Back to Work

This week I haven't felt too much like blogging.  I had a great week last week and an awesome weekend and then Monday it was back to work.  Bleh.  I love seeing the kids and the people I work with are a lot of fun, but there is just so much about the job that I'm not a fan of.  Anything paperwork or planning or data collection related and my eyes just roll to the back of my head.  It's not too hard, it's not over my head, it's just boring.  Some people love data.  I want to cock punch those people.  Not really, I'm not mean.  But I am absolutely positive that when I have my private practice I am going to hire someone to do some of that stuff.  I will have a secretary adm. assistant someday.  The thought gets me through a lot of days.  That person will organize my files, take down dictation, and maybe do some of my scheduling.  I will meet with clients and do the thinking.
Other than work I went to Tae Kwon Do on Tuesday and tonight.  I felt myself not wanting to be there.  I can just tell that I'm ready for some changes.  The job is not going to change right away, but the exercise is.  I signed the paperwork to cancel my YMCA membership tonight.  It will now expire on the 14th, I will have to be responsible for my own exercising until the New Year and then I am joining Crossfit Kailua.  TKD was awesome for 6 months.  I might go back to it, it will be the same curriculum, but I need a change.  I hate it when exercise feels like a chore, because I know it doesn't have to.  I know that when I am doing the right sport/exercises I wake up looking forward to my workout for the day.  I look forward to learning better technique and working myself to the point of exhaustion.  TKD is not feeling like that for me right now.  I am trying to get over the feeling of guilt I have for switching again, but just because other people stick to an exercise forever doesn't mean that's what I am supposed to do.  If I died next week I'd be pissed that I didn't follow my intuition and switch to something more meaningful.  So here I go, changing it up.
On another note, today is December 1st.  It's time for me to declare my Pre-New Year's Resolution.  I always have a health/fitness goal, but this year I want to add on a spiritual one.  Here goes:
Health and fitness:  From now until New Year's I will eat my own version of modified paleo.  Which is basically paleo without being an asshole and also eating cheese and yogurt.  I am not going to set a weight loss goal, I just want my pants to fit better and to feel less bloated as the New Year rolls in.
Spiritual:  This next year I really want to pay more attention to my intuition.  I'm not going to explain why right now, let's just say I've done a lot of research and I think it's important.  So to prepare for the New Year, my Pre-New Year Resolution will be that every day until the New Year I am going to journal for at least 5 minutes every day.  Nothing special or spectacular, just my thoughts.  If things go right I will be waking up early and journaling before I start my day, but even a few quick lines before I fall asleep would suffice.  I am going to go buy a nice book tomorrow to write in.  Yes, I have composition books that I could use, but I feel like this is something more special.  I've been listening to Deepak Chopra recently and he's got me excited about spirituality.  Go figure.
So those are my resolutions and plans for the New Year, what are yours?  Feel free to leave me some answers in the comment section!

A Wedding, A Baby and a Bonfire, Part II

The Bride

The Shoes

Day 4, Wedding.  We woke up early on Friday to get our nails did with the wedding party.  I got a mani-pedi and the ladies were quite aggressive with my nails.  Two of my nails suffered cuts, but what is the price of beauty?  My nails looked fabulous.
Andrea and I then trekked to the grocery store to pick out snacks while I shivered in the freezing cold 50 degree air.  At Arin and Andrea's place I set up to create peacock feather boutonnières for the men in the family and Anna went out to correct our mismanagement of our hotel situation.  There was some tears and cursing involved but it all worked out in the end.

Arin and Dad

Arin and I set the traps for the squirrels that are taking up residence in her attic, and actually caught one!  So two hours before her wedding Arin and I covered the live trap with a towel, drove it to the park down the road and set it free in front of a wedding party and a very surprised bus driver.  This was a very productive day.
Arin and Andrea took naps, Anna and I left for the hotel to get our dresses on and returned to the house.  We got whisked away by somebody's brother and got to the venue to set up and get pretty.  It was so much fun!  We have almost no pictures from setting up and the wedding.  We drank champagne, put on makeup, did our hair and helped Arin into her dress.  I helped the photographer set up for some pics of the dress and shoes.  Andrea was in a separate room being forced into makeup.  It was pretty exciting.  When the family showed up I brought Maka, Andrea's nephew up to get his boutonniere and he was really stoked about it.  Then I brought Andrew, Alec and Dad up to get theirs.  I'm pretty sure the photographer got some good pictures of that too.

