I'm a quitter.

I’m a quitter.

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted here.  I think from now on, if I post, it probably won’t be often.  My life as it is currently isn’t going to be as interesting to anyone who found previous posts interesting.  There will be no more posts about losing weight, since I stopped weighing myself over a year ago.  There will be no more dieting posts, or counting calories posts, since I quit dieting a year ago as well.  The truth is, I decided to take my health and my life, much more seriously.

Did I post when I was counting calories and losing weight for my wedding that I also was losing my hair?  That was the first sign to me that something needed to change.  My hair was never exactly full, but it had never fallen out before.  At that point in my life, I thought I was so healthy.  I was running several miles almost every day of the week, I was restricting my calories to about 1200 a day, I was consuming low-fat, low-calorie foods.  I was making sure to eat breakfast, the most important meal of the day, and I was eating 6 small servings instead of 3 big ones.  I had tons of recipes on how to make chicken breast taste good without adding any calories or fat.  I had a drawer full of low-calorie snack bars to take with me just in case I was starving.  

I had headaches all of the time.  I blamed it on the sun, on too much coffee, on too little coffee, on job stress.  I wasn’t sleeping very well.  Almost every day, driving home from work, my stomach would hurt, it would be pressing against my pants.  I felt gassy and bloated, even though by the time I was driving home I had probably only eaten 700 calories.  

Worst of all, I was depressed and anxious.  I was worried about my job, money, my husband, my dog, my family back home.  So I cried a lot.  

Funny, I didn’t sit down to list all of these side effects.  I was just going to say that my hair was falling out, and I’ve made changes to my life in response, but then I started to remember the rest.  Healthiest in my life?  Nah.  I was skinny.  That’s about it.

Is it any wonder that nobody wants to “eat healthy?”

You may have read in previous blogs about how doing a whole30 challenge changed my life.  Very briefly, it is a 30 day challenge in which you remove from your diet a bunch of different types of foods.  I had accepted just because it was a challenge, and hell, I can do anything for 30 days.  I am glad I just accepted because I didn’t read about it first.  If I had, I would have declined.  It sounded so unhealthy.  Some of the rules made sense, like cutting out sugar (I could see how sugar can make you unhealthy), but among the “healthy” foods that I would be cutting out of my diet included: peanut butter, whole grains (all grains!), oatmeal, quinoa, milk and cheese, beans, corn, peas, soy,  anything processed and sugar substitutes.  The first question that everybody asks is “what can you eat?”

Turns out that there is a lot of food out there.  There is a lot of healthy food that I had to find.  I had to fight some major misconceptions and beliefs that I held about food.   

Here’s just a few:

• “Fat is bad!” Truth: There are good fats and I was probably starving my brain by avoiding all of them.  I began adding them to my life.  Avocado, coconut oil, olive oil, nuts, fat from pastured beef, chicken and pork.
• “You need to drink milk for the Calcium!” Truth: You get a ton of calcium from vegetables.  Most people just don’t eat enough of them.  But you certainly don’t need to drink milk if you are going to be eating your leafy greens.
• “You should replace most of your food with “healthier” versions like low-fat mayonaisse and sugar and calorie-free cookies and “lean cuisines.”  Truth: The real thing is going to kill you a lot slower than the low-calorie versions.  What the hell is even in a sugar-free, low-calorie cookie?  I am astounded now when I read labels.  If you do nothing else, start reading labels.  And if you’re going to eat a cookie, eat a real cookie.  With flour and sugar and salt and stuff not laboratory created.  That low-fat cracker is poison.
• “A calorie is a calorie.”  Doesn’t matter if it comes from a banana or from the sole of your shoe, they are the same thing.  How do we even allow ourselves to believe this?  Do we really believe that our body digests and uses a brownie exactly the same as it uses broccoli?  I mean, we are not stupid.  If you give a child a helicopter puzzle and tell them to create a giraffe out of it, they will look at you (rightly) like you are crazy.  Why then are we asking our bodies to do the very same thing?  Take that sugar and flour and make lean muscle mass and create blood and fat and all of the vitamins and minerals that your eyes and ears and brain need.  Try to make it out of that lean cuisine.  Try to make it out of that diet soda.  

These are just a few.  I’m sure you can find a better list somewhere else, these were the big ones for me.  

And so, I gradually became a quitter.  For 30 days I got rid of soy, alcohol, dairy, grains, sugar, processed foods and felt awesome.  After the challenge I inevitably added most of that back, because factory processed foods is so delicious.  I wasn’t ready to say no when offered donuts.  I went through several phases of guilt-ridden “binges” where I ate tons of crappy food and felt bad about it, then went back to “healthy” eating.  I didn’t realize quite yet that I was dealing with addictions, not motivation problems.  I didn’t realize that every time I quit alcohol or bread it was practice for the next time.  I made many, many mistakes.  Then in December 2013, this last year I was drinking a lot.  Maybe not very much compared to other people, but for me, it was a lot.  My husband had quit drinking years ago when his mother got a liver transplant and he never went back.  So I was drinking by myself.  And not just a glass of wine to relieve the stress or offer my heart some healthy resveratrol, but a couple of glasses.  Or a couple of tequila or gin drinks.  By myself.  And then, there I would be at 8pm.  Drunk.  Watching tv or playing on the computer.  I didn’t want to live that way, I didn’t like it.  I was going to quit drinking for the New Year.  I asked myself if I was ready.  The surprising answer was “no.”  So I listened to myself.  I decided I would wait until it actually felt right.

On January 4th it did.  I stopped drinking.  It was strange.  I’ve quit drinking many times in the last couple of years.  It might not have the same effect on you, but I easily get hangovers, and when I’m drinking I eat tons of crap.  It makes me feel bloated and nauseous and tired.  I don’t sleep well.  In fact, after drinking I would fall asleep fast, but wake up at 3am in a feverish sweat.  With the air conditioner on I would be so freaking hot.  For all of these reasons I quit.

And this time, I was ready.  I can honestly say I don’t want to drink anymore.  That’s not to say that someday something will change that, I don’t know, my life has changed so many times.  This is right for me right now.  

This blog is about the things I’ve quit.  

