.  I did my best to stay out of everyone's way and to enhance Keysa's marathon experience.  At mile 20 I bowed out, called the crew driving nearby and hopped into the car at a bus stop.  We kept driving and when we spotted her and her friend again, Anna jumped out and joined her.  Then Joanna, Ananda and I found them at mile 24 and Ananda and Anna finished the last two miles with her before leaving the track near the finish.  Keysa finished on her own and we celebrated with pictures, oatmeal cookies, and the pool at her hotel.  It was so much fun.  It made Anna and Ananda want to train for a marathon.  It solidified my knowledge that I do not ever want to run 26.2 miles.  I still like shorter distances.

Busy or Tired

Recently I've been pretty busy and in my down time I've been extremely tired.  Like right now.  Droopy eyelids.  On Tuesday I really didn't want to go to TKD class.  I was just so exhausted.  I went anyway, and it wasn't the pick me up that exercise usually is when I'm tired.  This feels different.  Tonight I have TKD again and I just don't feel like going again.  I only have 3 more classes left, so I should go.  I would rather take a nap.

Anna's in Hawaii!

Pre-Thanksgiving on Hammock

This past Monday Anna and I were driven to the airport in a fancy schmancy car at 5am.  Her plane left at 7:30am and I slept in the airport until my plane left at 11:30am.  It wasn't so bad.  I also got a tuna melt and a coffee in the airport.  Yummy.  The flight wasn't horrible, I watched a few movies and napped a little.  When I landed I had to stay awake to go pick Anna up at 10:30pm Hawaii time.  I was so exhausted.  I got a little sick and just felt like sleeping for the next couple of days.

Jak and Ananda with Cake

We cruised around to Ben Franklin, hiked the Pillboxes, grocery shopped and prepared for Thanksgiving.

Anna's new Bike, Carmen

Thanksgiving was nice and relaxed.  I made some stuffing and spaghetti squash.  We went to Joanna and Jeff's and surprised Jak with a cake for her birthday.  We talked story with the ladies, then we headed over to Bobby and Corey's place for some more turkey.  Corey prepared a huge spread of food including a stuffed turkey and a huge ham, mashed potatoes, gravy and cranberry sauce.  Good thing we went since we were the only ones who showed up to eat all that food.  Anna and I stuffed ourselves, then Anna passed out on the couch.  We got mad leftovers to take home.
I tried to go into work on Friday, but the office was closed and I headed home to do a bit of paperwork.  When I did all I thought I needed to, Anna and I went out and she bought herself a bike.  It's really great, it's purple and she got a basket put on the front and fenders were ordered to be put on on Monday.  We grabbed some applications from a few bars on the way home.

Hamama Falls

Saturday morning we hiked Hamama Falls with Theresa, Joanna, Jak, Keysa and Ananda, and the doggies.  It was the perfect length of hike.  Tiring, but we still had energy for more activities later.  Anna and I headed to the beach in the afternoon.  It was super windy, so we hunkered down and watched the kite surfers.  Then we rode into town so Anna could grab a surf board she found on Craigs List.

Ze Beach is Zat Way!

Sunday we hiked the Koko Head stairs and then headed to the Verizon store to see if we could get Anna on her own phone plan.  She decided against it for the moment since it's pretty expensive with all the texting she does.  We got some yogurt from Yogurtland (delicious!!!) and headed back home.  We were going to head to the beach again since all the ladies and Jeff were headed that way, but we got caught in traffic.  When we got closer we realized it was due to some brush fires that were ignited all along the road side.  We had a whole bunch of ash blow straight at us in a quick windstorm.  Awesome!

Looking for Recyclables

Instead of the beach Anna decided to ride around town on her bike and check out the local stores.  I stayed home and did very little.  I think I had some wine and thought about taking a nap.  Then Joanna texted that they were at a coffee house in town and I met them over there.  It's one of my new favorite stores I've decided.  It had a whole bunch of locally handmade goods for sale and was comfortable, warm and the tea latte I had was delicious.