Best Wedding Ceremony Ever

Soon after one of the best wedding ceremonies I've ever witnessed began.  Family and friends all moved to the floor in front of the stage.  The lights all dimmed and on the balcony the spotlight lit up on Andrea.  The Muppets "Somebody's Getting Married" started playing and Arin met Andrea in the spotlight.  The photographer ninja rolled out of a doorway behind for a picture of the couple and then they came down to the dance floor.  Hugs were given on their way to the stage.
Marge, the officiant gave one of the best speeches I've ever heard and it was obvious that she knew the couple very well.  Wedding vows were exchanged and they were also well thought out.  I don't cry much at weddings, but I cried at this one.  It was pretty beautiful.
When all was said and done, marriage happened and then the dancing ensued.  Holy mackerel, there's not too much video of that and it's a crying shame.  There was a lot of fist pumping, foot stomping and pointing involved.  One of my best nights ever.  I laughed so hard I was crying many times that night.  We danced until they kicked us out then tried to have an after party at the Foley's place.  We attempted to bring it to the next level, but that mostly involved going back to the hotel to sleep.
Day 5, The next morning those of us who stayed in the Microtel snuck over to the Embassy where the others were holed up.  We indulged in an all-you-can-eat breakfast buffet and then headed back to the venue to help clean up.  We packed up Vandalf and another unnamed vehicle, and returned everything then went back to Arin's for a full day of relaxation.  Andrew and his girlfriend Emily had to leave, but Alec, Anna, Dad and I decided to stay over one more night, since we were having such a great time and the newlyweds made the mistake of not kicking us out yet.

Indian Orgy on the Sorry Board

That night we made hot chocolate and sat around the firepit in their backyard.  A decision was made to have an epic battle on the Sorry board.  With 8 players on one board it becomes Super Sorry, where "only 7 may enter!!"  We played til the wee hours and Alec won.
Day 6, Baby!  Elisheva Sarah was born at 6am!  We got a text from Angela that she had a baby, although at that time it had yet to be named.  (We just called her Betty.)  There was some more dancing.  We had pancakes and coffee, sat around and tried to catch more squirrels, but in the end we had to face the fact that Andrea was done with us and we had to head back to New York.  Into the car we piled after dragging Anna out of the house with us.  We left behind the very happy couple who would be headed off to New Orleans in just a few days.
Upon our return home it wasn't great, in that, it sucked pretty bad.  We stopped at the supermarked to get ingredients for Kebabs, grilled them up and waited for Mom to get home.  She did and mumbled a bit under her breath and then we escaped to bed.
Overall it was totally worth it.  What a fantastic weekend.  And this was just the first of my expeditions for the vacation! In the next installment of A Wedding, A Baby and a Bonfire, I'll tell you all about my hike to Overlook, some log rolling and then a trip to Boston!

A Wedding, A Baby and a Bonfire Part I

Where to even start?  I have been off on the East Coast for the past two weeks.  I returned on Monday evening with a slight cold and extreme exhaustion.  My travels were freaking awesome.  I don't know if I have the energy to write about it all today.  Let's get it started.
Day 1, fly out and sleep on the plane.

Aunt Nancy and Mamasita Sullivan

A White Dog

Rows of Trees Fallen Together

Day 2, land in Newark Airport, New Jersey.  My aunt Nancy picked me up from the airport at 11am Eastern Time and we started driving North where I would meet my mom.  The plan was for mi madre to take me the rest of the way after some lunch.  The drive up was good, Aunt Nancy was excited to hang out and we did some deep spiritual talking.  I was surprised how open minded she was.  It was a great start to the trip.  We met my Mom at some rest stop and Aunt Nancy pulled out the baked chicken, tomatoes, celery and baby carrots for lunch.  She had even looked up Paleo and did her best to make something I could eat.  So cute!  We had that and a banana cream pie to celebrate my mother's birthday that day.  A really mellow celebration.  We said farewell to Aunt Nancy and headed North again.  The drive with Mom was good, we listened to some Phantom of the Opera and talked all the way to the house.  We walked around our property and she showed me the damage from Hurricane Irene.  Lots of trees were down, in really creepy patterns all across the woods.

Your Roots are Showing!