• I’ve quit soy (that was easy, except for soy sauce.)
• I’ve quit drinking alcohol.
• I’ve quit running or doing any distance cardio (paddling, jogging, bike rides).  Your body might be able to.  Mine was screaming for me to stop.
• I’ve quit sugar substitutes.  Which, I figured out later, was the reason for my headaches.
• I’ve quit peanut butter.
• I’ve quit weighing myself.  I seriously have no idea what I weigh right now, and it is immensely freeing.
• I’ve quit judging myself by the size of my waist.  It might sound conceited, but I am a good-looking lady.  It’s stupid to spend my time shaming myself about some muffin top over my usual jeans when my stomach is in a bigger phase.  You know who cares about that?  No one.  Or stupid, judgmental people.  They are not my friends anyway.  Why was I trying to impress them in the first place?
• I’ve quit eating meat and eggs from unethical sources.  I’m doing my best with this one.  I’m sure there’s someone out there who thinks they know my body better than me and will tell me I can live without meat.  Sure.  If I want to feel sick all of the time.  I’ve tried it.  So I have pledged to get my meat from local farms, the farmer’s market or Whole Foods, which, at least out here, tells you where it’s sourced from.  I can’t pretend like I don’t know what’s going on at mass producing CAFO farms.  I can’t unsee the images.

On my list to quit for good:

• Bread.  (Including cookies, donuts, all flour) Turns out that this is way harder than quitting drinking.  If you tell someone that you’ve quit drinking, I think they assume you have some kind of alcoholism that has destroyed some part of your life, so they don’t bother you too much.  But if you turn down a donut or a cookie, it’s like you’ve slapped them right across the face.  The reactions that you get from people are astounding.  “Just one, it won’t hurt you, but it’s so good!”  I have literally had to lie to people at work and tell them that I am grain and dairy intolerant.  I have to tell them that I am allergic and that it will make me sick.  Even though I’ve just told them that it will make me sick or possibly kill me, they will continue to offer.  Or they will give me this sad look that says how sorry they are for me.  Quitting bread is HARD.
• Dairy.  It’s on my list, but not high priority right now.  My biggest problem is that it gives me acne on my chest.  It’s annoying, but so far not annoying enough that I have stopped.  Some day, maybe.
• Judging myself for eating bread and dairy.  Nobody is perfect.  I am still stuck in the cycle of shame that comes every time I “break down” and eat bread of some kind of fried food.  I’m working on it.

And to those people who say “everything in moderation,” screw that.  I don’t enjoy hangovers in moderation.  I don’t like headaches in moderation.  I don’t want to feel bloated and gassy or depressed or anxious in moderation.  I would still prefer to eat a cookie if I want a cookie, but that doesn’t mean my long-term goal isn’t to quit.  I know that I’m not ready yet.  Some day I hope to be. This blog isn’t about you.  However you want to eat or drink or exercise to be healthy!  Awesome! Doing something, anything is better than nothing.  I have just moved past wanting to be skinny.  I don’t want to be skinny and unhealthy.  I want to be curvy and clear-headed and happy.

Is there anything in life you would like to quit? Share your story here!

Paleo Plantain Chips for Your Superbowl Party

Martha Stewart's Plantain Chips

The Superbowl is one of the hardest days of the year to stay 100% paleo.  Superbowl snacks are breaded and fried, cheesy, beany dips and chips and crunchies.  Well, have no fear!  I finally found a chip that would stand up to the crunch and saltiness of real potato chips!!  

I made plantain chips yesterday. I wish I had taken the time to look up how to make them a long time ago, since they ended up being so much easier than I thought they would be.  They also ended up being as crunchy as the ones I buy from the store.  The ones from the store are good in a pinch, I get mine from Whole Foods, but they are fried in canola oil.  I don't have any pictures of the chips I made to show you today, because I ate them as they were coming out of the oven to "test their doneness" and then I promptly ate the rest with regular old salsa because I was so excited about how crunchy and yummy they were.  The recipe I tweaked was Martha Stewart's Baked Plantain Chips.  I don't use vegetable oil anymore, so I substituted olive oil in.  My chips actually came out looking a lot like the picture except for the shape.  Some of mine came out in that nice long cut, but a lot of mine came out in a wonky circle-ish type of shape.  I probably just need more practice with the mandolin.

Ingredients:
2-3 Tbs of Olive Oil or Coconut Oil
2 Green Plantains (one of mine was starting to ripen and it was much harder to slice and took longer to bake)  Apparently you can also use green bananas, but I cannot attest to this.  I have not tried it.
Salt
Optional seasonings- whatever flavors you love on chips.  Some ideas might include garlic powder, onion powder, pepper, cayenne powder.

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.  (Optional- preheat to 350 and cook longer, I am going to try that next time)  Use a knife to peel your plantain.  Pour oil and seasonings into a bowl and stir a little.  Use a mandolin or a sharp knife to make very thin slices (the thinnest setting is maybe too thin.  It worked, but burnt around the edges easily.  Maybe go one setting up.)  of your plantain on an angle and toss them into the bowl with the oil.  I used my hands to toss then around and then spread them around on a cookie sheet.  I like to cover my sheet with aluminum foil first, but if you have parchment paper that is probably a healthier option.  They do crisp up and stick slightly to the bottom, so it's nice to be able to pull the sheet off the chip instead of trying to scrape the chip off of the pan.  My chips were very thin and only took 8 minutes to be crispy.  Some of the thicker ones and the ones in the very middle had to go back in for about 3 minutes.  At 400 degrees you need to keep checking on them, because you want to catch them when they are brown on the edges, but not turning black yet.  At 350 Martha says to cook them for 30-35 minutes, but I would check on your first batch often to see what the timing in your oven would be.  In my oven, at 350 my chips would be burnt at 30 minutes.  

And voila!  You now have an crunchy vehicle for your favorite Superbowl paleo dips, like this Mango Salsa, this Ranch Dressing or this Tuna Dip.  Enjoy the game!!