Waah!

I finally went back to work yesterday for a full day.  It was good, but I was a little bored.  Not that I didn't have plenty to do, I just didn't want to do it.  I had the same problem today.  I did a lot of work, but my heart wasn't really in it.  It was hard to get back to the same ol', same ol.  We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Smoke from Brushfire

Tonight is Tae Kwon Do, and hopefully it doesn't kick my ass too badly.  I am out of practice and out of shape.  I did go to the grocery store today to pick up healthier food so I am not picking on all of the chips and bread available to me in my refrigerator.  I have plenty of other options now.  No excuses!
It's going to be time to start my pre-New Year's Resolution!  I need to figure it out by Thursday.  Hope everyone else is ready with theirs, too.

A Wedding, A Baby and a Bonfire Part I

Where to even start?  I have been off on the East Coast for the past two weeks.  I returned on Monday evening with a slight cold and extreme exhaustion.  My travels were freaking awesome.  I don't know if I have the energy to write about it all today.  Let's get it started.
Day 1, fly out and sleep on the plane.

Aunt Nancy and Mamasita Sullivan

A White Dog

Rows of Trees Fallen Together

Day 2, land in Newark Airport, New Jersey.  My aunt Nancy picked me up from the airport at 11am Eastern Time and we started driving North where I would meet my mom.  The plan was for mi madre to take me the rest of the way after some lunch.  The drive up was good, Aunt Nancy was excited to hang out and we did some deep spiritual talking.  I was surprised how open minded she was.  It was a great start to the trip.  We met my Mom at some rest stop and Aunt Nancy pulled out the baked chicken, tomatoes, celery and baby carrots for lunch.  She had even looked up Paleo and did her best to make something I could eat.  So cute!  We had that and a banana cream pie to celebrate my mother's birthday that day.  A really mellow celebration.  We said farewell to Aunt Nancy and headed North again.  The drive with Mom was good, we listened to some Phantom of the Opera and talked all the way to the house.  We walked around our property and she showed me the damage from Hurricane Irene.  Lots of trees were down, in really creepy patterns all across the woods.

Your Roots are Showing!

Hurricane Irene did some crazy damage.  Even the Hammock tree went down.  Luckily nothing hit my parent's house.  That would have been awful.  On the positive side, Hurricane Irene gave us plenty of wood to build a new bonfire area, complete with bench seating.  We also had plenty of hot dog roasting sticks and logs to throw on the fire.

Day 3, I took a walk while Mom and Dad were at work.  I got up early to  tool around the neighborhood since I haven't been there in so long.  Last time I was in the area I had no time to myself, so I relished the alone time.  I walked to the field next to our property, then walked down Mrs Franks road to check out the area that I spent most of my time in the mornings waiting for the school bus.  It was great to be there.  I also had an AHA moment when I realized that the small stream that travels under Franks Road is the one that appears in my dreams sometimes.  Interesting.  I continued walking left on Phillips towards the Cow Lady.  I was a little worried that she might still have goats and that I would have to run to avoid their nasty bites.  (Not that I ever got bit, but they were gross and I'm sure they would tear out my flesh if they got their teeth on me.)  No goats or cows at the Cow Lady's place.  In fact, I think the Cow Lady is no longer at the Cow Lady's.  A moment later Anna and Alec arrived in Anna's car and I jumped in the back for a ride home.  There we packed, tried on dresses and waited for Dad to arrive.  When he did we stuffed the car and headed for Philly.  I texted my Mom to let her know our locale and mentally moved on to my next activity: Project Wedding.

Anna in the Window Sleeper at the Microtel

We got to our hotel, which sadly I have no pictures of.  It was a Microtel.  It had two huge beds and mirrors all over the place.  A bit creepy, but all we needed was a place to rest our domes after the drinking and dancing that was about to ensue.  So we checked in, put on our rehearsal dinner gear and headed off again, this time to Arin's neighbor's, the Foley's home. This is where the rehearsal dinner party was happening, apparently there was also some actual rehearsing happening at the venue.  Arin and Andrea came later.  I have to say that Arin's friends are pretty awesome.  She has built quite the family.  I'm glad that she has surrounded herself with a group of people that cares so much about her.  