Hurricane Irene did some crazy damage.  Even the Hammock tree went down.  Luckily nothing hit my parent's house.  That would have been awful.  On the positive side, Hurricane Irene gave us plenty of wood to build a new bonfire area, complete with bench seating.  We also had plenty of hot dog roasting sticks and logs to throw on the fire.

Day 3, I took a walk while Mom and Dad were at work.  I got up early to  tool around the neighborhood since I haven't been there in so long.  Last time I was in the area I had no time to myself, so I relished the alone time.  I walked to the field next to our property, then walked down Mrs Franks road to check out the area that I spent most of my time in the mornings waiting for the school bus.  It was great to be there.  I also had an AHA moment when I realized that the small stream that travels under Franks Road is the one that appears in my dreams sometimes.  Interesting.  I continued walking left on Phillips towards the Cow Lady.  I was a little worried that she might still have goats and that I would have to run to avoid their nasty bites.  (Not that I ever got bit, but they were gross and I'm sure they would tear out my flesh if they got their teeth on me.)  No goats or cows at the Cow Lady's place.  In fact, I think the Cow Lady is no longer at the Cow Lady's.  A moment later Anna and Alec arrived in Anna's car and I jumped in the back for a ride home.  There we packed, tried on dresses and waited for Dad to arrive.  When he did we stuffed the car and headed for Philly.  I texted my Mom to let her know our locale and mentally moved on to my next activity: Project Wedding.

Anna in the Window Sleeper at the Microtel

We got to our hotel, which sadly I have no pictures of.  It was a Microtel.  It had two huge beds and mirrors all over the place.  A bit creepy, but all we needed was a place to rest our domes after the drinking and dancing that was about to ensue.  So we checked in, put on our rehearsal dinner gear and headed off again, this time to Arin's neighbor's, the Foley's home. This is where the rehearsal dinner party was happening, apparently there was also some actual rehearsing happening at the venue.  Arin and Andrea came later.  I have to say that Arin's friends are pretty awesome.  She has built quite the family.  I'm glad that she has surrounded herself with a group of people that cares so much about her.  

We quit that party around 11pm and headed back to the Microtel for our beauty sleep.

Day 4, Wedding.  I'm gonna save this post for later, cause there's way too much to write at this present moment.  Maybe later tonight.  So far, 4 days in and sooo much fun was had!

Eating Healthy is the First to Go

So I have been having a really hard time the past few days.  It doesn't matter that I'm going back East to have a fabulously fun time, it's always stressful to get ready for a long vacation.  Especially since Nathan isn't going with me.  I'm not packed yet.  I just bought dresses for the wedding.  I'm finishing my paperwork here at work and there is way more than I'd like to admit to get done here still.  When I get stressed I get hypersensitive.  So when my friends came to help me find dresses at Ross yesterday instead of being able to enjoy the time, although it did end up being quite fruitful, I was snippy and grumpy.  When I get stressed I want everyone to just go away so I can sit by myself and pull myself back together.  But I can't do that right now.  I left myself too much to do, and Nathan's mother is visiting from New York.  I may head off to the library or something before I head home so I can just have a moment or two of alone time.  I don't need much.  But I haven't been by myself in a while.  I need that.  Of course tomorrow evening I'm going to get plenty of alone time.  I'm going to be sitting by myself in the airport for two hours and then flying by myself for 11 more.  After that I'm not sure if I'm going to have any time to relax, I think pretty much from when I land I'm going to be all over the place, trying to fit a bazillion things into two weeks of vacation time.
I hate to admit it, but my eating has been shit.  I have been stuffing bread down my throat and drinking wine at night.  On Saturday we went to the Polynesian Cultural Center, which was pretty great.  The shows were good at each island "station" and then we did a buffet dinner and "Ha, Breath of Life" the show.  So in the morning I ate well, my eggs as usual, but then we got to PCC and the only semi-foodlike thing to eat was chili nachos or a chili hot dog.  So I just ate the chili hot dog and enjoyed it.  I also had some shave ice, which is a tooooon of sugar.  Then, of course, the buffet was painfully bad for me.  I did my best in the beginning to line my plate with the prime rib, the crab legs, the eggplant, the fish and chicken.  There were also lots of sauted vegetables.  The thing is that most of the meat was breaded and fried and the sauces were all full of sugar.  And that just sends me into a tailspin.  This ended with 2 slices of oreo cheesecake among other tasty desserts.  Keep in mind, the food was DELICIOUS.  Then yesterday, breakfast and lunch were good, but dinner was sloppy joes with this delicious bread from this fabulous bread store down the street.  How am I going to argue when someone else is cooking for me?  My motivation and self-control have been non-existent.  At least I went hiking yesterday.
Anyway, those are my complaints.  All in all, not so bad.  I've got a pretty great life.  It just sometimes feels overwhelming, even though eating a great deal of food is not really a problem in many people's books.  I am lucky and grateful that I have my mother-in-law out here buying us food and cooking for us.