Paleo Coconut Milk, Chia Seed, and Fruit "Pudding"

For the new year a few of my friends and family and I are focusing on nutrition.  I am doing a paleo challenge through my Crossfit box.  The general guidelines for me, at level 8 (in this challenge there are 10 levels- check out the crossfit page or contact them for more info) include eliminating all refined and added sugar , eliminating grains/gluten and soy, legumes, beans and lentils, dairy, rice, alcohol, starchy vegetables and vegetable oils.  I've done this before, so it's not too hard anymore.  I haven't quite gotten to the point where I don't, at times, get an urge for something sweet.  So this is my recipe taken from many different recipes I found online.  It is not totally original, it is just the simplest form of the recipe.  No honey, no agave, no maple syrup or stevia.

Ingredients:

3-5 frozen (or fresh) strawberries (or any other fruit of choice, pineapple was also yummy)

1 can of full fat coconut milk.  Look for a can with no more than coconut milk and maybe guar gum.  If you can find with nothing but coconut milk, that is best.

1.5 tbs of chia seeds.  I found these at the bulk bin at Whole Foods out here.  They also have them at Down to Earth here in Kailua.

A jar with a lid (or tupperware or something you can shake)

My ingredients

Pour the coconut milk into the jar.  You might have some left over, you do not want to fill the jar all the way up to the top.  Leave some room for the fruit and chia seeds.

Take about 1-1.5 tbs of chia seeds and grind them up. I used my coffee grinder and it worked great. You can put them in whole, it also works, but it doesn't get as pudding-y as I like. I forgot to take a picture of this. 

Cut up strawberries or whatever fruit you're using into small pieces. I left mine kind of big, because I like to have a full fruit bite, but you might decide to make them smaller.

  Then add the fruit and chia seeds to the coconut milk.

Close the lid and shake it up!  Of course, you could also add chia seeds, fruit, and coconut milk to a blender and have a smoothie, but I like it chunky.  Leave it to sit for 2 hours, either on the counter or in the fridge.  If you put it in the fridge, it's best to let it warm up a bit before eating.  This is a very pared down, very basic version of this recipe, some people choose to add other ingredients.  You could add honey or stevia, you could add chocolate chips or other fruit.  It is a really great base for lots of things.  But if you love it like this, as I do, let it sit, warm up for a few and eat with spoon!

Have you made this before?  Do you have some good recipe ideas?  Other possible additions to this that you would recommend (or not)?  Comment below!

Paleo Sweet Potato and Watercress Soup

Mine did not look like this.  It looked like purple porridge.  This one's much prettier. 

Just a quick post so I can share the recipe for the yummy soup I made last night.  Warning:  It comes out looking like purple porridge, but is soooo good.  I got the original recipe here.  Excellent recipe.  The directions are easy to follow.  To make it Paleo, all I did was leave out the white potato.  I bought two Okinawan sweet potatoes because that sounded super yummy to me, hence the color of the soup.  The Watercress was from my friend's aquaponic farm system, so I had a whole bunch of it.  The watercress had a strong, peppery flavor before adding it to the soup, so I didn't add very much.  I could have added much more, it ended up losing a lot of flavor in the few minutes it was in there.  Also, I added a store bought broth to it, per the suggestion of one of the commenters.  Because my vegetarian friend was joining us for this meal I used 4 cups of Organic Vegetable broth, it did have some canola oil, but, whatever.  I added two cups of water to make the six cups of liquid.  I also sprinkled on a dash of Cayenne Powder, which I think added a nice touch.  I was thinking that if I make myself another round today or tomorrow, I will probably use a chicken broth and add some of the meat I have.  The meat turned out a little tough when I made it the other day, so adding it to a slow cooking soup might be a better use.  I also was thinking that if I had remembered to bring my coconut milk to the party, I would have added a spoonful of the thicker, creamier stuff from the top of the can to the top of a bowl of soup before serving it.

Treats in Moderation

Super Sweet!

Amazingly enough, I just had to go back and look to see how long it's been since the Paleo challenge ended.  Since May 15, I've been sticking to my Level 7 Paleo with the exception of being able to have 3 treats a week.  I was unsure of how this was going to go.  In my last post I mentioned that I didn't really feel like having any treats.  It's true.  The results I get from eating Paleo / primal style are insanely worthwhile.  I lost 20 pounds eating tons of good food.  I only workout twice a week most weeks.  Granted, Crossfit workouts are pretty intense, but talk about a sustainable lifestyle.  So do I really want to eat bread?  And then try to "run off all the excess calories?"  Do I really want to eat sugar?  The truth is, when I think for a second instead of just grabbing for something to eat, I really don't want or need it.  I had some dried pineapple the other day that I could have sworn had added sugar on it.  I triple checked the ingredients, it was from Whole Foods, who kindly make all of their ingredients very visible and public.  The truth was, I just have gotten used to the natural sweetness of fruit and the pineapple was very, very sweet on it's own.  (Brilliant aside, if there is ever a need for sweetening something like paleo bread or muffins or adding sweetness to a barbecue sauce, those dried pineapples are an amazing substitution, just chop into small pieces.)  I know there are people who will read this and shake their heads in sadness, because I am now "missing out" on some of the pleasures in life.  I used to be one of those people.  Amazingly, I have changed my palette to the point that some of the most simple fruits, meats, vegetables, and spices are those pleasures in life.  I get to eat amazing food all the time.  I don't have to save up my calories so that I can have a slice of cheesecake after dinner and then feel guilty about it or feel like I have to accomodate for it somehow.  I can just eat good food all day long.  Whole Foods moving in down the road has also given me a wide variety of dried fruit that doesn't have sugar added to it.  Pears, apples, pineapples, bananas, raisins, figs, dates, and my all time favorite Mexican Mango.  I could eat that all day long. (And even if I did, I wouldn't feel bad about it.)

Yum!!!