We quit that party around 11pm and headed back to the Microtel for our beauty sleep.

Day 4, Wedding.  I'm gonna save this post for later, cause there's way too much to write at this present moment.  Maybe later tonight.  So far, 4 days in and sooo much fun was had!

Eating Healthy is the First to Go

So I have been having a really hard time the past few days.  It doesn't matter that I'm going back East to have a fabulously fun time, it's always stressful to get ready for a long vacation.  Especially since Nathan isn't going with me.  I'm not packed yet.  I just bought dresses for the wedding.  I'm finishing my paperwork here at work and there is way more than I'd like to admit to get done here still.  When I get stressed I get hypersensitive.  So when my friends came to help me find dresses at Ross yesterday instead of being able to enjoy the time, although it did end up being quite fruitful, I was snippy and grumpy.  When I get stressed I want everyone to just go away so I can sit by myself and pull myself back together.  But I can't do that right now.  I left myself too much to do, and Nathan's mother is visiting from New York.  I may head off to the library or something before I head home so I can just have a moment or two of alone time.  I don't need much.  But I haven't been by myself in a while.  I need that.  Of course tomorrow evening I'm going to get plenty of alone time.  I'm going to be sitting by myself in the airport for two hours and then flying by myself for 11 more.  After that I'm not sure if I'm going to have any time to relax, I think pretty much from when I land I'm going to be all over the place, trying to fit a bazillion things into two weeks of vacation time.
I hate to admit it, but my eating has been shit.  I have been stuffing bread down my throat and drinking wine at night.  On Saturday we went to the Polynesian Cultural Center, which was pretty great.  The shows were good at each island "station" and then we did a buffet dinner and "Ha, Breath of Life" the show.  So in the morning I ate well, my eggs as usual, but then we got to PCC and the only semi-foodlike thing to eat was chili nachos or a chili hot dog.  So I just ate the chili hot dog and enjoyed it.  I also had some shave ice, which is a tooooon of sugar.  Then, of course, the buffet was painfully bad for me.  I did my best in the beginning to line my plate with the prime rib, the crab legs, the eggplant, the fish and chicken.  There were also lots of sauted vegetables.  The thing is that most of the meat was breaded and fried and the sauces were all full of sugar.  And that just sends me into a tailspin.  This ended with 2 slices of oreo cheesecake among other tasty desserts.  Keep in mind, the food was DELICIOUS.  Then yesterday, breakfast and lunch were good, but dinner was sloppy joes with this delicious bread from this fabulous bread store down the street.  How am I going to argue when someone else is cooking for me?  My motivation and self-control have been non-existent.  At least I went hiking yesterday.
Anyway, those are my complaints.  All in all, not so bad.  I've got a pretty great life.  It just sometimes feels overwhelming, even though eating a great deal of food is not really a problem in many people's books.  I am lucky and grateful that I have my mother-in-law out here buying us food and cooking for us.

The good news is I got two fabulous dresses, I've got a list here next to me of all the things I need to pack so when I go home it shouldn't take too long and my Ipod is full of good music and two audio books.  I don't know what movies are going to be happening on the plane, but hopefully I can sleep through them and be ready to rock and roll when I get to New Jersey Wednesday morning.  I will be in charge of making food for myself in the next few weeks and I am going to be very selective about what I buy.  Lots of bacon, hopefully.

Two Days of Horrible Choices...

