Two Days of Horrible Choices...

From Gokill.com

... And I liked it.  It tasted really good.  Halloween wasn't necessarily the problem.  It was the cookies that were on sale because they were orange Halloween cookies.  They hit my weak spot.  I ate almost a whole container of them.  That's a lot of calories.  Not that I'm counting calories these days, but dayum.  Then I spiraled and ate shit tons of the candy we bought just in case we had a trick or treater.  We didn't.  But we still have candy.  It's a good thing.  I wanted to eat it all.  I get this obsessive need to continue to eat.  I think it's the crack, er, I mean sugar in them.  There were chocolate chips and peanut butter... oh my god, I'm kind of drooling now.  Anyway, I spiraled int over eating and like a true addict I haven't written on my blog because I wanted to be alone with my guilt.  If I wrote about it, I'd have to stop and I didn't want to.  I wanted to stuff my gullet with sugar.  I had an amazing sugar hangover the next morning, which led to my addict thinking- maybe some bread and sugar, or maybe some wine will make me feel better.  Hmmm, I've never tried that before.  Lo and behold, no, more sugar and bread and wine did not make me feel better.  It truly makes me wonder what's in those god damn things.  I am a rational human being.  I make good decisions about my health.  I work out, I eat my vegetables, just like my mommy told me to.  So why is it that I turn into a crack fiend with just a sniff of peanut butter cookies?  Oh well, I'm human.  I'm fessing up to my weaknesses.  It's embarrassing, but true, my kryptonite is a dozen peanut butter cookies.
On another happier note, my Tae Kwon Do is moving smoothly and I will be testing for my orange belt tomorrow, woohoo!  They are letting me test early since I'll be on vacation on the regular testing date.  These guys really rock.  I did a pretest preparation yesterday, got some pointers and should pass with flying colors tomorrow.  I have a few things I have to memorize and I need to remember to do an elbow strike with all of my moves.  I've gotten lazy elbow.  I wish it didn't cost 105 bucks.  But that's martial arts.  It's the cost of the test, the belt and the videos for the next level.  The videos are a great investment.  Even if I don't continue with TKD, I'll always have the videos so I can review the moves.  And if I rejoin I can watch them to remember all my moves so I won't be totally embarrassed.  It was a great workout last night, my arms are still sore.  That's the kind of workout that I love.  I wish every TKD session was like that.  I would stay for sure.
I am going to go make dinner now, I think I can salvage the damage I did over the last couple of days.  I have lots of healthy food since we just got paid recently.  We have steak, broccoli, cauliflower, more beef, and lots of other stuff in the freezer.  I'll see if I can avoid the cookies.  Whatever is left is going to my school tomorrow, the office ladies can eat them.

The Truth

The Devil

I will not lie to you readers, on Saturday night I was completely unable to have just one glass of wine.  If you're trying not to drink, don't volunteer at a community event as a wine pourer.  Don't get me wrong, it was a blast.  Our costumes rocked and there was some really tasty food.  I did my best to stick to the meats, but I know that the sauces were full of everything that makes me bloated.  I'm sure there was sugar in there.  That's why I couldn't stop.  I kept going back for more- not for the turkey with no sauce, but for the meatballs and mushrooms drenched in some kind of manufactured bliss.  It was really difficult to stay away from it.  I did try some of the cheeses, I thought they would be higher quality, but they weren't.  So long story short, a good time was had, wine was drunk, meatballs were gorged upon and then I barfed all over my shower because I was too drunk to aim for the toilet.  Poor Nathan probably had a good reason to divorce me that night, it was really not pretty.
The good news:  eating healthy reduces the hangover effect.  I'm sure of it.  Normally my Sunday would have been nothing but groaning and wishing I could fall back asleep.  I wouldn't have moved from couch if I could have gotten myself there.  Not this time.  I woke up at 6:15am, cleaned out the showers- yes showers, I puked in both of them, did some dishes, caught up on this season of Fringe, and then sewed myself a dress.  I walked the dogs a few times.  I could see how the bad eating on Saturday night wanted to suck me back into the horrible cycle of empty carbs.  I woke up, considered what to eat and had a fried banana and eggs.  Doesn't sound delicious, but it was.  A cup of black coffee and some water did me for a few hours.  Then I took a quick nap and Nathan ordered a pizza and wings while I was down.  I had some of the thin crust pizza and then I had more... and I realized what was happening.  I was being sucked into the vortex of a bad eating frenzy.  Even after recognizing it I still had another piece of pizza later that evening and a few tastes of Nathan's Ben and Jerry's ice cream.  But, I didn't shame myself or beat myself over the head with guilt.  Instead I threw down some paleo-friendly snacks and food in between.  I had purple grapes, almonds, raisins and walnuts in no particular order.  For dinner I ate a huge steak and nothing else.  After I tasted Nathan's ice cream I had a bite of my 90% cacao bar and that satisfied the buds.
Like I said, this challenge is about really exploring how to make this a lifestyle change.  I don't think I was 100% effective this weekend, but I can use this as a learning experience.  Next time I am faced with a pizza I'm thinking I should take a piece and bring over a whole bunch of healthy snack to eat with it.  I know it sounds like I ate a whole bunch this weekend, and I did, but it could have been (and has been previously) much worse.  I was able to slow the demons and then halt them after a while.  Good business.  This morning I woke up feeling pretty great, walked the doggies and had eggs with ochra of all things.  (It was on sale at Safeway and is actually really good.)
This week I'm going to be pretty strict, especially as I get closer to heading home.  I want to be at my best.  I'm already feeling and looking really good.  Peace y'all.