I'm not saying that I don't have to put any effort into staying thin and in shape.  That is what the media and "the man" would tell you is your ultimate goal.  Buy this, then you don't put in any effort!  It's easy!  Not true.  It's just that I enjoy the effort now.  I have figured out some way to cut corners to make paleo simpler, with less steps to cook stuff.  I have ADHD and need things to be simple, few ingredients and with little planning involved.  I need to have several standby recipes and stuff that I can go to when I have forgotten to pull something out of the freezer.  It takes getting used to, but there are items that I always get when I'm at the grocery store.  That way, I always have a backup plan.  For example, pureed pumpkin and coconut milk.  Two items you can buy canned, that last forever.  You can combine them when you're in a jam, with whatever other ingredients you happen to have in your fridge, maybe add a little curry powder or paste and wham!  Delicious soup!  I also always have eggs.  No matter what, I can always make eggs.  And you can do so many things with them that I never get bored.  One of the other items I always have is a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store.  Now, I know strict paleo/organic folks will tell me that there is most likely sugar somewhere in there and it is probably not pasture raised.  I know this.  In my life right now, this works and I feel healthy.  I have started a recipe book that will share some of my easy shortcuts.  I hope it is something that will encourage people who are interested in trying out paleo/primal, but are concerned about costs and the ability to cook.  Anyone who knows me well knows that if there is a shortcut that will make my life easier, but will not noticeably decrease the ultimate goal, then I will find it.  And I've found a lot of paleo shortcuts.

Treating Myself

Actually the point of this post was going to be that last week I did treat myself.  I thought about it all day, what treat was I going to buy?  I planned and thought about it and then when I was at the grocery store I wandered around all the aisles looking for a "treat."  I ended up buying a bottle of wine and a fage 2% yogurt with the honey thing on the side.  And then I enjoyed the hell out of it.  I slowly ate the yogurt and honey and licked off every drop that was left in the container.  Then I had a glass of wine.  It was pretty darn good.  And my stomach hurt in the morning.  Go figure.  Anyway, since then, I had some wine with a good friend, which is always worth it, really.  My stomach, again, felt nasty in the morning, but that was okay.  At the store today I bought some heavy organic half and half.  I plan to make it last.  I love my coffee black, but there's something about that half and half that turns it into something delightful.  I just have to remember to only add a little bit so my stomach doesn't have problems during the work day.  To bring it back to the point I was making in the beginning is that it makes me really savor some things I was taking for granted.  I don't have to eat this way, I choose to eat this way.  I choose to evaluate what goes into my body, the same way I would never put anything other than gas in my car.  I don't do the super expensive gas, but I certainly wouldn't ever put diesel fuel or apple juice in my Civic.  Same with me.  My beef is not always grass-fed, but it's never made by McDonald's anymore.

Social Food Offerings

This is a tricky one that I know we all struggle with.  You are doing amazing.  You've lost a few pounds, you've really stuck to eating healthy.  Then, maybe at work, or perhaps with friends there is a social gathering and food is involved.  There is no healthy option.  What do you do?

Today at both of my schools there was food offered.  In terms of local style Hawaiian offerings, it was all amazing looking and probably tasted fantastic.  However, most of it was grains or meat in a sugary sauce or breaded and deep fried.  I have nothing against other people eating these things.  They are pretty tasty.  I have decided that I don't want to eat these foods.  At one school, it was great.  After a few gatherings where I have explained to people what types of food I choose to eat, they get it.  They don't try to offer it to me anymore.  I feel respected that they don't think I'm weird or a jerk.  This is an amazing break through and has taken a lot of time.  At the other school where I haven't had the pleasure to be at as many food gatherings, I was offered a plate a bazillion times.  And I felt bad for not taking some.  Intellectually I know I shouldn't feel bad.  It was store bought food.  Everyone else who ate put in some money, and I didn't.  These people didn't cook the food.  And yet, I felt bad.  I felt a very strong urge to fill my plate with donuts and pasta and sugary stuff and to sit with it in front of me, just so people would feel like I was appreciative.  What is that about?  Why is it that I feel bad not eating the food that is there?  Why do we feel somehow slighted if we offer somebody food and they don't partake?  Why is it rude to refuse food, but not rude to try to guilt somebody into eating something we ALL KNOW is unhealthy for us.  Who among us does not know that sugar covered, deep fried pastries are not good for us?  Then why is it not rude to continue to try to talk somebody into eating it when they have politely declined it?  But it's sooo delicious!  How can you deny yourself!  I finally lied to everyone.  I already ate, and man, I am super full.  Yup, didn't realize there was going to be food here, so I ate a whole bunch of my own lunch that I packed myself.  Even then, knowing that I was super full and declined the food, there were still attempts to persuade me.  And I've been eating this way for so long that I actually didn't want the donut!  What if I was trying really hard and had just cut out sugar from my diet?  Holy sabotage, Bat Man!

I've found that the best way to combat this is to be prepared.  To always have food of some kind that you have packed for yourself.  If you can, bring it to the place where all other food is being eaten.  People are very uncomfortable when your hands are empty.  Oh, you poor thing, you'll starve to death while we enjoy these donuts!  But, if you have your own lunch or some kind of food in your hand, you are somehow given reprieve.  This relieves some of the pressure.  But you have to also be ready to just say no, and allow other people to deal with it how they want.  It is not your responsibility to explain your food choices to others.  What you eat, is actually, your business.  You are allowed to just say, no thankyou, and offer no further explanation.  I am getting better at this in life in general, although, obviously today I was guilted into lying instead.  But you are not mandated to explain yourself to anyone.  I hope that next time you are in a similar situation, and you will be, you will be able to politely decline and stick to it with no other explanation.  Sometimes it's nice when they want to hear about how you got to be as hot and svelte as you are.  Sometimes you just want to not eat a goddamn donut.  And that is okay.

Not healthy.  Just so you know.  Have one if you want.  Tell others to fuck off if you don't.