From Gokill.com

... And I liked it.  It tasted really good.  Halloween wasn't necessarily the problem.  It was the cookies that were on sale because they were orange Halloween cookies.  They hit my weak spot.  I ate almost a whole container of them.  That's a lot of calories.  Not that I'm counting calories these days, but dayum.  Then I spiraled and ate shit tons of the candy we bought just in case we had a trick or treater.  We didn't.  But we still have candy.  It's a good thing.  I wanted to eat it all.  I get this obsessive need to continue to eat.  I think it's the crack, er, I mean sugar in them.  There were chocolate chips and peanut butter... oh my god, I'm kind of drooling now.  Anyway, I spiraled int over eating and like a true addict I haven't written on my blog because I wanted to be alone with my guilt.  If I wrote about it, I'd have to stop and I didn't want to.  I wanted to stuff my gullet with sugar.  I had an amazing sugar hangover the next morning, which led to my addict thinking- maybe some bread and sugar, or maybe some wine will make me feel better.  Hmmm, I've never tried that before.  Lo and behold, no, more sugar and bread and wine did not make me feel better.  It truly makes me wonder what's in those god damn things.  I am a rational human being.  I make good decisions about my health.  I work out, I eat my vegetables, just like my mommy told me to.  So why is it that I turn into a crack fiend with just a sniff of peanut butter cookies?  Oh well, I'm human.  I'm fessing up to my weaknesses.  It's embarrassing, but true, my kryptonite is a dozen peanut butter cookies.
On another happier note, my Tae Kwon Do is moving smoothly and I will be testing for my orange belt tomorrow, woohoo!  They are letting me test early since I'll be on vacation on the regular testing date.  These guys really rock.  I did a pretest preparation yesterday, got some pointers and should pass with flying colors tomorrow.  I have a few things I have to memorize and I need to remember to do an elbow strike with all of my moves.  I've gotten lazy elbow.  I wish it didn't cost 105 bucks.  But that's martial arts.  It's the cost of the test, the belt and the videos for the next level.  The videos are a great investment.  Even if I don't continue with TKD, I'll always have the videos so I can review the moves.  And if I rejoin I can watch them to remember all my moves so I won't be totally embarrassed.  It was a great workout last night, my arms are still sore.  That's the kind of workout that I love.  I wish every TKD session was like that.  I would stay for sure.
I am going to go make dinner now, I think I can salvage the damage I did over the last couple of days.  I have lots of healthy food since we just got paid recently.  We have steak, broccoli, cauliflower, more beef, and lots of other stuff in the freezer.  I'll see if I can avoid the cookies.  Whatever is left is going to my school tomorrow, the office ladies can eat them.

Crossfit Makes Me Want to Barf, Or Maybe it's the Alcohol

Keysa and I hit up Crossfit Kailua again this morning.  I was worried it was going to be the same old workouts, but I was wrong.  Very wrong.  Luckily I think when the guy in charge sees people that have been there before he is going to mix it up a little.  That's good and bad news, because today we did Burpees, Thrusters and a run with the damn medicine ball.  They must do the run with the medicine ball to get you to not ever want to do an intro class again.  It's not the run itself or the weight, it's the size of the damn ball.  There is no comfortable way to hold it while you run.  So you shift it from side to side, put it over your head and on your shoulder... Hold it behind your back and two hand it in front of you, it's really just a mess.  I could barely do any thrusters and burpees, maybe cause I'm a wuss or maybe cause of the amount of nasty (delicious) food I ate last night.  Maybe both.  Before we started I had a stomach ache.  While we were exercising, I wanted to vomit.  Afterwards... yeah, still wanted to vomit.  But the thing that's cool is that you're in and out of your workout pretty quick, dead tired, you know you worked out, there is no question about that.  I'm sure it will make me better at Tae Kwon Do, unfortunately I can't afford both.  This is one of those times I really wish I was rich.
I ended up going to Crossfit on an empty stomach this morning, which was a good idea, cause I probably would have barfed.  For lunch I had some of my delicious slow cooked chicken stew.  I really need to practice getting the bones out of it though, cause I thought I did a good job, but I keep finding little pieces.  There's nothing grosser than chomping on a bone in your soup.  Also, today I added some Red Hot hot sauce and Primo Taglio Cheddar Cheese.  Quite delicious.
I also had a chance to Skype with my beautiful sisters, Anna and Arin and Arin's fiance Andrea.  And their dogs.  And took my dogs to the vet for their "pedicures" (read- nails trimmed and anal glands expressed) and bathed 'em.  Good day so far.