The good news is I got two fabulous dresses, I've got a list here next to me of all the things I need to pack so when I go home it shouldn't take too long and my Ipod is full of good music and two audio books.  I don't know what movies are going to be happening on the plane, but hopefully I can sleep through them and be ready to rock and roll when I get to New Jersey Wednesday morning.  I will be in charge of making food for myself in the next few weeks and I am going to be very selective about what I buy.  Lots of bacon, hopefully.

Trial and Error

Yesterday I had a super long day.  I didn't have much time to stop and eat.  I ate with the kids in the office during their lunch time.  Then I raced over to my other school and had a couple of meetings until 4:30.  They were the kind of energy draining meetings that make me not want to work out.  Luckily Jak was at the last meeting and when I said I didn't feel like going to Tae Kwon Do she suggested walking the Lanikai Loop.  I agreed.  So I got home, had some almonds and raisins, changed and we walked the loop.  It was an okay workout, got the blood flowing, but I was just still exhausted when I got home.  I made dinner and for some reason dreamt about the chips in the fridge.  I kept feeling like I couldn't have any and it made me want them more.  Then I remembered that this challenge isn't about being super strict, it's about discovering how to make it a lifestyle.  So I stopped and thought to myself if I really wanted the chips.  I decided I did.  I had 4 chips and walked the dogs.  I really took notice of the taste of the chips and as usual, it wasn't as good as I imagined in my head.  So I stopped eating them.  They didn't really do it for me.  I think part of my problem, when super strict is that the imagined "unhealthy" food takes on this magical delicious taste and texture in my mind.  I keep thinking how wonderful it would be if I could just have a bite...   Well, mostly I know that's not true.  And when I'm not super tired I don't bother.  I have other delicious things to eat.  But when tired or under the weather, I may need to change tactics if the fantasy grows wildly.  I may need to stop and think whether or not I need to have some to stop the madness.  Last night it worked.  Monday it mostly worked, but I wasn't prepared.  I did not let the eating spiral out of control, however.  It's not that I think you shouldn't eat any snacks or carbs at all.  I know that for me, it's like crack-cocaine and I can get out of control.  I am retraining my brain to enjoy a smaller amount, in moderation.  Mostly I go without, but a planned snack is okay.

Also, I'm still deciding whether I should have a glass or two of wine tomorrow at Hallowine.  I may have a glass of wine, or my other options would be drink water all night, maybe in a fancy glass, or to have a drink like a gin and tonic.  I don't even know if that last will be available though.  What are your thoughts?  Continue to work this challenge to be about moderation?  I don't know.  I kind of like how I feel after not drinking.  Maybe I should wait until tomorrow to see how I'm feeling.  If I'm tired and stressed out I might not be able to handle just having one or two glasses, I might go totally overboard.