Crossfit Oahu Nutrition Challenge

Left side: 2006, Top 3: April 2012- pre-challenge, Bottom 3: May 2012- post-challenge

So I realize I haven't blogged in a really long time.  Work got really stressful and I was just trying to enjoy all my other time.  Since I last blogged Anna left and that is really, really sad.  While she was here I did so much fun stuff.  I had more fun packed into a couple of months this year than I've had in years.  She convinced me to do a lot of stuff.  It reminded me that life is short and you only live once.  Just some of the stuff we did:  Hiked everywhere, searched for squatch, wore lots of knee socks, crossed lots of fit, did tons of pullups, started our own crossfittish supplemental workouts, ran with a slosh tube, lay on the beach, frolicked everywhere, parkoured, ran a Swamp Romp and a Warrior Dash, drank Guinness, dance, almost hiked the stairway to heaven, got my nose pierced and some of us got tattooed.  There was tons of laughs and late night talks.  I'm suprised we never fought.  And I know there's tons of stuff that I left off of this short list.  It was pretty amazing.  Around the time Anna was leaving I started the Crossfit Oahu Nutrition Challenge.  Normally I don't like to pay money for things, because I'm a cheap ass, but I knew this would be worth it.  I paid 75 bucks to be weighed in and have my body fat tested with a very cool ultrasoundish machine.  We got great advice and feedback from our challenge host, Courtney Johnson.  She also created an amazing spreadsheet that allows you to track points you get for eating at the level you chose, for sleeping enough and for working out.  I know I work with kids and star charts every day, but I'm still amazed at how motivated I was and still am by earning points.  It helped me make hard decisions several times.  I was like, I could eat that, but I'll lose 5 points!  It turns out I'm quite the points whore.  And it wasn't even a challenge where the person with the most points wins.  Each point is a chance to win the pot of money at the end. Either way, I was very motivated.
The other cool thing about the challenge is that it gave me a new way to look at food.  Instead of "that's not on the list of allowable foods" that you get with most diets, lifestyles, ways of eating, whatever.  Instead it was, here is your priority list.  On the bottom of the list is the junkiest, most bad for you foods and as the levels increased your eating got healthier and healthier.  I decided not to cut out sweet potatoes and squash, so I was at a level 7.  I could have tried to be more strict, but I wanted to spend the 45 days getting into eating habits that I could follow for life.  Every time I went shopping and considered a meal, I didn't "have" to eliminate anything.  I just chose how healthy I wanted to be at the time.
It was a very succesful challenge for me.  I wasn't eating all that great before the challenge, but my poor eating is still pretty healthy by the Standard American Diet's standards.  Throughout the challenge I lost 13 pounds, and 4 inches off of my waist.  Pretty awesome in 45 days.  Especially since eating paleo, I'm never super hungry.  I never get the high/low blood sugar spikes.  I don't feel like I have to limit how much I eat.  I love the food.  And it makes me feel really strong.  Just saying for all the people who think cutting out grains is hard, well, yeah, it's hard because eating grains is a habit.  It's what we're used to.  But if people didn't try to shove grains in my face all the time, I wouldn't miss them.  The hardest time I have is when well-meaning people make me feel like I don't appreciate them because I won't eat their damn cookies or bread.  I'm amazed how offended people are when I won't taste their food.  But that's another story.
So that's what I've been up to.  Living life, hard.

So back on track

My Muscles are Gonna Be Huge

Thank God for the paleo challenge I'm doing again.  And thank God Keysa is doing it with me.  I was just reading through my blog posts from 2011.  I was doing fantastic at the beginning of the year, and stayed on track until about July.  Then I started to really veer off of the healthy eating.  I wonder if it is because Tae Kwon Do was not challenging enough.  Either way I gained weight, and then started eating horribly, starting with the HalloWine at the YMCA.  Then straight through December and the end of 2011.  It's pretty awesome how quickly it happens.  2012 has again been a great start.  Crossfit has been fun, although some of the Group Elements classes have been extraordinarily boring.  I think I've mentioned that before.  It's cool though, because now we know what the hell they're talking about when they set forth the workout and I don't feel like a complete idiot.  The other day we did Cindy, I did 13 rounds.  I had a lot of modifications, but I'm okay with it.  I know that TKD allowed me to get really weak.  It's no excuse, I'm just not the type to keep up with workouts on my own.  If we didn't do pushups or cardio during a class, I certainly wasn't going to do it on my own.  So my Cindy was pretty weak, but I have something to work towards now.  At some point I'd like to be able to do a straight dead hang pullup.  Maybe even a few in a row!  I want to be strong like I used to be.  It would be a lot of fun to be able to pull myself up the pullup cage or up the rings ropes or up the regular old ropes and just fucking climb all around.  That's right, like a freaking monkey.  That's my goal for the next few months.  Sweet abs would be great while I'm at it, but being able to climb like a monkey is a-number-one priority.

Not Like This One

Like This Monkey

Paleo Challenge Fail

Glorious Beach Walking Weather

Beer

Donuts

Anna and I got home from our beach walk and there was a shit ton of beer in there. Nathan says, "you can drink when you're paleo, right?" Oh boy. I told Anna that we would have to start the challenge later. She was so freaking excited. She went straight for the donuts. Hilarious.

Another Paleo Challenge

Anna and I officially started our Whole 30 challenge yesterday.  The plan was to start on Friday, I was all set, and then got to my training at a Waikiki Beach Hotel in Waikiki.  All was going well, I ate my eggs and went to lunch with some coworkers.  Unfortunately, even though I ordered my burger with no bun, there was no getting away from all of the fried stuff.  I just texted Anna that we would start the next day instead.  To me it's a relief to be back on a "challenge."  I have poor impulse control, so when the brownies are sitting on the counter, I eat one.  Sometimes two.  And sometimes I have a difficult time stopping myself from eating way more than is socially acceptable.  With paleo I always start off wanting to snack a bunch, but I actually remember the healthy snacks that I have available.

View of Waimanalo from the Pillboxes

Yesterday started off fine, Anna made some bacon and eggs.  I went off to hike the Pillboxes with Keysa and Ananda and while I was gone she left for work.  She only took two bananas and two eggs, so I went to the store and got her some roast, some salad, cashews and coconut water.  It was nice to bring her her lunch at work.  We talked for a little bit at the bar, had some cashews,  and I headed home for my own lunch.  I'll definitely stop by there again one of these days when she's working there.  Bars are so different when they are empty during the day.  I had ahi tuna for lunch when I got home.
Dinner was steak, okinawan sweet potato and asparagus.  I am a damn good cook sometimes.  It was really tasty.  It was also a big dinner, so I didn't feel like I needed to snack on anything during the usual "dessert" time of the night.  We watched TV and made plans to run the beach and watch the sunrise.  Well, she's been working hard and hopefully she's finally having a good night's sleep.  It's 7am and she's not up yet.  Surprisingly, the sound of the dogs and I moving around out here didn't wake her up.  Hopefully she's still passed out pretty good.  There will be other mornings for sunrise beach walks.
I love this kind of morning.  I've got Gizmo on my lap, and Titus is on the couch all cozy, but keeping his eye on me.  I can hear the birds chirping outside, the usual air conditioner noise from the bedrooms and our neighbors, and the fishtank gurgling away.  Not too shabby.  I'm gonna make some coffee, then I haven't decided yet whether I will turn on the TV, read, or write in my journal.  I think I will just relax and take this day as it unfolds.