Stress is Strong!

I have been eating really well since the beginning of this challenge.  I've been mostly paleo with some tastes of things here and there to see how I handle it.  (Except for last weekends Hallowine, see the previous post for that story, LOL)  Wednesday night I came home and Nathan was upset about something and we had a small argument and MAN! stress drives me straight to the carbs.  Let's see, I want to remember correctly what I ended up eating.  I had already made a pork roast and small salt potatoes.  The potatoes were for Nathan and they were drowned in butter.  I had a few of those- maybe 3.  Then after dinner I had a slice of the leftover pizza from the weekend.  A thin crust meat lovers from pizza hut.  I saw myself spinning out of control and grabbed some raisins and walnuts and some chocolate.  It's hard to be totally honest about this, I keep wanting to make my eating habits sound better than they are.  Funny!

Anyway, my stomach is quite upset about Wednesdays shenanigans, still.  I feel bloated and gassy.  That's what I get.  Tonight I'm going dancing for Joanna's birthday.  It's a halloween bash through Arthur Murray.  Nathan's going to join me, so we're going to be late.  We're going to miss the pre-game cocktails, but that's okay because I really don't think I want to drink tonight.  I'm interested to know if Nathan's going to want to dance or not once we get there.  Hope so, that would be very cool.
I may try crossfit again in the morning.  I'm interested to know if their open house workout is always the same.  Or maybe yoga?  Don't know yet.  Last week I went to yoga and it was the one day that that particular instructor has ever cancelled.  Figures.  A sign?  Who knows....

Stress Eating

For some reason what I ate today for lunch made me feel really bloated around 5pm.  My stomach started to hurt, I could feel it pushing against my pants and it didn't feel better when I changed into stretchy pants upon reaching home.  I felt gassy.  Not sure what I ate that did that.  I didn't change my diet very much at all.  Then I got home and Nathan was mad at me for something, cause I was a bit of an idiot.  I lost a little control and had some potatoes with butter and a little of the brussel sprouts that I made for Nathan.  The only thing wrong with the sprouts was the processed butter sauce that it comes packaged with.  I made a delicious pork roast in the oven rubbed with salt and garlic powder.  So I ate two slices of that.  Then I still felt like I needed more and had some 90% cacao.  Oh boy.  Not horrible decisions, it's just that I could tell, I knew it was directly related to how I was feeling, not about being hungry.  In fact I felt the opposite of hungry when I came home.  Oh well.  I definitely feel like I need exercise that is more intense than my Tae Kwon Do.  I'm really sad about that.  I love the sport, but I think the dojang I'm at isn't competitive enough and doesn't workout hard enough.  I leave feeling tired... but only a little.  Just going to enjoy the rest of my wait until my vacay, do a shit-ton of work at work and get the house ready for Nathan's mom.  She's coming on November 3.  Hope you all ate better than I did and had a more intense workout than I did.  G'night!