Trial and Error

Yesterday I had a super long day.  I didn't have much time to stop and eat.  I ate with the kids in the office during their lunch time.  Then I raced over to my other school and had a couple of meetings until 4:30.  They were the kind of energy draining meetings that make me not want to work out.  Luckily Jak was at the last meeting and when I said I didn't feel like going to Tae Kwon Do she suggested walking the Lanikai Loop.  I agreed.  So I got home, had some almonds and raisins, changed and we walked the loop.  It was an okay workout, got the blood flowing, but I was just still exhausted when I got home.  I made dinner and for some reason dreamt about the chips in the fridge.  I kept feeling like I couldn't have any and it made me want them more.  Then I remembered that this challenge isn't about being super strict, it's about discovering how to make it a lifestyle.  So I stopped and thought to myself if I really wanted the chips.  I decided I did.  I had 4 chips and walked the dogs.  I really took notice of the taste of the chips and as usual, it wasn't as good as I imagined in my head.  So I stopped eating them.  They didn't really do it for me.  I think part of my problem, when super strict is that the imagined "unhealthy" food takes on this magical delicious taste and texture in my mind.  I keep thinking how wonderful it would be if I could just have a bite...   Well, mostly I know that's not true.  And when I'm not super tired I don't bother.  I have other delicious things to eat.  But when tired or under the weather, I may need to change tactics if the fantasy grows wildly.  I may need to stop and think whether or not I need to have some to stop the madness.  Last night it worked.  Monday it mostly worked, but I wasn't prepared.  I did not let the eating spiral out of control, however.  It's not that I think you shouldn't eat any snacks or carbs at all.  I know that for me, it's like crack-cocaine and I can get out of control.  I am retraining my brain to enjoy a smaller amount, in moderation.  Mostly I go without, but a planned snack is okay.

Also, I'm still deciding whether I should have a glass or two of wine tomorrow at Hallowine.  I may have a glass of wine, or my other options would be drink water all night, maybe in a fancy glass, or to have a drink like a gin and tonic.  I don't even know if that last will be available though.  What are your thoughts?  Continue to work this challenge to be about moderation?  I don't know.  I kind of like how I feel after not drinking.  Maybe I should wait until tomorrow to see how I'm feeling.  If I'm tired and stressed out I might not be able to handle just having one or two glasses, I might go totally overboard.

Crossfit and Paleo

I'm feeeling pretty freaking good this morning.  I've been going strong paleo for a full seven days and I'm past the initial "this is hard" whiny faze.  It's not really hard.  It's delicious.  My fridge and freezer are also better stocked, so I have something to shove in my face when my husband is eating vanilla ice cream.  I weighed in at 134 this morning.  Anybody who tries to count calories or tries to starve themselves to lose weight should really try this way of eating.  I am never hungry.  I have tons of energy.  And I don't feel guilty for eating too much steak and broccoli.  So that's my healthy eating challenge plan.
Yesterday morning I also tried Crossfit in Kailua.  It was an intro class and I'm sure it was only a taste of the craziness that Crossfit entails, and we were using the lightest weights, but I have a good soreness in the body.  Not too horrible, I can just tell which muscles I used yesterday more than others.
This morning Nathan and I walked the beach with the dogs, not too far, and Jak and I are going to hike Nuuanu Judd trail in 45 minutes.  Then off to Savers to buy a Halloween costume.
All in all I'm feeling pretty good.  I'll have to take another picture in the same outfit that's on the site.  My belly looks more tight already.  Eating grains and beans just makes me bloated, so when I knock them out of my diet, my stomach tightens up pretty fast.  That's worth it, even if I didn't lose any weight.
Hope everyone else is sticking to their 30 day challenge!  Myia has challenged herself not to eat any fast food, including french fries!  That's hard, but she's gonna do it and when the challenge is over she's gonna make another change towards a healthier diet.  Arin's been running like crazy and I can't wait to see her!  So stop being a pussy and do something for 30 days to make yourself healthier!  We can do it, so can you!