Day 11 of Challenge

Well, the magical quality of my challenge is long past.  The first couple of days there is usually that psyched up feeling of yeah, I'm doing something awesome!  Then there's the next couple of days where your body changes if your challenge involves any big difference in health or diet.  Then the plateau comes.  I have hit that point.  The other day I couldn't help myself and had a taste of this cake from Costco.  That was the only time I've broken form in the past 11 days.  Otherwise, I've been doing really great.  Now it's just same old, same old.  The magic is gone.  At least I don't have dreams about eating cake or cookies or milk like I used to back in January.  That was rough!  Anyone who did the original Whole 30 challenge with me in January can attest to how horrible those dreams are.  The guilt!  I don't have that anymore.  I know that if I eat something like that my life will not end.
This latest challenge, I have discovered over the last few days, is not actually about eating 100% paleo or strict anything.  It is a way for me to learn how to eat healthy and remain that way at a stable pace.  This past year I have gone from strict paleo and skinny to alcoholic binge cake eater and 140, and up and down, and up and down... and now I'm trying to even it out.  I want to learn how to eat awesome and not be an asshole.  That means that sometimes your office will have something like Boss' Day, spend a lot of money on a cake, and be offended if you don't eat some.  Usually that would result in me being an asshole and refusing any, or having a small piece, and then a bigger piece, and then a BIGGER piece and then go home and drink and snack because, what the hell, I ate bad all day anyway, didn't I?  On Monday I had a small piece of cake.  It stared at me for the rest of the day because we had a meeting in the room with the cake.  Then I had another small taste, and then... I stopped.  I went home and ate some almonds and raisins.  I made my planned steak and salad dinner.  I didn't raid the fridge for dessert, although I have some 86% chocolate in the freezer for those times that I'm feeling a little desperate.  I have maintained and I think that lesson is even more important for me this time around then losing a lot of weight because I'm eating better.  I don't want to be the yo-yo dieter.  I want to always eat awesome.  But I want to be able to have a gin and tonic or a glass of wine.  Can I have both?  I think it's probably possible.
The other thing I've noticed over the course of this challenge is that, unfortunately, it's looking like Tae Kwon Do is not enough exercise for me.  Last night I had what used to be an intense workout for me and today I'm not tired or even slightly sore.  I'm no masochist, I don't enjoy the pain post-workout, but let's be honest, I don't want to be semi-in shape.  I want to be really in shape.  I'm thinking that I am going to test for my orange belt in November, maybe test for my green belt in January.  By that time I'll definitely be done.  I might not even continue after my orange belt.  I may switch to cross fit.  I don't really want to be that guy that changes sports like they change their underwear, but the truth is I need to find the right sport that meets my standards.  It needs to be a hard, challenging workout.  It needs to keep me entertained (nothing really repetitive or boring).  I need to have some friends with me.  And I need someone (a coach) to tell me what to do.  So far I haven't found any sport that has met those standards.  I would love it if my friends wanted to do volleyball or Tae Kwon Do, or Kickboxing, but they don't.  I love Tae Kwon Do in general, but it's often not challenging enough for me and they don't compete.  Which is good, cause I don't want to get punched in the head, but at the same time, I need something to push me forward.

I am Freaking Awesome

From picturesof.net

I got home from work yesterday and I was so exhausted that all I wanted to do was take a nap.  I still made a burger and fries for Nathan and a burger- no bun with pickle and onions for myself.  I opted not to go to Tae Kwon Do.  I hate doing that.  It's only twice a week, but I was really, really tired.  I watched TV, snacked on some sunflower seeds and dried prunes (seriously, don't knock it til you've tried it), drank a lot of water and went to bed early.  This morning I slept in a little later than normal and took my time getting ready for the day.  I took a few sick hours so I can pull myself together and be ready for the three back to back meetings I have in a little bit.  What a good idea.  I'm a genius.  I had my cup of coffee and my eggs with sausage and now I'm feeling really good.  I could have done what most people do- suck it up and go to TKD and go to work on time instead of taking care of themselves.  I could have gone to TKD and been really off.  I could have gone to work on time, but I wouldn't have felt like talking to anybody or been able to concentrate on paperwork.  I was really tired.  But now I'm getting ready to go and I'm feeling energized.  The people that I meet with later are going to get way more energy, motivation and effective feedback from me because I took a little time for myself.  Our world is a little backwards when it comes to the job force.  We are encouraged to watch the clock, punch in and out at exact times, we are not given reinforcement for doing a good job.  I certainly don't get any incentives for any of the awesome stuff I do.  I've decided over the past year that it's my life and I am going to steer it in the direction I want it to go.  If for some ungodly reason I got let go for taking sick hours for self-care instead of being vomitous or snotty, then they will just be kicking themselves in the asses again anyway.  Cause I do a good job.  And when I take care of myself, I do a better job.  Anyway, just another aspect of health that sometimes we forget about.  Exercise is important.  Eating healthy is important.  Taking care of yourself mentally is also very, very important.
Oh, and I lost another pound, even though I didn't go to my hard core exercise class last night.

It's too early

Woke up super early this morning cause of cramps.  Hope the day goes okay even though I didn't sleep very well.  Writing because being tired is one of my easy excuses to eat terribly.  Too tired to prepare lunch, prepare good breakfast, prepare good dinner.  Tired so I feel like snacking to make myself feel better.  Not gonna do that today.  I'm at one of my schools today, so I'm going to have to make sure I get out and walking around to give myself some energy, instead of slumping in front of my computer.  That's the plan, we'll see how it goes!