The Truth

The Devil

I will not lie to you readers, on Saturday night I was completely unable to have just one glass of wine.  If you're trying not to drink, don't volunteer at a community event as a wine pourer.  Don't get me wrong, it was a blast.  Our costumes rocked and there was some really tasty food.  I did my best to stick to the meats, but I know that the sauces were full of everything that makes me bloated.  I'm sure there was sugar in there.  That's why I couldn't stop.  I kept going back for more- not for the turkey with no sauce, but for the meatballs and mushrooms drenched in some kind of manufactured bliss.  It was really difficult to stay away from it.  I did try some of the cheeses, I thought they would be higher quality, but they weren't.  So long story short, a good time was had, wine was drunk, meatballs were gorged upon and then I barfed all over my shower because I was too drunk to aim for the toilet.  Poor Nathan probably had a good reason to divorce me that night, it was really not pretty.
The good news:  eating healthy reduces the hangover effect.  I'm sure of it.  Normally my Sunday would have been nothing but groaning and wishing I could fall back asleep.  I wouldn't have moved from couch if I could have gotten myself there.  Not this time.  I woke up at 6:15am, cleaned out the showers- yes showers, I puked in both of them, did some dishes, caught up on this season of Fringe, and then sewed myself a dress.  I walked the dogs a few times.  I could see how the bad eating on Saturday night wanted to suck me back into the horrible cycle of empty carbs.  I woke up, considered what to eat and had a fried banana and eggs.  Doesn't sound delicious, but it was.  A cup of black coffee and some water did me for a few hours.  Then I took a quick nap and Nathan ordered a pizza and wings while I was down.  I had some of the thin crust pizza and then I had more... and I realized what was happening.  I was being sucked into the vortex of a bad eating frenzy.  Even after recognizing it I still had another piece of pizza later that evening and a few tastes of Nathan's Ben and Jerry's ice cream.  But, I didn't shame myself or beat myself over the head with guilt.  Instead I threw down some paleo-friendly snacks and food in between.  I had purple grapes, almonds, raisins and walnuts in no particular order.  For dinner I ate a huge steak and nothing else.  After I tasted Nathan's ice cream I had a bite of my 90% cacao bar and that satisfied the buds.
Like I said, this challenge is about really exploring how to make this a lifestyle change.  I don't think I was 100% effective this weekend, but I can use this as a learning experience.  Next time I am faced with a pizza I'm thinking I should take a piece and bring over a whole bunch of healthy snack to eat with it.  I know it sounds like I ate a whole bunch this weekend, and I did, but it could have been (and has been previously) much worse.  I was able to slow the demons and then halt them after a while.  Good business.  This morning I woke up feeling pretty great, walked the doggies and had eggs with ochra of all things.  (It was on sale at Safeway and is actually really good.)
This week I'm going to be pretty strict, especially as I get closer to heading home.  I want to be at my best.  I'm already feeling and looking really good.  Peace y'all.

Trial and Error

Yesterday I had a super long day.  I didn't have much time to stop and eat.  I ate with the kids in the office during their lunch time.  Then I raced over to my other school and had a couple of meetings until 4:30.  They were the kind of energy draining meetings that make me not want to work out.  Luckily Jak was at the last meeting and when I said I didn't feel like going to Tae Kwon Do she suggested walking the Lanikai Loop.  I agreed.  So I got home, had some almonds and raisins, changed and we walked the loop.  It was an okay workout, got the blood flowing, but I was just still exhausted when I got home.  I made dinner and for some reason dreamt about the chips in the fridge.  I kept feeling like I couldn't have any and it made me want them more.  Then I remembered that this challenge isn't about being super strict, it's about discovering how to make it a lifestyle.  So I stopped and thought to myself if I really wanted the chips.  I decided I did.  I had 4 chips and walked the dogs.  I really took notice of the taste of the chips and as usual, it wasn't as good as I imagined in my head.  So I stopped eating them.  They didn't really do it for me.  I think part of my problem, when super strict is that the imagined "unhealthy" food takes on this magical delicious taste and texture in my mind.  I keep thinking how wonderful it would be if I could just have a bite...   Well, mostly I know that's not true.  And when I'm not super tired I don't bother.  I have other delicious things to eat.  But when tired or under the weather, I may need to change tactics if the fantasy grows wildly.  I may need to stop and think whether or not I need to have some to stop the madness.  Last night it worked.  Monday it mostly worked, but I wasn't prepared.  I did not let the eating spiral out of control, however.  It's not that I think you shouldn't eat any snacks or carbs at all.  I know that for me, it's like crack-cocaine and I can get out of control.  I am retraining my brain to enjoy a smaller amount, in moderation.  Mostly I go without, but a planned snack is okay.