Quick Lunch Break Blog

So, today is my birthday. I did not lose the weight that I had been hoping. I know this is because I didn't really make the weight loss a priority. I allowed myself to eat junk and often. I continue to make myself lunch and have stayed consistent for breakfast. It's still that point of time between work and paddling- and then dinner and dessert. I eat a lot of calories at those times. I have consistently been tracking my calories. I got off track for a few days this week, but went back and filled in the calorie counts. I'm sure it's not as accurate as when you fill it out the same day, but this is the most consistent I have been with calorie tracking ever. I have been known to give up very quickly. I like my training log and how simple it is.
For my birthday I asked Nate for running shoes, and he got me a good pair. I also got a few pairs of really great fit-dry running shirts and shorts. I should have splurged for a bra. I will probably do that with some of my birthday money. I am going to put together a birthday hike instead of a birthday party. That way even if I eat a ton of cake, it won't matter quite as much. I'm not sure which hike I want to go on yet. I'll have to look a few up and see what looks best.
Goal for this week-
Drop back down to 138 (from 140)
Run two times in the morning.
Schedule- Tonight- paddling, Thursday- running (early morning or afternoon), Friday- paddling, Saturday- no workout, Sunday- OHCRA Championships!, Monday- paddling and running after practice, Tuesday- running (early morning or afternoon)

It's been a while

So paddling season is in full swing, which means that I don't have time for anything else, including blogging. That's why it has been so long. The season has been good, there have been some frustrating times, but all in all I feel like our team is really pulling together. We have come in second 2 times and then we came in 4th place in Kailua. We came in 3rd in Nanakuli, but that race won't count towards States points. It's been challenging, and it's been rewarding. I have sat seat 1 in 3 of our races. Because we have a different coach this year, it took us a while to get used to his coaching style. It was a lot of technique work in the beginning, which seemed really slow and boring, but in the long run it has paid off. We look pretty good anyway. I have taken to running on the beach after practice with whoever will go with me, usually Keysa, Joanna, Amber and Karen. Ananda ran a few times, but it gets really late. It's something I wish I had started doing a long time ago, running barefoot on the beach at night is freaking awesome. It's so nice and cool and somehow there is plenty of light out there to see where you're going. The best has been the few occasions when there has been a full or nearly full moon and you get a full on shadow it's so bright.
My weight goal had been to lose 5 pounds in 5 weeks, but I couldn't get my eating under control to lose the weight. It has taken me about 8 weeks to lose 3 pounds, but I guess that's not terrible. The running definitely helps me since for some reason paddling isn't enough of a cardio workout most of the time. We've been doing more sprinting recently, but it's not anywhere near the level we were doing last year.
So I want to lose those last 2 pounds by my birthday (July 16th if anyone wants to send a gift). Regatta season goes until the first weekend in August. I will try to start running more in the meantime, but when I start running again after paddling I should be able to drop a few more pounds. I would like to lose a few before the half-marathon on September 14.
I have been doing an excellent job drinking a lot of water. I have been taking my big water bottle everywhere with me and I empty it before practice and then I usually drink a ton of water during and after practice. I'm going to continue on that track.
I created a training log for myself on an excel spreadsheet that counts my paddling workouts, my runs, calculates my pace per mile and has an area for counting calories. I set it up to average everything out per month. I'm not going to worry too much about being exact on my calories, but I am going to make sure that I go back and think about the day and try to get everything on there including when I snag a couple of crackers or have a handful of chips. The other day I was very proud of myself, I avoided some emotional eating and wrote to my friends instead. The log is better for me than most I have seen that get really complicated about where you have run and what pair of shoes you were wearing and your measurements and everything. If I ever get into some more weight training or something else that I want to measure I will add it in. If anyone wants to check out my log just comment with your email address and I'll send over my template.
I also just discovered a fantastic free journal/log for both calculating how much calories you're eating and it will compare your intake with your calories burned from activities. I encourage everyone to check it out at http://my-calorie-counter.everydayhealth.com It is very easy to use if you're looking for a log.
Okay, so my new goals:
1. Add entries into the training log every day. Figure out from the log where I am taking in the most calories and where I need to change.
Next week I should have an idea where I need to cut the calories in order to drop a few pounds.
2. Run twice this week.