Back to Work

This week I haven't felt too much like blogging.  I had a great week last week and an awesome weekend and then Monday it was back to work.  Bleh.  I love seeing the kids and the people I work with are a lot of fun, but there is just so much about the job that I'm not a fan of.  Anything paperwork or planning or data collection related and my eyes just roll to the back of my head.  It's not too hard, it's not over my head, it's just boring.  Some people love data.  I want to cock punch those people.  Not really, I'm not mean.  But I am absolutely positive that when I have my private practice I am going to hire someone to do some of that stuff.  I will have a secretary adm. assistant someday.  The thought gets me through a lot of days.  That person will organize my files, take down dictation, and maybe do some of my scheduling.  I will meet with clients and do the thinking.
Other than work I went to Tae Kwon Do on Tuesday and tonight.  I felt myself not wanting to be there.  I can just tell that I'm ready for some changes.  The job is not going to change right away, but the exercise is.  I signed the paperwork to cancel my YMCA membership tonight.  It will now expire on the 14th, I will have to be responsible for my own exercising until the New Year and then I am joining Crossfit Kailua.  TKD was awesome for 6 months.  I might go back to it, it will be the same curriculum, but I need a change.  I hate it when exercise feels like a chore, because I know it doesn't have to.  I know that when I am doing the right sport/exercises I wake up looking forward to my workout for the day.  I look forward to learning better technique and working myself to the point of exhaustion.  TKD is not feeling like that for me right now.  I am trying to get over the feeling of guilt I have for switching again, but just because other people stick to an exercise forever doesn't mean that's what I am supposed to do.  If I died next week I'd be pissed that I didn't follow my intuition and switch to something more meaningful.  So here I go, changing it up.
On another note, today is December 1st.  It's time for me to declare my Pre-New Year's Resolution.  I always have a health/fitness goal, but this year I want to add on a spiritual one.  Here goes:
Health and fitness:  From now until New Year's I will eat my own version of modified paleo.  Which is basically paleo without being an asshole and also eating cheese and yogurt.  I am not going to set a weight loss goal, I just want my pants to fit better and to feel less bloated as the New Year rolls in.
Spiritual:  This next year I really want to pay more attention to my intuition.  I'm not going to explain why right now, let's just say I've done a lot of research and I think it's important.  So to prepare for the New Year, my Pre-New Year Resolution will be that every day until the New Year I am going to journal for at least 5 minutes every day.  Nothing special or spectacular, just my thoughts.  If things go right I will be waking up early and journaling before I start my day, but even a few quick lines before I fall asleep would suffice.  I am going to go buy a nice book tomorrow to write in.  Yes, I have composition books that I could use, but I feel like this is something more special.  I've been listening to Deepak Chopra recently and he's got me excited about spirituality.  Go figure.
So those are my resolutions and plans for the New Year, what are yours?  Feel free to leave me some answers in the comment section!

Finally Crawled out of Bed

Wish I had one of these!

So Tuesday evening I flew out of warm Honolulu and headed to the East Coast.  My flight was so not comfortable.  Like an idiot, I forgot my pillow so my neck was all cramped up all night.  The guy next to me was very nice, but almost silent, and in his sleep he kept stretching out, getting all up in my space.  Then he'd wake up, look embarrassed and pull himself together until he fell asleep again.  I could not find a comfortable spot and had a painful stomach ache from the diet pepsi I drank that afternoon.  So, I guess it could have been better.  I did see Harry Potter the second part of the last one.  Good stuff.
I landed in Newark at about 10:30 Eastern time and began the journey up to NY state.  My Aunt Nancy picked me up, we met Mom for lunch and we had a picnic lunch complete with baked chicken and a banana cream pie to celebrate Mom's birthday.  Then Mom and I finished the trip north.  Not too much traffic, that was good, and the weather was really warm.  Got to keep the windows down for most of the trip.
When I got to my parents' house we did a hike through the woods of my childhood and surveyed the hurricane damage.  Pretty intense.  It's been enough time that it doesn't look as brutal as I'm sure it did, but there are trees down everywhere.  The really weird part is looking out and all the trees are leaning the same way.  Normally the trees just lean wherever the ground is taking them, but there is an crazy pattern to the leaning now.
It started to get cold around 4pm, and I wrapped up in a blanket on the couch and watched NCIS while Mom graded papers.  I love NCIS.  She left halfway through it the first time, cause her best friend from High School called her for her birthday.  So we watched it again.  I fell asleep for the second run through.  We had a fabulous baked chicken dinner with a veggie salad, asparagus and sweet potato.  Totally paleo and not on purpose.  My parents certainly aren't paleo, they just like real food.  Mom and I perused some of the stuff in one of the dressers in my old room.  I had really great fashion sense in high school, let me tell you.  There was quite a bit of belly laughing as each item came out of the dresser.
Dad came home late and I hung out with him for a while, we discussed Quantum Physics, the Web Theory and the String Theory as they relate to mental health.  Seriously.  Then I put an extra blanket on the bed upstairs so I could curl up.  Did I mention that I felt so cold I never actually changed out of my clothes?  I totally curled up in all my clothing and shivered until the bed warmed up.  I forget how totally quiet it is out here.  There was no sound last night.  I slept very well.
Woke up and hung out with Mom and Dad before they headed to work and made myself a leftovers omelette.  Salad, asparagus and baked chicken.  Yum!!

Just a picture of Opus 40.  Always reminds me of home.

I'm contemplating what to do with my morning.  I think I'm going to don my workout gear and head into the woods.  It's been a while.  I'm usually in such a rush when I'm here, but I have absolutely nothing to do for a few hours.  I'm not going to waste it with TV (which was definitely my first thought).
Anna should be here around 11am and we'll try on some shoes and clothes and get ready to go, so when Dad gets home from his meeting we can take off right away.  Tonight and this weekend are going to be so much fun!  I can't wait!