Also, I'm still deciding whether I should have a glass or two of wine tomorrow at Hallowine.  I may have a glass of wine, or my other options would be drink water all night, maybe in a fancy glass, or to have a drink like a gin and tonic.  I don't even know if that last will be available though.  What are your thoughts?  Continue to work this challenge to be about moderation?  I don't know.  I kind of like how I feel after not drinking.  Maybe I should wait until tomorrow to see how I'm feeling.  If I'm tired and stressed out I might not be able to handle just having one or two glasses, I might go totally overboard.

Day 11 of Challenge

Well, the magical quality of my challenge is long past.  The first couple of days there is usually that psyched up feeling of yeah, I'm doing something awesome!  Then there's the next couple of days where your body changes if your challenge involves any big difference in health or diet.  Then the plateau comes.  I have hit that point.  The other day I couldn't help myself and had a taste of this cake from Costco.  That was the only time I've broken form in the past 11 days.  Otherwise, I've been doing really great.  Now it's just same old, same old.  The magic is gone.  At least I don't have dreams about eating cake or cookies or milk like I used to back in January.  That was rough!  Anyone who did the original Whole 30 challenge with me in January can attest to how horrible those dreams are.  The guilt!  I don't have that anymore.  I know that if I eat something like that my life will not end.
This latest challenge, I have discovered over the last few days, is not actually about eating 100% paleo or strict anything.  It is a way for me to learn how to eat healthy and remain that way at a stable pace.  This past year I have gone from strict paleo and skinny to alcoholic binge cake eater and 140, and up and down, and up and down... and now I'm trying to even it out.  I want to learn how to eat awesome and not be an asshole.  That means that sometimes your office will have something like Boss' Day, spend a lot of money on a cake, and be offended if you don't eat some.  Usually that would result in me being an asshole and refusing any, or having a small piece, and then a bigger piece, and then a BIGGER piece and then go home and drink and snack because, what the hell, I ate bad all day anyway, didn't I?  On Monday I had a small piece of cake.  It stared at me for the rest of the day because we had a meeting in the room with the cake.  Then I had another small taste, and then... I stopped.  I went home and ate some almonds and raisins.  I made my planned steak and salad dinner.  I didn't raid the fridge for dessert, although I have some 86% chocolate in the freezer for those times that I'm feeling a little desperate.  I have maintained and I think that lesson is even more important for me this time around then losing a lot of weight because I'm eating better.  I don't want to be the yo-yo dieter.  I want to always eat awesome.  But I want to be able to have a gin and tonic or a glass of wine.  Can I have both?  I think it's probably possible.
The other thing I've noticed over the course of this challenge is that, unfortunately, it's looking like Tae Kwon Do is not enough exercise for me.  Last night I had what used to be an intense workout for me and today I'm not tired or even slightly sore.  I'm no masochist, I don't enjoy the pain post-workout, but let's be honest, I don't want to be semi-in shape.  I want to be really in shape.  I'm thinking that I am going to test for my orange belt in November, maybe test for my green belt in January.  By that time I'll definitely be done.  I might not even continue after my orange belt.  I may switch to cross fit.  I don't really want to be that guy that changes sports like they change their underwear, but the truth is I need to find the right sport that meets my standards.  It needs to be a hard, challenging workout.  It needs to keep me entertained (nothing really repetitive or boring).  I need to have some friends with me.  And I need someone (a coach) to tell me what to do.  So far I haven't found any sport that has met those standards.  I would love it if my friends wanted to do volleyball or Tae Kwon Do, or Kickboxing, but they don't.  I love Tae Kwon Do in general, but it's often not challenging enough for me and they don't compete.  Which is good, cause I don't want to get punched in the head, but at the same time, I need something to push me forward.