Titus and Gizmo- best dogs in the world.

Did I mention I really, really, really miss my husband and my doggies?

Day 11 of Challenge

Well, the magical quality of my challenge is long past.  The first couple of days there is usually that psyched up feeling of yeah, I'm doing something awesome!  Then there's the next couple of days where your body changes if your challenge involves any big difference in health or diet.  Then the plateau comes.  I have hit that point.  The other day I couldn't help myself and had a taste of this cake from Costco.  That was the only time I've broken form in the past 11 days.  Otherwise, I've been doing really great.  Now it's just same old, same old.  The magic is gone.  At least I don't have dreams about eating cake or cookies or milk like I used to back in January.  That was rough!  Anyone who did the original Whole 30 challenge with me in January can attest to how horrible those dreams are.  The guilt!  I don't have that anymore.  I know that if I eat something like that my life will not end.
This latest challenge, I have discovered over the last few days, is not actually about eating 100% paleo or strict anything.  It is a way for me to learn how to eat healthy and remain that way at a stable pace.  This past year I have gone from strict paleo and skinny to alcoholic binge cake eater and 140, and up and down, and up and down... and now I'm trying to even it out.  I want to learn how to eat awesome and not be an asshole.  That means that sometimes your office will have something like Boss' Day, spend a lot of money on a cake, and be offended if you don't eat some.  Usually that would result in me being an asshole and refusing any, or having a small piece, and then a bigger piece, and then a BIGGER piece and then go home and drink and snack because, what the hell, I ate bad all day anyway, didn't I?  On Monday I had a small piece of cake.  It stared at me for the rest of the day because we had a meeting in the room with the cake.  Then I had another small taste, and then... I stopped.  I went home and ate some almonds and raisins.  I made my planned steak and salad dinner.  I didn't raid the fridge for dessert, although I have some 86% chocolate in the freezer for those times that I'm feeling a little desperate.  I have maintained and I think that lesson is even more important for me this time around then losing a lot of weight because I'm eating better.  I don't want to be the yo-yo dieter.  I want to always eat awesome.  But I want to be able to have a gin and tonic or a glass of wine.  Can I have both?  I think it's probably possible.
The other thing I've noticed over the course of this challenge is that, unfortunately, it's looking like Tae Kwon Do is not enough exercise for me.  Last night I had what used to be an intense workout for me and today I'm not tired or even slightly sore.  I'm no masochist, I don't enjoy the pain post-workout, but let's be honest, I don't want to be semi-in shape.  I want to be really in shape.  I'm thinking that I am going to test for my orange belt in November, maybe test for my green belt in January.  By that time I'll definitely be done.  I might not even continue after my orange belt.  I may switch to cross fit.  I don't really want to be that guy that changes sports like they change their underwear, but the truth is I need to find the right sport that meets my standards.  It needs to be a hard, challenging workout.  It needs to keep me entertained (nothing really repetitive or boring).  I need to have some friends with me.  And I need someone (a coach) to tell me what to do.  So far I haven't found any sport that has met those standards.  I would love it if my friends wanted to do volleyball or Tae Kwon Do, or Kickboxing, but they don't.  I love Tae Kwon Do in general, but it's often not challenging enough for me and they don't compete.  Which is good, cause I don't want to get punched in the head, but at the same time, I need something to push me forward.

Up a Pound

From truhealthquest.com

So I gained a pound, no biggie.  I think that's pretty minimal considering how my weekends used to screw up any weight loss goals I ever had.  The weekends have always been a source of difficulty because there's so much time to snack!  I fought back this weekend by keeping busy- I did crossfit, then cleaned the guest bedroom, then cleaned the wine fridge to sell, made a yummy lobster dinner, watched good tv.  That was Saturday.  Sunday I walked on the beach with Nathan and my doggies, then hiked with Jak, Joanna and Gizmo, blogged a little, went to Savers to look for a Halloween costume, did some grocery shopping, donated some clothing, sewed up a Kimono and made a delicious Steak dinner with a spinach salad on the side.  In between I tried to drink a lot of water.  I still snacked a lot, but at least I had tako poke, almonds, raisins, pickles, and some other dried fruit in the fridge.  It's not a great idea to eat too much dried fruit, but seriously, what's better, satisfying my sweet tooth with some dried dates or caving in to the curly Cheetos in the fridge?  I'm sure that pound came from all the snacking- healthy or not.
Now don't get me wrong.  I need to make this clear- losing and gaining one pound is natural, your body swings back and forth one to two pounds all the time!  So I'm not concerned, I'm just updating.  Also, weight is not the best indicator of your health/fitness/body shape, it's just the easiest and most convenient.  I may have gained a pound, but I'm comfortably wearing a pair of pants today that squeezed my legs and belly a bit last week.  And yes, I wear these pants often, I'm a bit poor these days.
Just as an aside, can I comment for a moment on how freaking hilarious the Lipozene commercials are?  Apparently weight gain is "not your fault!"  It's just due to lack of exercise, poor eating habits, and sitting around all day.  These are the claims of the commercial:
• 78% of each Pound Lost is PURE BODY FAT.
• Lipozene diet pills are backed by multiple clinical studies.
• REDUCE POUNDS of Body Fat and Weight WITHOUT a
change in lifestyle
• Lipozene weight loss supplements are safe and effective

First of all, I want to know what the other 22% of each pound lost consists of.  Second, I want to know when taking care of yourself became someone else's responsibility.  Third, I can't get the voice of the lady, who says, "my husband said, Look at you!" out of my head.  I don't know, watch it for yourself.  But please, please, please do not believe a word they are saying.  There is not a drug that already exists or is going to exist that will take away all of your problems.  Any pill or fad diet that makes you lose weight depends on you continuing to buy and take whatever it is that they are selling.  When you stop taking the pills or drinking the shakes you will gain the weight back plus more.  Trust me, I've been there.  I love infomercials.

Da Da Duh! It has begun!

From laxcrossfit.com

Hello all, today begins my 30 day paleo/primal challenge.  I did one serious paleo challenge in January and I never felt better.  I hesitate to call it a "diet" although that technically is what it is.  However, it is simply a direction for you to turn to eat healthy.  There are no gimmicks involved like, drink this or take that and you'll drop weight.  You don't count calories, you don't starve yourself.  You don't over eat one food type.  It is a kind of healthy eating that for the most part makes complete and total common sense.  Main goal of paleo- eat lots of veggies, meats, nuts and fruits.  Don't eat processed food or sugar.  The part that is hard for people is the dairy, the legumes, the grains and the soy.  Well, and alcohol, but as much as we all love alcohol, it does make complete and total sense that not drinking will help you lose weight.  I think for me, this healthy way of eating rocks because: I love meat, I love vegetables, I love nuts, I love fruit.  I love cooking for myself, so the processed thing isn't hard.  Difficult for me: finding condiments with no added sugar.  It is fucking ridiculous what things have added sugar in them.  Like I said, I love cooking, but do I really want to have to make any sauce I add?  NO.  But there are very limited options.  Even bacon, people.  Bacon has sugar.  The grains part of the challenge is the hardest part.  Not because I can't cook without adding grains and that my meals aren't absolutely fantastic without grains, but because I really love bread.  It's the yeasty smell and the texture.  Bread has brought me down again and again this year when I'm not on a strict challenge.  The alcohol and ice cream were hard for me a couple of times, but it truly is the bread.
The breakdown in healthy eating usually goes like this for me: I have a glass of wine/beer/gin and tonic.  I drink too much of it.  I feel like a need a  piece of toast (which my brain is convinced in it's alcohol addled state is the only thing that will make my stomach feel better).  I realize I have eaten what I know to be food that makes me feel bad.  I think to myself, well I'm already going to feel like shit tomorrow, I might as well have some ice cream.  With chocolate syrup on top.  And a cookie.  And a chocolate bar.  Seriously, this is a story I've lived through many times before.  So, I'm going full strict paleo again this month.

This morning for breakfast I had 3 eggs with some coconut cream and salsa.  Delicious.  I have been drinking my coffee black since January and surprisingly, I love it that way.  Later today I'm gonna have some london broil stir fried with veggies, no need for rice or noodles.  I have almonds, baby carrots and pickled cucumbers on hand for snacking.  I am not sure what lunch will be yet, but it will either be tuna or roast beef from the deli.  I love adding salsa, coconut milk, coconut cream or eggs to everything.

The best part about this diet for me?  It truly feels like how I am meant to eat.  I feel like I am feeding myself well.  I don't feel hungry often and when I do, I just eat.  There will be times that I am busy at work and I don't get a chance to sit down for lunch and I work straight through without snacks or anything.  And I don't get that sick, low blood sugar feeling.  At some point I just start feeling hungry and I'm like, oh yeah, I should eat and I do.  I don't feel like I am starving or over full.  I don't feel deprived of all of those things that are off the list.  When you read the research- and I'll link to a few sites at the bottom where you can- it makes me feel like I'm treating my body with respect and fueling up for whatever crazy adventure is in store for me in the future.

Feel free to join me, you don't have to go paleo, although I do highly recommend it.  But there are people who do really well eating rice and gluten-free or eating oatmeal and soy.  If you are that type of person and want to join me doing a 30 day challenge of whatever healthy eating means for you, do it!  Comment here!

Links for paleo/primal that I love:
Mark Sisson- marksdailyapple.com
Robb Wolf- robbwolf.com
The Whole30, Version 4.0- http://whole9life.com/2011/06/whole-30-v4/

If I forgot any, please comment and leave the sites below.






Yikes! I posted this and realized that I'm totally going to have to do before and after pictures.  Maybe just of my belly.  I'll put the pics up later.

Bleh

Whoa.  Seriously sore from yesterday's workout.  It feels kind of good.  It's fine until I start walking.  Then my thighs and my hips and my knee hurt.  This morning I prepared quite the paleo lunch and am downing tons of water.  I am trying not to get impatient with the weight loss that I know will come with time.  I just need to stick with it.  I have TKD tonight, and then afterwards I am going out with a friend to celebrate her birthday.  I need to plan ahead.  I know they  have good salads there, and I can drink some kind of seltzer water.  I was eating mostly healthy over the weekend, but I haven't started to feel the effects of eating better until this morning.  I feel less bloated.

Rough Start

My Kryptonite

To the right is why my healthy eating kind of started yesterday. I wasn't hungry for breakfast after all the crap I ate Friday night, but I went the healthiest I could think of for lunch at the Windward Mall- sushi. There wasn't much options there. It kept me full for quite a while, the ahi and avocado, and wasabi did a good job. Then I went to the Windward Ho‘olaule‘a 2011, watched a great hula show and looked at amazing jewelry made by local artists. Joanna had bought some cookies, but I was good I had just a few tastes. Dinner was steak that I pan fried then put in the oven to finish, and corn on the cob to the side. For any of my paleo friends reading this, I am not rushing into the paleo side of things. I have stuff in my fridge that needs to be eaten. I think this hurt me the last couple of times I've declared I'm going to eat healthy because I feel guilty that they're in there. I'm going to phase out the non-paleo foods, starting with carbs. That I can avoid easily, especially because I know Nathan will eat anything I don't, so nothing will go to waste. He went out and got a whole bunch of paleo groceries yesterday for me, which. is. awesome!!! So we have lots of meat, veggies and fruits. Much easier for me this time. He also got himself hot pockets for those times I'm not around making dinner.

So anyway, off track, last night I had salad with the ladies after dinner, but also had some guinness and red wine. I snacked on all paleo goodies until I got home and had that "too much wine" feeling in my stomach, which I swear is only fixed by a piece of toast. I had an English Muffin, felt better and went to bed soon after. This morning I am not going to beat myself up because I made a lot of good choices in there. I think that's important for anyone not doing a challenge with a shit ton of support. If you beat yourself up for any mistake it makes you feel guilty and so many of us make ourselves feel better with all of those foods we were just feeling guilty about eating in the first place... not a very useful cycle. So I'm just starting my day with some eggs with veggies. We'll see how the rest of the day goes. Hopefully it includes some hiking/walking with the hubby and the dogs.