Up a Pound

From truhealthquest.com

So I gained a pound, no biggie.  I think that's pretty minimal considering how my weekends used to screw up any weight loss goals I ever had.  The weekends have always been a source of difficulty because there's so much time to snack!  I fought back this weekend by keeping busy- I did crossfit, then cleaned the guest bedroom, then cleaned the wine fridge to sell, made a yummy lobster dinner, watched good tv.  That was Saturday.  Sunday I walked on the beach with Nathan and my doggies, then hiked with Jak, Joanna and Gizmo, blogged a little, went to Savers to look for a Halloween costume, did some grocery shopping, donated some clothing, sewed up a Kimono and made a delicious Steak dinner with a spinach salad on the side.  In between I tried to drink a lot of water.  I still snacked a lot, but at least I had tako poke, almonds, raisins, pickles, and some other dried fruit in the fridge.  It's not a great idea to eat too much dried fruit, but seriously, what's better, satisfying my sweet tooth with some dried dates or caving in to the curly Cheetos in the fridge?  I'm sure that pound came from all the snacking- healthy or not.
Now don't get me wrong.  I need to make this clear- losing and gaining one pound is natural, your body swings back and forth one to two pounds all the time!  So I'm not concerned, I'm just updating.  Also, weight is not the best indicator of your health/fitness/body shape, it's just the easiest and most convenient.  I may have gained a pound, but I'm comfortably wearing a pair of pants today that squeezed my legs and belly a bit last week.  And yes, I wear these pants often, I'm a bit poor these days.
Just as an aside, can I comment for a moment on how freaking hilarious the Lipozene commercials are?  Apparently weight gain is "not your fault!"  It's just due to lack of exercise, poor eating habits, and sitting around all day.  These are the claims of the commercial:
• 78% of each Pound Lost is PURE BODY FAT.
• Lipozene diet pills are backed by multiple clinical studies.
• REDUCE POUNDS of Body Fat and Weight WITHOUT a
change in lifestyle
• Lipozene weight loss supplements are safe and effective

First of all, I want to know what the other 22% of each pound lost consists of.  Second, I want to know when taking care of yourself became someone else's responsibility.  Third, I can't get the voice of the lady, who says, "my husband said, Look at you!" out of my head.  I don't know, watch it for yourself.  But please, please, please do not believe a word they are saying.  There is not a drug that already exists or is going to exist that will take away all of your problems.  Any pill or fad diet that makes you lose weight depends on you continuing to buy and take whatever it is that they are selling.  When you stop taking the pills or drinking the shakes you will gain the weight back plus more.  Trust me, I've been there.  I love infomercials.

Crossfit and Paleo

I'm feeeling pretty freaking good this morning.  I've been going strong paleo for a full seven days and I'm past the initial "this is hard" whiny faze.  It's not really hard.  It's delicious.  My fridge and freezer are also better stocked, so I have something to shove in my face when my husband is eating vanilla ice cream.  I weighed in at 134 this morning.  Anybody who tries to count calories or tries to starve themselves to lose weight should really try this way of eating.  I am never hungry.  I have tons of energy.  And I don't feel guilty for eating too much steak and broccoli.  So that's my healthy eating challenge plan.
Yesterday morning I also tried Crossfit in Kailua.  It was an intro class and I'm sure it was only a taste of the craziness that Crossfit entails, and we were using the lightest weights, but I have a good soreness in the body.  Not too horrible, I can just tell which muscles I used yesterday more than others.
This morning Nathan and I walked the beach with the dogs, not too far, and Jak and I are going to hike Nuuanu Judd trail in 45 minutes.  Then off to Savers to buy a Halloween costume.
All in all I'm feeling pretty good.  I'll have to take another picture in the same outfit that's on the site.  My belly looks more tight already.  Eating grains and beans just makes me bloated, so when I knock them out of my diet, my stomach tightens up pretty fast.  That's worth it, even if I didn't lose any weight.
Hope everyone else is sticking to their 30 day challenge!  Myia has challenged herself not to eat any fast food, including french fries!  That's hard, but she's gonna do it and when the challenge is over she's gonna make another change towards a healthier diet.  Arin's been running like crazy and I can't wait to see her!  So stop being a pussy and do something for 30 days to make yourself healthier!  We can do it, so can you!